Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

i'm becoming TOTALLY addicted to fark.com's photoshop category...someone posts a random photo, and then people make additions or changes to it, using photoshop or some such image editor...there's a lot of crap, but there are also pix that show amazing creativity and originality...

Tom & Ray rock!

urgh, this night is d...r...a...g...g...i...n...g...holiday weeks always screw me up anyways - just point me in the right direction and send me on my merry way, i guess!

argh! so, last week we had to turn in our enrollment forms for health insurance. currently, i have prudential's hmo, which seems to work great for me. but aetna bought prudential, so effective jan 1, no more prudential, no more hmo - i'll be under aetna's ppo. ppo's are supposedly so much more wonderful because there's so much more choice - blah blah fucking blah. i never had a problem getting the required referrals and stuff. all i know is that my premiums are going up (tho not through the roof like my married and/or with children co-workers), i'll now have a $300 deductible that i didn't have before, my doctor visits will be $15 or $20 (instead of $10) and my prescription costs will TRIPLE. used to be, i could use the mail order company and send in a one month co-pay and get a three month supply for the price of one month. not any more - they want me to send in two months' copays for a two month supply. what's the advantage to that?!? for most normal people, i suppose that's not a big deal, but i have 10 prescriptions to fill! and i'm supposed to have a video EEG in the hospital in january, but i'm gonna have to cancel that because i sure as hell don't have the $300 co-pay. i suppose i should just shut the hell up and consider myself lucky that i have _some_ insurance, but to go from having such good coverage to this _SHIT_ is quite a shock.

*grumble grumble grumble*

had a nice christmas, even though it seems as though everyone is sick with a head cold or some such illness...stayed at mommy's xmas eve - we cooked a big-ass ham...pooky came over xmas morning and we opened presents - lots of goodies! i did good picking out mom's clothes, i wasn't sure they'd fit, but they did...in the afternoon pooky and i went to my place, since that's where dad was bringing the kids...the phucker was actually EARLY - showed up at 1:45 instead of 2...coulda been cuz he had a woman with him...can't remember her name, something hard to pronounce...dad says they went to school or something together and have been talking on the internet...god only knows what he's been telling her...*shrug*...it was good to see matt & paige again...since they were s'posed to be there at 2, i hadn't made any plans for lunch or anything - well the kids come in talking about how they're _starving_ and how everything was closed...luckily i had stuff to make a pot of spaghetti, so we had some food...paige is a little whiny butt, and readily admits that she's spoiled...so she begged me to do shrinky-dinks and i said yes - my pillsbury doughboy turned out rather well. *8-) her designs turned out good as well, she seems to have a knack for it (could be why she was begging me to do "something artistic")...matt made a Mr. Hankey, the xmas poo from south park...

all in all, a good xmas...until i had a seizure late xmas night - argh! i'm thinking i'm gonna have to cancel my video eeg cuz i don't have $300 just sitting around to pay the deductible next year...man, they really FUCKED us on the health insurance, that's all i can say...

well no wonder rudolph was pissed at being left out of the reindeer games!

The Top 15 Reindeer Games:
15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter
14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass
13. Spin the Salt Lick
12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers
11. Moose or Dare
10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends
9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo
8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest
7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot
6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"
5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass
4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen
3. Elf Tossing
2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey
and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...
1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game

I Hate Having My Birthday On Christmas
By Jesus. Posted on 2001-12-24
Having My birthday on Christmas sucks. Those of you out there who were born on or around December 25th know what I'm talking about. If you're born in July or February, your birthday is something special. It's YOUR day, and your friends and family take special care to treat you well and buy you gifts and simply celebrate. But if your birthday is on Christmas, like Mine is, you get lost in the shuffle. EVERYONE is celebrating, EVERYONE is buying gifts for EVERYONE else, and you're just not special. The worst is when people buy you fucking "combination" birthday and Christmas gifts. What a load of donkey crap! Everyone else gets TWO sets of gifts, and I only get one. And you think they spend twice as much on Me? Hell no. It's always the same excuse, "It's the holidays so we couldn't afford to spend a whole lot". The cheap fuckers. Even back when it was just My birthday and nobody else was making a big deal out of it, I still got shafted. I mean, what the hell are Frankincense and Myrrh, anyway? So this year, I'm not going to celebrate Christmas. I'm not buying gifts for ANYBODY but Me. (Dad's really hard to shop for anyway. Talk about the Guy who literally has EVERYTHING). Maybe it's time to give Kwanzaa a try.

"Do you think you surf the Net a lot? Here's a way to test your skills. Each year Terra Lycos releases the most popular search terms for the year. Take a stab at guessing the number one search in each of the categories listed."

go ahead, take the quiz!

how'd ya do? here are my results - no cheating! if ya haven't taken the test yet, look no further. *8-P

I scored 78% (7 out of 9 correct):
1. Most searched-for term on Lycos.com in 2001:
You said Osama Bin Laden. The correct answer is Dragonball.
dragonball? alrighty - we're obviously not heading to lycos to find out the latest headlines...

2. Most searched-for band:
You said The Beatles. The correct answer is N Sync.
oh jesus...i figured with george harrison dying recently, perhaps the beatles searches would increase dramatically...

3. Most searched-for woman:
You were right: Britney Spears.
interesting - RuPaul was one of the options for this question!

4. Most searched-for man:
You were right: Osama bin Laden.
well, duh - everyone wants that $25million...of course he's the most searched for!

5. Most searched-for sports star:
You were right: Anna Kournikova.
only cuz they wanted to see her nekkid!

6. Most searched-for fad:
You were right: Nostradamus Hoax.
of course, they started getting all those nostradamus hits on september 11...

7. Most searched-for TV show:
You were right: Big Brother.
yeah, i guess the 6 people that watched the lame-ass show watched the lame-ass net feeds too...

8. Most searched-for film:
You were right: Harry Potter.
was a toss-up between harry and lord of the rings - lotr's now ranked as the #1 (of the top 250) movie on the imdb, how's that for weird?

9. Most searched-for news event:
You were right: September 11 Attacks.
well, duh...

it'd be interesting to see the results from other engines, such as google and jeeves...

good to know i'm not the only one doing depraved shit in photoshop....

so, i'm gonna be having the get together this year for my dad and brothers and sister, here in my apartment...i'm finding i have to do a little "straightening up" - particularly the refrigerator, covered in magnetic poetry - very QUEER poetry at that, some of which i assembled, other works of art done by friends that have stopped by...

of course, adam (my 20 year old brother) knows i'm a big ol' dyke and he's had his flirtations with bisexuality (not sure how he defines his orientation these days) but it's my half brother and half sister that i have to watch out for - matt's 13, paige is 9. i have a _very_ strained relationship with their mother (my ex-stepmonster) and don't want to give her any reason to keep bro and sis from coming to visit me, so it's better to just set aside anything that the kids might see and casually mention to their mom...

i can keep most of the magnets up, but some of the dirty sentences that have been composed and some of the outright sexual words will be relocated to a cupboard...

some fridge favorites that will be removed or shuffled around:
"a curvaceous butt is the center of everything"
"do you like a pink vibrator up in your voluptous bottom"
"nympho juice is loose in your caboose"
"we want sleazy love deep up in the tweedledee"
"the fabulous butt thrust is amazingly easy to do"

hrmmm, i hadn't realized i had such a butt theme going on there! *8-)

other faves:
"horny halibut need pimping"
"she had me slurping like a nasty chickadee"
"i desire an excellent licking tonight please"
"naked sheep strut with vulgar homosexuality"
"naughty women are my poetry"

my magnetic poetry calendar next to the computer will need reorganizing as well - it doesn't have all the blatant sexual words, yet i still managed to make dirty poetry. *8-) to wit:

"blow me
a time to come all over
let a rain storm begin

she can open you
hear her gentle murmurs
remember the moment"

urgh, time to get back to the cleanup...

ya know, i've really been looking forward to going to see that new Russell Crowe movie, "A Beautiful Mind"...but now i'm not so sure...perhaps i'll just read the book instead...

i love biopics, and i know that from time to time you have to change certain facts or events around to make a good movie, but apparently John Nash's sexual orientation was deemed too controversial for a major motion picture and they've left all of his gay experiences out...

so, it's alright to be crazy, just not gay...sounds like the sort of thing that calls for a boycott of the film studios involved...

for more info, check out this link, at the drudgereport.com...

ya know, personally, i think russell crowe in some man-on-man action could be kind of _HOT_... ;-)

just got a call from robin - there's no need for me to come in to work tonight, they've gotten all the work done...damn - it woulda been nice to get 8 hours of OT...but i suppose it wasn't meant to be. i feel like crap, coming down with a BITCH of a cold...i'm all stuffed up.

got the hospital bill today...the surgeon's bill arrived last week - $3k+...

my 3.5 days in St. Francis totaled $9584.64. Of that, I have to pay $27.75 - a bargain, i suppose! Thirteen grand plus for a little gall bladder - yowza!

the purity test's making the rounds again...so i took it...the results?

Congratulations! Your Purity score is 41%
The current average is 64%
The higher the number, the more pure you are; in the same vein, the lower the score, the more of a sleaze-bag you are.

hmm...need to work on lowering that score...*8-)

yearly evaluations tonight at work...urgh. don't think i have too much to worry about, but ya never know...

currently reading "Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal" - it certainly gives me pause before considering that next trip to mickey d's...

urgh...work SUCKS, can i just say that...office morale stands at a steady ZERO percent, and that's being generous. 't all started monday evening, when we got our packets for the new health insurance - since aetna bought out prudential (our current insurer) we'll be on the aetna plan effective 01-01-02. no more hmo, it's not even an option. besides our rates going up, the so-called "benefits" to this plan suck compared to what we have now. seeing the doc will cost $15, instead of $10, and a specialist will cost $20. but the thing that REALLY sucks is the mail-order prescription service. right now i can mail in a one month copay for an rx and get a three month supply - no more of that, we'll send in a two month copay and get a two month supply - where's the benefit there? hell, i'm better off just going month by month and getting the rx's filled at the drug store, since i have dosage changes and the like happening. there's also a $300 deductible that wasn't there before. it just majorly sucks, but what the hell can i do? i'm sure with all my preexisting conditions it'll be hard to get coverage anywhere else, but i don't really have time to check it out - we got the paperwork monday and they want it back friday...of course, this is our hell week, we're kind of busy with WORK and everything. arghhhh.

just woke up from what had to be the most bizarre dream i've had in a while...

i murdered someone with a dirty steak knife from mom's kitchen...except i don't really remember doing it - i was just accused of it and didn't seem to have an alibi, so i went along when some evil bitch (dunno who it was) said i was guilty and insisted on calling the cops...so the cops came (i was at some tupperware party-type event) and said they couldn't arrest me without one of the witnesses being there so i figured it was time to make my mad dash and get outta dodge...but someone was stealing my car (a gold lexus, btw) and i managed to grab a hold of the inside through the back window and the guy took off...so i'm hanging on for dear life and trying to get this guy to stop the car - ripped off his sunglasses, tried tickling him, tried hitting him...

and then i woke up.

i think america's getting back to it's old self - top two news headlines this evening? #1 - "Bin Laden surrounded?" - certainly a valid news story, deserving of the #1 spot...

and #2? "Winona Ryder arrested"...yup, back to the priorities, stuff that really matters to us americans - hey, shouldn't we be getting updates on gary condit and shark attacks on the east coast? poor winona...

can i just say...dr. english is so cool...it just blows me away that i can call at 1:30 on a friday afternoon and get an appointment for 4:10 that same day! previous doctors i've had would just laugh if ya tried something like that, even if ya just wanted to see a nurse practitioner...

so, the reason i called for an appointment is that i'm not feeling too good...do i have some sort of infection? my blood sugars are out of whack (yes, i have been taking all my meds!) and i was puking yesterday and i've had diarrhea - urgh! my top incision looks really weird - right now it appears to be oozing yellow-green stuff...the other 3 are healing up nicely though...

hungry? have a nice weiner!

stetmagazine.com bills itself as "the finest in cutting-edge fluff" - and i'd have to agree...check it out!

AWESOME! and oh so true...

If I were a work of art, I would be Salvador Dali's Persistence of Memory. I am a surreal landscape composed of several disjointed and bizarre components. I like to keep an eye on the time, although the very concept is fluid for me. People are never sure what they are seeing when they look at me. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

i've learned something about myself tonight - i'm an old jewish lady...

for a couple of years now, saturday nights are generally reserved for mah jongg...go to mom's house and play with her and my bestest buds dale and greg...

mom got me a movie for my birthday that i had on my amazon.com wish list - Mah Jongg: The Tiles That Bind ...well, it finally arrived and i set it aside till we could all watch it together...we watched it tonight...and it was hysterical - looking at these groups of old jewish and chinese ladies and seeing that we're just like them! mah jongg has bound us together in ways that nothing else could...it's amazing, we sit around and play this game and eat and gossip and it's just wonderful...almost mystical, this connection we have when it comes to mah jongg...if we miss a week on occasion, i really miss it - i'd almost consider it an addiction. suppose i could be out cruising the bars for chicks on saturday nights, but no, i'd rather be at mom's playing with her and the gay boys...

slowly edging back to "normal" status - well, we can dream, can't we? i know i'll never be "normal", but i'm back to feeling among the living...

that said, now i have the sudden urge to go take a nap...*yawn*

feeling a lot better - i suspect being off the vicodin's helped with the nausea and such - sticking to tylenol for pain now...doc english says 2 weeks off is standard, so i'll be away from work till 17 december - just in time to go back to the Hell Week (TM) that is the week before xmas...of course, then we'll get most of xmas week off, then it'll be yet another Hell Week (TM) for New Year's...

global warming's been a topic of interest lately - primarily cuz it's december and we had temps in the 70's today! guess this will explain why it'll be snowing in may, eh? people think this warm weather now is wonderful - i'm dubious...it just ain't natural!

still recuperating...still nauseous/dizzy as all hell...i go see doc english on wednesday...not much else to report, since all i'm doing is lying down and recuperating...

oh, one thing i forgot to mention about the ultrasound - it turned me into a country music song...

i actually had 2 people doing the ultrasound, the first chick didn't really hurt me...but she couldn't find my "common bile duct" (guess it's an uncommon bile duct that i've got) and so she sent for another chick...the second chick is the one that pressed my oozing throbbing flesh into the cold hard table, reducing me to tears...oh, it hurt...i wasn't crying, but the tears were streaming down my face - since i was lying on my back, i ended up with "tears in my ears" - had to clean them out when i sat up!

so, the gall bladder thing...i'd been having mild throbbing pains in my upper right abdomen for a week, but monday night at work they just became horrendous - i left work early to go to the hospital. for some reason, i went to community hospital, the one near my house...they seem to have a differing view of "emergency", nobody was in a hurry to get anything done...so 45 minutes goes by before i get into a room...then a while passes before i see a doc...he says he wants pee and blood, so i give it to him...he comes back and says it's probably gall bladder, but can't be sure since they don't have an ultrasound at night - what the hell? 3+ hours in the er...so i head to mom's with my vicodin rx and sleep till i can call the doc's office. call the doc's office, they get me in at 1pm - doc tells me to go to st. francis south to get an ultrasound done. go to st. francis south and get the ultrasound (which hurt like a bitch! oh, you have pain here? lemme press harder!) and they tell me i have to go to the er at st. francis beech grove immediately, they're ready for me, and dr. mandelbaum will evaluate me for surgery there. momma takes me to st. francis and i ask for dr. mandelbaum and they ask which one - apparently there's two, they're brothers in the same practice - and i tell them doc english told me "dr. mandelbaum"...they find out it's jonathan and get me hooked up to the morphine pump and set up in a regular room. the surgery was scheduled for wednesday, the next day. in the meantime, i went from no liquids to a solid liquid diet - i tell ya, the jello/apple juice/chicken broth/raspberry popsicle combo was a four-course gourmet meal! until i puked it up, that is, then it was a rainbow - red jello, blue popsicle and i'm assuming bile (it was green) made for quite a color combo! mom had raved about the wonderfullness of the morphine pump - i thought it was okay, but i wasn't screaming its praises like mom did...

so, wednesday rolls around and i head to surgery in the afternoon...i remember being in the surgery room and having a gas mask put over my face...then nothing, till i was back in my room, screaming and writhing in pain. they kept telling me to stop and breathe, that it wouldn't hurt so much - i kept trying to catch my breath, but it hurt so much...i had to ask mom for a recap, since i was pretty fuzzy on the events...she told me the surgery took about 45 minutes and there were no complications. i woke up in excruiciating pain, and i had to pee...we buzzed the nurses 3 times before they came...it was more difficult getting out of bed than before the surgery because they'd hooked up these things on my legs, to prevent blood clots...so i had the two things hooked to my legs, an iv with two plugs, oxygen and a drain from my belly to contend with...once i peed, the pain lessened quite a bit...at some point, someone from work called - still not sure who it was...they asked how things went, and i told them it "hurt like a motherfucker" - right in front of my mother and the nurses!! all i remember was the pain - oh damn, it hurt!! but once i got back to sleep and woke up again, i was okay...still pretty sore, but much better...i stayed in the hospital through friday...doc mandelbaum had come in 6:30 friday morning and i said i didn't think i was ready to go home, but he said he thought i was, if my stats got better by the end of the day...i was too asleep to argue...so friday evening i got out and now i've just been hanging at mom's...i find if i sit up for too long, i get dizzy, or nauseous, or both...not sure if i'll be out of work one week or two, we'll see what the doc says...

it's world aids day...sad that we still have to have one. aids has been around far too long, i thought we'd have a cure by now. alas we don't. in honor of world aids day, we're asked to "link and think" - to take a moment and think about aids and maybe add a few links in our blog...

so here are some links:
lesbians & hiv
safersex.org - a journal of online safe sexuality
the NAMES project
the us department of health & human services

and the personal stories?

pastor jon was a close friend that died of aids. in the church, we didn't know he was gay, it was never mentioned. of course, all the signs were there, but we chose to be in denial or whatever. he was the leader of our youth group, and i worked with him quite a bit since i was the youth rep to the church board. it just blew me away - why him?!? he was such a good guy - why would GOD do such a thing to one of his servants, a man that devoted his life to Him? i think that was one of the major events that caused my agnosticism - if there is a god, why does he/she/it allow such horrible things to happen to good people?

i worked with indiana cares long ago, when they still existed, a separate entity from icaan...i worked with micheal breese in the stop aids project - we did "bar raids", going to gay bars in town with condom hats on our heads and smiles on our faces, passing out condoms, lube, gloves and safer sex info...it was a lot of fun, and it made the topic of safer sex easier to talk about...i wonder what micheal would say about us now if he were still alive? he'd be very disappointed, i think. all the in-fighting and crap - it disgusts me that this year's garage party raised 39,704.93 and only 4,738.45 ended up going to the cause. that's 8.4%!!! something is seriously wrong there...

i volunteered at parkview manor, a nursing facility for people with aids....no longer exists because the money isn't there for it...wonder where all those people went, how many of them are still around...*sigh*

more thoughts later...

oh, the er wasn't totally horrible - met a cute chick there *smirk*...the "room" i was in was really just one fourth of a room, enclosed by a curtain...not much privacy at all...well, the chick across from me was in cuz she had a terrible headache...then i heard her mention she was a patient of dr. mohan's (my neurologist) and that she was epileptic...when her doc left i made a comment about the lack of privacy and that i heard her mention dr. mohan and so we chatted quite a bit...her name's shirley, she works at wal-mart...got epilepsy and sleep apnea...she told me a bit about what to expect in the video eeg, tho hers was at community north and sounded pretty dreadful...she asked if i'd ever had dr. wallack and i told her it'd been 13 years and she told me he's still an asshole. *8-) then when she left she gave me a few coupons - a woman after my own heart! *8-) guess she has a connection at foot locker and these coupons are for 30% off - whoo hoo! i'm tempted to drop in at wal-mart sometime and look her up - kinda got that queer vibe, but there was a guy there with her...*shrug*

hmmm, think this vicodin's kicking in...

just got out of the emergency room - left work early cuz i was having pains from hell...my gut wasn't very happy with me - a rock-hard fist inside, just cramping and making me miserable...so i went to the er, peed in a cup, got needles stuck in a variety of places...doc said he thinks it's a gall bladder problem, but they don't have an ultrasound available to the night shift so i'll hafta check in with doc english...meanwhile, it's vicodin and clear liquids for me!

argh.

I am 43% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.



I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!


Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!

wow - a blog all about er!

Take the Affliction Test Today!

is there such a thing as fate? what's in charge of what things go on? sometimes it just seems like there are too many coincidences for some things to just "happen" - something drives you to a certain time, place, event...*shrug*

i'm feeling really weird right now...was reading the indy star on the web and one of the cover stories is about crown hill cemetery, and how some tv show's filming there to show some of the historical stuff...so i drift off to the crown hill website. a few clicks, and i find that chuck avery has died, and will be buried there later today. i knew chuck from my days at the thrifty nickel - he was the circulation manager, and the only other queer that worked there. i knew his health wasn't good - last time i saw him he was just recovering from a stroke - but it's still a shock.

it just freaks me out - seems like i was lead to his obituary...i'm not the type of person that reads the obituaries (tho i did as a kid - finding how who the oldest and youngest people were, what people died from - all that macabre stuff fascinated me) so it just seems weird that i'd find this one.

cute - go to the random url site and it'll plug in a random word from its dictionary, add a .com to it and take ya to whatever site might happen...'tis amazing what's out there on the web...

hopefully momma's gonna get out of the hospital today...then she'll be off work another week...she's certainly making use of that short-term disability thang...

talked with her gastro doc yesterday, and he said what i pretty much already knew - adam should get checked for CF, but unless he comes back with a positive diagnosis, i probably don't need to be screened, since i don't exhibit any of the symptoms...

time to try to get some sleep since i have to work tonight...

alrighty, back to that survey:

4 things you would eat on the last day of your life:
oh sheesh, the last day of my life? hmmm....
a jamaican pizza from some guys pizza
mom's fried potatoes - major comfort food!
mac & cheese - the ultimate comfort food
ben & jerry's - either jerry's jubilee or cherry garcia

4 CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:
stuck in the 90's, i guess...
his name is alive - home is in your head
trashcan sinatras - cake
james - laid
ani difranco - not a pretty girl

4 movies that you watch over and over:
dvds are a good thing...
the truth about cats & dogs
american beauty
as good as it gets
gia

4 vacations you have taken:
don't travel too much...
to colorado as a kid with "dad"...
a bifem gathering in kansas...
the big queer march on washington...
to rhode island to see a net.girlfriend...

4 songs you get stuck in your head frequently:
oh god, i don't even want to think about them, lest they get stuck again...
wiper blades - heywood banks
prisoner of love - from the bob & tom show
mahna mahna - from the muppet show
18 wheels on a big rig - heywood banks

4 things you'd like to learn:
urgh, if only i had the time and brain power...
sign language
html
a foreign language - spanish, perhaps?
computer programming stuff

4 beverages you drink frequently:
really, there's only one - i'm a dew addict!
diet mountain dew
diet air (from snapple)
diet a&w root beer
diet pepsi

4 TV shows that you liked when you were a kid:
yes, i'm a child of the 80's, and i'm also a game show addict
press your luck
sale of the century
the price is right
the people's court

4 places to go in your city:
okay, so i'm a bit strange, but crown hill is beautiful...
crown hill cemetery
the children's museum of indianapolis
out word bound bookstore
the indianapolis zoo

4 things to do when you're bored:
blog
sleep
shop
eat

4 things that never fail to cheer you up:
saturday night mah jongg
hanging out with my brothers and sister
great deals at the grocery store
a show at the ten

and your answers are.....????

amazing the twists and turns that can happen on a search for a company logo to go in an ad...i've found findagrave.com - there you can find out where a specific person's buried or see a list of people of note in specific cemeteries - ie Crown Hill ...

well shit, i guess i should get back to work...

i don't know which is worse - getting a song stuck in yer head or a movie quote...saw "as good as it gets" the other day, and good ol' melvin udall's (aka jack nicholson) stuck in my head..."People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch." - a classic!

cute little survey i lifted from another blog:
(i'll hafta post my answers later)

4 things you would eat on the last day of your life:

4 CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:

4 movies that you watch over and over:

4 vacations you have taken:

4 songs you get stuck in your head frequently:

4 things you'd like to learn:

4 beverages you drink frequently:

4 TV shows that you liked when you were a kid:

4 places to go in your city:

4 things to do when you're bored:

4 things that never fail to cheer you up:

alrighty, weird mood time...i obviously need some music to get me through this night of hell - aka work - but i dunno what sort of music i want to listen to...*ponder*

think it's gonna be one of my napster-lifted mixes...perhaps #14:

1. Dreams Are Of The Body His Name Is Alive
2. No Man's Woman Sinead O'Connor
3. Give It Everything Al Green
4. Wild Night John Mellencamp w/Meshell NdegeOcello
5. I Kissed A Girl Jill Sobule
6. The Sweater Meryn Cadell
7. Angel Mine Cowboy Junkies
8. Both Hands ani difranco
9. Wear Your Love Like Heaven Sarah McLachlan
10. Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover Sophie B. Hawkins
11. Me Paula Cole
12. Left Of Center Suzanne Vega
13. 4 Men Kitchens Of Distinction
14. Pictures Of You The Cure
15. Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want The Smiths
16. Fade Into You Mazzy Star
17. Everything Possible The Flirtations
18. Mahna Mahna Mahna Mahna & The Two Snowths

aww fuck, i took the napster cd's outta my backpack...i'm left with some other stuff, the napster discs being at home i presume...urgh...guess it'll be his name is alive, stars on esp, to start off with...

argh...mom's in the hospital again...another bout of pancreatitis...dammit, i hate to see her in such pain - if i could trade places with her, i'd do it in a heartbeat...alas, i'm stuck here at work.

reading some new blogs this morning: instapundit, jonny5alivedotcom, judy's blog and dreaded purple master - why is it most of the blogs i seem to latch on to are written by those of the opposite sex?

hmmm, here's one to check out later - fontlover...

tis amazing all the interesting stuff in people's blogs...here's an interesting pic of NYC and Ground Zero...

i think i'm making this html stuff much harder than it is....

argh...frustration with doctors today...first off, dr. english...i'm not all that upset with her, i just wish she could get a magic wand and wave it and *POOF* all my bad things would disappear...ya know, i'm surprised the damned drug companies haven't come out with one to give out to all the docs, with their prominently placed logos on the handle or something...

so, anyways, she gave me a referral for a dietician - maybe she can help me figure out what i'm doing wrong...

then, this afternoon i called dr. mohan's office to see if i should've received something in the mail about monday's video eeg - ya know, like where to show up, what to bring, etc, etc - like the packet of stuff they sent me before my sleep study...julie told me she'd call me back in a few minutes, and she did - to tell me the equipment in the hospital is broken and they have to reschedule my eeg for december 3rd. oh, so i ask to reschedule it and they can't possibly squeeze me in until late january, but now there's magically appeared a space for me on december 3? at least i found out before the fact - had i shown up at the hospital on monday at 7:30am only to find out it'd be postponed, i'd have been majorly shitty....

my head's still screwy - my attention span is for shit and i keep forgetting if i've printed and/or eps'd stuff...urgh......

ever got the urge to ask the Magic 8-ball a question? now ya can do it on the web!

brain break...it seems i need one, as i'm having a hard time here at work...my brain doesn't seem to want to be here...right now, my short-term memory is for shit...i'll open up a folder and then forget what it was i was looking for or what i was going to do...*shrug*...

kim's talked to us about the holiday schedules and i'm just baffled - they're more fucked up this year because of what day they fall on, etc etc, and i'm just foggy in the head anyways, so that's not helping either...i told her i needed her to write it down for me - perhaps it'll make more sense that way.

what the fuck is wrong with me?!?!? is there a seizure coming? i don't know...i just know i feel really weird and i don't want to be here - i don't want to be anywhere...not saying i want to be dead or anything, i just hate feeling this weirdness coming over me...*sigh*

argh...trying to figure out the blogback thang...still trying to figure out how to make the (comment) thang actually visible on the page - the blue blends in with the blue of the background...i've updated to version 1.3, so it should actually work now, as long as ya know the damned thing's there. *8-) feel free to comment away!!

damn....i can't reschedule my video eeg so that i can work next week, unless i want to wait till january...argh...so now i'll be getting fucked outta the increasingly scarce overtime work...*8-(

doc's office just called - my TSH level was normal...alrighty, so there must be something _else_ going on, other than a thyroid problem...

urgh, this is just so fucking annoying.

there's one species out there in which the females are DEFINITELY the weaker sex...(or more annoying, at least)...

ginko trees....

mom's got a ginko in her front yard...it's a female...apparently, it's the females that bear fruit...these grape-sized fruits fall from the tree and proceed to rot, making a huge stink in the process...not to mention the uncomfortable sensations invoked when stepping on the little fuckers! apparently, we can use Fruit Eliminator - a type of birth control for fruit trees - to stop it from bearing fruit, but ya have to apply it in the springtime and we found out about it too late for this year...

there is a good side though - it's a beautiful tree, and in the fall, the leaves are a blazing yellow...most of the leaves fall at one time - it happened last weekend...it's a beautiful sight...mom says it looks like it's raining corn flakes...

if only those damned fruits weren't causing such a stink...

well, the gayindy hornet's nest settled back down rather quickly...never did get a reply from wally though...*shrug*

got email from christine today - at the last pitch-in several of us mentioned wanting to go to the harry potter movie, so it looks like about 20 of us will be going on opening night, in two weeks...*8-)

robin dyed my hair for me again - we had our semi-regular bitch-fest about work and associated co-workers...she's got two new kittens - they're sooo cute! melissa & clare and cheryl & jen & sierra stopped by to check out the kitties as well....i hung out and had dinner with robin & kerry - they make their jambalaya with steak and sausage - different, but really good! shrimp woulda been nice, but kerry doesn't care much for those bottom-feeders, he's a red meat man...

so, i've been having this seafood craving...i just called dale to see if he and greg would like to go out for crab legs...seems they probably can't make it over here by dinner time - they're in New Orleans!! duh....lucky for them they'll be back here for mah jongg tomorrow nite though - if not, i'd hafta kill them...

woo hoo - my babysmasher stickers arrived!

oh shit....i've stirred up a major hornet's nest on the gayindy list...i suppose i was a bit grumpier than i shoulda been when i posted my reply to wally's message, so i was a bit more hateful than i usually am, but i still don't think i'd take back anything i said...even though people on the list have voiced angry messages, i've gotten messages off-list thanking me for what i said...

wally has posted the following to the gayindy list, and i'm debating sending a reply either to him personally or to the list as a whole:

Answering Machine Message for the Mental Health Institute

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive or compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we already know who you are, but stay on
the line while we trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice
will tell you which number to press.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9, if you have short
term memory loss, press 9, if you have short term memory loss,
press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators
are too busy to talk to you.

-- alrighty, sending this to a friend that knows your sense of humor is one thing, but to a list of queers that may or may not have these issues? not cool. it makes him look like a major dickhead, in my not so humble opinion...mentally, i'm pretty stable (for the most part - i think) but i have been having these memory problems lately, and it just bugged me...(not to mention spelling co-dependent wrong *smirk*) so, how do i go about replying without looking like a major lunatic? *ponder*

amazing how those day-dwellers don't stop and think about us nighttime peeps...it's kinda hard to sleep when the damned neighbors are using chainsaws to cut down a tree in their yard...ugh, couldn't they at least do it on one of my days off, when daytime sleep isn't mandatory?

oh well, i had to get up and go get bloodwork done anyways...but getting back to sleep will be a bitch...*groan* *moan* *whine*

whoo hoo hoo....the first season of queer as folk (the us version) is gonna be out on dvd in january...i've already pre-ordered it from amazon.com...hopefully season 2 will continue the trend they had of each episode being better than the ones previous...yeah, there are problems with the show, but i think what it really boils down to is that these are very realistic characters and some of them aren't very likeable - brian's an asshole, but ya know what, there are quite a few guys out there like him...and i know there's been a consistent gripe from some of the lesbo communities out there about the fact that there's only 2 lesbos on the show, but i really don't have a problem with that...my problem was with the fact that the token lesbos in the show were so 2-dimensional...and that certainly changed as the season went on...regardless of all the criticism, i think it's a very realistic show, a funny show, and one that can really tug at the ol' heartstrings...

awww shit....ya know, i think that webmd does more harm than good sometimes....ya hear about something that might be wrong with ya, ya look up the symptoms on the website, then *BAM!* ya have a new disease, freshly diagnosed via the world wide web...now it looks like i've got graves disease....the most common cause of hyperthyroidism...i'm just a fucking mess...of course, i KNOW i don't really have it, haven't gotten the blood work done yet and all, but it'll still sit there, in the back of my head, picking away....

another weekend rapidly comes to an end...urgh...

mom and i saw K-PAX on friday - pretty good movie, though it was different than what i expected...kevin spacey is so freakin cool...

still unsure of the whole brain surgery thing - i wish november 12 would hurry and get here so we could get this video eeg done...

i also need to get some blood work done for dr. e - seems my thyroid is a bit overactive...one more thing to throw into the mix, i guess...it'd be great if there was just one pill i could take to cure all of what ails me, but i suppose that's asking for a bit much...

I AM 40% PUNK.

Well, I may know what punk is, but... Okay
maybe some people think I am punk, but is
that enough? Nope.

Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 52% GOTH.

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a
good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps
through my veins, but I can still laugh
at myself.

Take the GOTH Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 40% GEEK.

I probably work in computers, or a history
department at a college. I never really
fit in with the "normal" crowd. But I have
friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the GEEK Test at Fuali.com!

i've been going through a little upsurge in ebay purchases recently....today a dvd arrived - the opposite of sex...what an awesome movie...the tagline's appropriate: You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be offended.

also got a good deal on an auction yesterday - 4 His Name Is Alive CD's for ten bucks!

now if i could just get that skank that walked off with my fifteen bucks to answer and let me know why she's not sent my mahjongg tiles...i suppose i've been pretty lucky, only one bad auction in all my years of ebaying...

well, the epilepsy foundation says that surgery could cost $35,000 to more than $150,000 and that in a lobectomy (which i'm presuming is the type of surgery the doc is talking about) 65 to 85% of patients turn out seizure-free. complications occur in about 4 out of every 100 of these operations - is it worth taking a 1 in 25 chance? partial loss of vision, motor ability, memory or speech could happen because of the surgery?

the scariest thought for me is that something would happen and i would lose myself after the surgery - just become a different person. that seems like too much of a risk to take...

appointment with the neurologist today....he wants me to consider surgery....SURGERY?!?!? you want to carve into my brain and cut out the scar tissue in my left temporal lobe? eeek! i asked him if the relatively low number of seizures i had justified it - he says it would eliminate the absence seizures as well, not just the convulsive ones....hmmm, maybe it would be worth it. *shrug* we'll see what the video EEG says in november, and then go from there....

okay, now i just gotta figure out how to change the color of the (comment) line above my posts so that it doesn't blend in with the backgrounds...

gonna try to put in BlogBack - that way ya'll can post replies to my msgs, if you're so inclined....

this site CRACKED ME UP! airtoons.com has parodies of airline in-flight safety cards, with accompanying illustrations...

cute little website - word-detective.com - got lots of origins of weird words and phrases...one that particularly amused me was the article on mondegreens - phrases and/or lyrics that are misheard - one that absolutely drives me UP THE WALL is when people say/write "for all intensive purposes" - it's "for all intents and purposes"!!! the article mentions a classic hymn - "Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear" *rofl* sounds like a GREAT cartoon, if i do say so myself...

of course, the ultimate source of mondegreens is the book "'scuse me while i kiss this guy" and it's sequels - there's even a website now...

another cool link i've found this evening was to the straight dope...sheesh, i love trivial information!!

ugh...had a seizure tuesday afternoon, while i was asleep....called in to work, but ended up coming in a few hours later - i don't have the PTO to take the day off, so i might as well be here, even if we're way ahead of schedule. my head still hurts like a motherfucker, i guess it was a pretty intense seizure...

hahahaha - here's a nice little stencil of Osama bin Laden for ya to decorate a jack o'lantern and then destroy at your will....haven't yet found that ass-kicking stencil that i must use in the pumpkin-carving activities this weekend, but there's still time....

hahahaha - love that seizure humor! don't forget, with an epileptic around, there's always a whole lotta shakin goin on!

bleargh...i had a few things i've been meaning to blog about, but now i'm drawing a blank...

the pitch-in tonight was cool...christine, angela and julie went all the way on their costumes - christine as harry potter, angela as herminone (sp?) and julie as prof. dumebledore (now i KNOW i spelled that one wrong!) - alas i was too whipped from making treats to dress up as the Nimbus 2000 - 'twas a good idea tho. other cute costumes included: a brick (which had a "need a bricklayer" sign on it), cruella deville and a dalmatian, and more that aren't coming to mind right now - perhaps i'll put pics up on my website...*8-)

karen was there - haven't seen her in ages...she was rather cool (that's cool as in "reserved", not "spiffy"), so i didn't say much to her....she was there with amy hoosier, tho they're just friends...hung with steph and tonya quite a bit...later on i talked a bit with mimi - she's so cool....gave her my card, with my email on it - turns out she loves ebay and the doughboy too!...she's got sugar gliders...never heard of 'em, but hearing her talk about 'em they sound pretty cool...little marsupial thangs...i suspect clara knows about 'em, cuz someone had mentioned seeing them at a reptile show...

ugh...clara....i need to email her....got some way cool b-day presents from her in the mail today - lots of candles...these'll be great replacements for the ones i broke when i trashed the house during my seizure....

so, back to the pitch-in....sounds like a bunch of us will be going to see the harry potter movie together, should be cool...i think mimi's really cool, but i'd be scared to ask her out...*shrug* who knows...

weird dreams yesterday - i'm all excited because i got some shiny new quarters as change for something (can't remember where i was)...so i look at the things and turn them to the tails side to see what state they represent and the GRIM REAPER is on them...huh?!?!? not a clue what that one means - what state is the grim reaper from?...then there was one about being at the grocery store (i think it was the old preston-safeway at 38th & shadeland) and i put money in the pop machine and hit the diet mountain dew button and like 8 cans popped out...some were sprite, some were orange soda...so i was hording them, trying to find more change to get more of this 8 for the price of 1 deal and someone came along and started stealing my drinks - hiding them underneath a car in the parking lot...well the car ran over them and i got into a shouting match with the chick that did it...dunno what that one was about either...

being a game show lover, i've found a very good site to visit: Game $how Central -...interesting reading about michael larsen - he figured out the pattern to the not-so-random flashing lights and screw PYL for $110 grand...unfortunately, it's been banned from telecast and it's not like i had the vcr taping it in 1984...bill murray's slated to play michael larsen in a movie about it...

press your luck was one of my fave game shows...$ale of the century was also a fave - buy a brand new cadillac for $300 - hell yeah!...and of course, supermarket sweep - wow, to be able to just run through the grocery store and get whatever you want - whooo!

quote of the day:

"I love cable. I LOVE cable. I love it so much. I can't stop watching cable just to do my homework." - paige

ahhh, what a sister...*8-)

brain break. *yawn* for some reason i didn't get good sleep last night - i just feel like i've been through the wringer for some reason...*shrug*

pondering the whole halloween thing - don't have to worry about oct 31, since i'll be here at work, but i've been invited to a few parties and such...the next pitch-in's at christine's and will have a halloween theme...at games night several people mentioned being characters from the Harry Potter books...having not read any, i couldn't offer any opinions...i borrowed the first book from Donna and am halfway through it...no character is screaming my name thus far, tho i've thought it might be cute to be harry's broomstick, the Nimbus 2000 - perhaps some of those lesbos would like to hop on and take a ride...*8-)

break's over...back to work...

so, in my attempt to join the 21st century, i've been working on a webpage...nothing major yet, just a little tripod page...i don't have the patience for html - why the fuck does it take so much work to just do a little something? but maybe i'll learn the shit eventually...

oh crap...seems someone's stolen some of mom's checks - she found this out when her bank balance was inexplicably low and found a mysterious $400 check cashed. it's all too freakin weird...seems justin might know the guys that did it, but mom (and i) don't think justin had anything to do with it...the fact that this guy was in mom's house and went into her bedroom and stole these checks is just creepy...i've been trying to keep her calm about the situation - as i told her, i know EXACTLY what she's going through - the complete and utter confusion, the creepy feelings...i went through it all when kris stole my bankcard...so mom talked with the credit union today, they've given her all the paperwork and she stopped payment on the rest of the missing checks...she got on the internet and got the addresses of the guys that signed the check...oh, how tempted i would be to just go knocking on their door, but it's best to just let the cops take care of it...

kim needs:
(a) some sleep
(b) her ears cleaned
(c) some good drugs
(d) all of the above...

yuppers, 4:30 am can get pretty damned squirrely around here sometimes...i made some smart-ass comment (who? me?!?!?) and finished off with "can i get a witness?"...that's not what kim heard though...she freaked...apparently she heard "can i get a whippin'?"

*rofl*

hmm, perhaps i'll use that sometime...

anyone wishing to purchase a belated b-day present for me can visit my wish list at amazon.com...*8-)

had a nice birthday yesterday....mom and pooky took me to buca di beppo for lunch - oh my god we had soooooooo much food! had the baked rigatoni special and chicken cacciatore (whoo hooo, i spelled it right on the first try!!!!!!)...

buca's a "family style southern italian" restaurant, so the dishes are huge and meant to be shared - two entrees is easily enough for 7 or 8 people, so we had buttloads of leftovers...next time i'm gonna make sure to leave room for dessert!

turns out pooky's gonna get the saturn from circle city, the place he didn't even want to go to in the first place! *8-) maybe i should look into getting a car soon - the toyota's almost paid off and it seems now's the time to get a car, what with all the dealerships having really soft sales and offering really good financing rates...but damn, it's nice only having a $135 car payment...yeah, the car ain't too pretty, but the bitch gets 30-35mpg and hasn't had any major problems with it...*shrug*

well well well...guess life in suburbia isn't immune to crime...mom's car got broken into...we learned this when a neighbor down the street called, having found mom's old purse out in the yard...not a good way to meet the neighbors...looks like the criminals didn't care for mom's taste in cd's and couldn't get the keys, so they just threw everything out and headed down the street...maryann is the neighbor that called - she had her car stolen, they got the keys by using the garage door opener in the car, i guess...mom was lucky.

got to do some bonding with the Pooky tonight - he's looking for a new car, so i went car shopping with him...i've had much better luck with cars i've bought on my own than with anything "dad" has helped us out on...only had one to pick from at greenwood saturn, so i suggested we check out Circle City Car - he wasn't really into it, but decided to humor me, and he found one he really likes - imagine that! hell, 4 of my co-workers have bought vehicles there and i haven't heard any complaints...of course, it all depends on whether or not he can get financing...a 20 year old with a $9k car loan? well, he seems to think he can handle it...i'm much more low-rent than he is, i guess...

My co-workers know me all too well...we're talking about movies and my complete and utter lust for angelina jolie and i said "she can eat crackers in my bed any day!"...kim's response: "that's not ALL she can eat in your bed!" heh heh heh, yeah, i guess you're right kim...

all was well and good until i got to work...kim's in a shitty mood, but isn't saying why...nothing like a cranky boss to make a job miserable...hell, she's got enough PTO, if she needs a mental health day she should go ahead and take it...*growl*...there's no reason for me to be in a shitty mood, she's just managed to transfer her misery to the rest of us here in the department...

majorly wicked storm happened while i was at work tonight, as the sun was setting...unfortunately i was at WORK and couldn't go out to check it out and really enjoy it...i like storms like that, when the atmosphere is completely unpredictable and awe inspiring. i swear, the sky was just about every color you could imagine - gray, white, blue, purple, red, orange, yellow, green...totally funky.

talked kim into letting me have next sunday - my birthday - off, even if i still have to do the video eeg as it's presently scheduled in november...it's not that i have to have my b-day off specifically (especially when it's on a sunday, like this year), but with games night being friday and mah jongg being saturday (we have GOT to get new makeovers done!!!!) i'm not sure when/if i'll get to see matt, paige & adam. i've freaked mom out a bit - i've been telling everyone that this is going to be my last birthday...after 29, i'm not having any more...she seems to think i'm planning on DYING, hence no more birthdays....naah, i plan on sticking around, i'm just not going to get any older...

kazaa certainly has aimster beat...lots more crap to snag! now i just need a freakin' cable modem so i don't hafta stay around mommy's to download shit...but i just can't see paying fifty bucks a month for the damned thing...

another interesting lesson to come out of this terrorist mess - Flag Etiquette. it sucks that it's taken something like this to bring up the topic, but at least now it's being discussed. and it appears that things have changed over the years - as a kid i remember hearing it was completely unacceptable to fly the flag at night. apparently, this has changed. "When a patriotic effect is desired, the flag may be displayed twenty-four hours a day if properly illuminated during the hours of darkness." same goes for flying the flag in the rain - with the advent of flags made of nylon and such, it's not such the taboo. "The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is inclement, except when an all weather flag is displayed."

here's one i hadn't heard: "The flag should not be draped over the hood, top, sides, or back of a vehicle or of a railroad train or a boat. When the flag is displayed on a motorcar, the staff shall be fixed firmly to the chassis or clamped to the right fender." So, where does that leave all these people out there with the little flags hanging off the side of their cars?

and the best of all? "The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard." uh oh. at work last week it seemed as though every freakin client we had wanted a flag background in their ad. and we all know Wheels & Deals and The Trader are definitely for temporary use and discard!

just got home from community hospital, where i had my sleep study done...basically, they tape wires to your legs, tape wires to your chest, glue wires to your head, stick tubes in your nose, stick a monitor on your finger, put a belt around your chest and one around your belly, add a few more wires in for good measure, turn on the video camera, then tuck you into bed to act like nothing's out of the ordinary. easy as pie. though i was tired, it seemed to take FOREVER to get to sleep...then i woke up to pee and it seemed to take FOREVER to get back to sleep - i didn't think i was going to go back to sleep, but once i did, WHAM! i was out. susan, the lab tech, has quite an interesting job - let's sit around and watch people sleep all night! it is pretty fascinating though, when she woke me up this morning, she said she could tell i was dreaming - i was in rem...and i just barely remember dreaming - though if it's about work shouldn't it be considered a nightmare? it'll be 1-2 weeks before Dr. Mohan gets results...

been reading other blogs from blogger.com - Victor and Dan are interesting...

good food for thought from Michael Moore, posted 9/14/01 on alternet.org:

"The man who occupies the White House cried today. Good. Keep crying, Mr. Bush. The more you cry, the less you will go to that dark side in all humans where anger rages to a point where we want to blindly kill. Your dad's and Reagan's old cronies -- Eagleberger, Baker, Schultz -- are all calling for you to bomb first and ask questions later. You must NOT do this. If only because you do not want to stoop to these mass murderers' level. Yes, find out who did it. Yes, see that they NEVER do it again.

But GET A GRIP, man. "Declare war?" War against whom? One guy in the desert whom we can never seem to find? Are our leaders telling us that the most powerful country on earth cannot dispose of one sick evil f---wad of a guy? Because if that is what you are telling us, then we are truly screwed. If you are unable to take out this lone ZZ Top wannabe, what on earth would you do for us if we were attacked by a nation of millions? For chrissakes, call the Israelis and have them do that thing they do when they want to get their man! We pay them enough billions each year, I am SURE they would be happy to accommodate your request.

But I beg you, Mr. Bush, stay with the tears. Go today to comfort the wounded of New York. Tell the mayor, a guy most of us have not liked, that he is doing an incredible job, keeping the spirits of everyone up as high as they can be at this moment. Being there for a city I believe he loves, his own cancer still with him, he goes beyond the call of duty.

But do not declare war and massacre more innocents. After bin Laden's previous act of terror, our last elected president went and bombed what he said was "bin Laden's camp" in Afghanistan -- but instead just killed civilians. Then he bombed a factory in the Sudan, saying it was "making chemical weapons." It turned out to be making aspirin. Innocent people murdered by our Air Force.

Back in May, you gave the Taliban in Afghanistan $48 million dollars of our tax money. No free nation on earth would give them a cent, but you gave them a gift of $48 million because they said they had "banned all drugs."

Because your drug war was more important than the actual war the Taliban had inflicted on its own people, you helped to fund the regime who had given refuge to the very man you now say is responsible for killing my friend on that plane and for killing the friends of families of thousands and thousands of people. How dare you talk about more killing now! Shame! Shame! Shame! Explain your actions in support of the Taliban! Tell us why your father and his partner Mr. Reagan trained Mr. bin Laden in how to be a terrorist!

Am I angry? You bet I am. I am an American citizen, and my leaders have taken my money to fund mass murder. And now my friends have paid the price with their lives.

Keep crying, Mr. Bush. Keep running to Omaha or wherever it is you go while others die, just as you ran during Vietnam while claiming to be "on duty" in the Air National Guard. Nine boys from my high school died in that miserable war. And now you are asking for "unity" so you can start another one? Do not insult me or my country like this!

Yes, I, too, will be in church at noon today, on this national day of mourning. I will pray for you, and us, and the children of New York, and the children of this sad and ugly world. "

an email i sent to clara, replying to her msg...kinda sums up some of the feelings i've been having lately...

hey darling...*big hugs*

>I'm *way* at a loss for words. I didn't actually *see* any of this
>unfold -- I was already at work when I heard it was happening (no tv)

i was asleep when it happened - woke up about 2pm to see it on the tv...then the tv stayed on till it was time to go to work...once at work, we listened to msnbc through our computers...

>we turned on our little weather radio, but no *visual* input -- I don't
>think it's really *registered* on me, on that subterranean level that
>causes me to *feel* something.... Does that make sense?

yeah, it makes sense...

>I haven't
>watched tv much since then, either, it's all been commentary on
>commentary on someone else's commentary....

and everybody's certainly had commentary, haven't they? i've kept my mouth shut, for the most part...

>And I find myself thinking things like: "There are other buildings in
>New York. There are other people in New York. Give 'em a month, and
>everything will be back running smoothly.

i dunno if that's gonna be the case or not...these were some BIG fucking buildings...lots of people are gonna be displaced (well, the ones that aren't dead, at least) and businesses are gonna have to relocate...my fear is that after a month everyone's just gonna go back to the attitude that prevailed before sept 11 - the very shortsighted, "it's all about me" sort of thoughts...especially with the whole air travel thing - yeah, people are okay now with the added wait at the airports and extra tight security going on, but will they continue to see the necessity for it in a few months or years? i'd like to think that this will really change people, but somehow i think we'll just go back to the way it was after things cool down a bit...

>If they *really* wanted to
>damage us, they shoulda gone for the bridges over the Mississippi or
>something. It would take a couple of *years* to replace those
>bridges...."

eh, middle america doesn't count for much...guess that's one benefit to living here, eh?

>And Falwell's comments.... God, let's not even *go* there.

yeah...what a dipshit...amazing to see he's sort of apologized for it, in his own way...he (rightfully) got a lot of bad press about it...

>I also find myself thinking: "This was way too organized. Way too long
>in the planning. There had to be people on the inside, as it were. And
>there has to be a full, functioning *government* behind this, cuz one
>buncha towel-heads couldn't set this up *and* follow through with it...."

i dunno about the government theory...bin laden has at least $300 million of his own money at his disposal, not to mention all the money the us gave him over the years when the soviets were our "enemy" and he was fighting them...the guy's a total wacko...and there's nothing we can do to make peace - he wants nothing but the complete destruction of the united states and anyone that even remotely sympathizes with us...the only thing we can do is blow the fucker away before he does it to us...

>I started to make some kinda comments onlist, then I thought, what's the
>point? A couple of my animal lists have people *leaving* because they've
>gotten so *Christian* about all this.

the christian thing's bugged me a bit too...all the "god bless america" stuff has me a bit uneasy. i can understand the patriotism, but does it all have to be tied into religion?

i've always been an on again/off again believer, agnostic type, but this shit makes me wonder if there really is a god - if there is, how could she/he/it let this happen?!?

>One pagan woman on the rabbit
>list, a member for over 6 years!, has left because someone chewed her ass
>*onlist* about being partially responsible for all this because she
>doesn't believe in God!

sheesh...goes along the same lines as muslims here in the states getting harrassed and threatened - it's just so fucking crazy the amount of prejudice and stupidity out there...

>Me, I blame Dubya. Not that he has anything to do with it, probably, but
>he's such a dork.... ; )

amazingly enough, i'm okay with how Shrub's handling things...i was surprised he didn't just decide to blow all the fuckers up and ask questions later...definitely a dork, but i'm okay with how he's handling things thus far...

the way it looks now, i guess it's inevitable that we're gonna end up in a war, with the taliban telling people to prepare for a holy war with the us...what a fucking waste...can't we all just get along? guess not...

*sigh*

lori

time is just c r a w l i n g ...it doesn't seem as though it's been five days since the terrorist attacks...

seems people are getting more and more antsy about taking action...it's pretty obvious it's the work of osama bin laden's group, but i think that we've secured everything to the point that we can take some time to make sure that the actions we take are the right ones. just dropping a bomb on the middle east isn't the way to go about this.

this certainly has been a learning experience...

for instance: learning other religions' views on blood and organ donation (interesting - jehovah's witnesses are opposed to blood transfusions, but organ donation is okay if no blood is transferred) Various Religious Viewpoints

also: a geography lesson on afghanistan and the middle east (turkmenistan? tajikistan? kyrgystan? uzbekistan? they don't get much air time, but they've been mentioned a few times in the news now), it's clear that we americans are very shortsighted and concerned with that which only directly affects us. if anything good can come of this tragedy, perhaps it's that we become a bit more aware of the rest of the world.

just woke up...scared to turn on the TV - what's happened now? it's just such a mind-numbing situation - there aren't adequate words to express the confusion, the fear, the sadness...

one of the images on the tv that really blew me away was of the American flag - flying upside down. and it's completely appropriate, we are in a state of dire distress. *8-(

what a surreal day...9/11/01 - the bombing of the world trade center buildings and the pentagon...*sigh* why? it's so senseless. international terrorism? things are pointing that way, but that's also what they said when mcveigh bombed oklahoma...there've been lots of comparisons to pearl harbor, but that was a MILITARY action - these people killed tuesday were innocents, not a thing to do with whatever conflict the enemy - whoever that is - has with the united states government...weird watching the news - they report something, then retract it a few minutes later...it's so fucking confusing. bush says the terrorists and whoever harbors them will pay - what if it's US that's been harboring them? is it osama bin laden? deep down, that's my suspicion. right now they're saying the hijackers didn't have guns, they just used ceramic knives and shaving kits to threaten people on the plane - can this really be?!? how is this going to change our system of national security? it's all just such a confusing, painful experience.

*yawn* i'm tired, and of course this fucking night is going S L O W E R than mole asses. in trying to make my sleep schedule more consistent, i seem to have fucked it up even more...slept too much friday, then not enough yesterday and today...so now i'm tired and i'll go home and sleep, only to fuck up my schedule even more. grrr...

paige had a soccer game today - 'lil #22 didn't score any goals, but her team did win 1-0...karen, the ex-stepmonster, irked the shit out of me. practically all she said the whole time was "sit down and shut up, matt"...yeah, he was a bit annoying at first, giving play by play of whatever it was he was playing on his game boy, but later on he was just standing up talking to me and adam, not being obnoxious or anything. i don't know what she's got stuck up her ass, but damn!

so pooky and i did lunch at the abbey before going to the game...i also got a copy of his latest disc, it's pretty cool...he's a good brother.

well, i've been somewhat productive this weekend...the oil is changed, the hair is cut, the apartment is half cleaned...

pooky and i are going to paige's soccer game tomorrow - perhaps i can arrange a time with the stepmonster to have the kids for my b-day...i think pooky was a bit freaked to realize he's about to have a 29 year old sister...

got thelma & louise on dvd for ten bucks at wal-mart today...what a kick-ass movie...

cleaning the apartment is such a pain in the ass...i'm such the pack rat - all this shit, crammed into the closets and every nook and cranny...JUST IN CASE i might need it someday...yeah right...maybe i can use this donation drive for the Julian center to my advantage and get rid of a ton of stuff...

whoo hoo, another work week bites the dust...i'm gonna TRY to be productive this weekend...lots of shit to do - clean the apartment, get the oil changed in my car, get my hair cut (pondering doing the blond thing again, too)...

on tuesday, kim said i was starting to seem a bit like my old self...until i got stuck with that fucking hubler dodge ad - neal went on to other stuff and left me stuck with it, i was soooooooooo pissed...kim told me she was making a note of it for when raise time comes...good, even with only using half my brain i'm way ahead of mr. weedhead. he definitely made #1 on my shit list this week.

at one point during work, i was boasting about how wonderful i am and kim said she wished i really believed that - maybe then i'd get a girlfriend. yeah, a little self-confidence and those chicks will be all over me.

whoo hoo...happy labor day!...ya know, with my work schedule, holidays are screwed...had to work friday - normally a day off - for 12 hours...but in exchange for that i'm off sunday and monday...so now i just have to work tuesday and wednesday, then it's off for another 3.5 days! of course, i'm sure this is precisely the shit the neuro doc wants me NOT to do...so i'm gonna try to stick to a night shift schedule all week long, even on my days off...i don't think i have a problem switching to a normal human schedule on my days off, but who knows, maybe my brain doesn't agree.

3 weeks 6 days till my final birthday - yup, after 29, i'm not having any more. it's kind of weird to think about it, it seems as though these last few years have zoomed by - it was just yesterday i was in college. er, no - it wasn't yesterday, it was 1994.

paige called tonight...we only got to talk for a few minutes because karen wanted the phone...she says she'd like to get together with me and adam and linda...interesting how she includes linda...i guess it's cool that she's attached to her, since it's not like dear ol' "dad" is around...perhaps we'll get together soon...

talked with kim on friday, because i'm going to have to take 3 days off of work to do the video eeg the neurologist wants - luckily the sleep study can be done on a thursday/friday, so i won't need to take off work for that. i explained to her yet again that i'm really not trying to fuck off, that there's really something wrong going on in my head and i'm doing everything in my powers to get it taken care of. i might have to make a schedule change, but i'm going to try to do what i can without disrupting things at work. i also mentioned to her that i was very upset that this shit was happening right as we're getting ready for annual evaluations and raise time - i was kicking some serious ass at the beginning of the year and it seems as though it's all gone down the toilet. she told me not to worry, she knows i'll be getting a good raise this year. a bit of a relief, but still, i worry. worrying is one thing i'm definitely good at.

just got back from the neurologist - i'm even more scared now, i think. he needs more tests, obviously. said that the amnesia and personality changes sound more like a sleep disorder than being seizure-related...mentioned sleep apnea as a possibility. shit. thanks mom. so i need a bunch of blood tests (B-12 and sodium levels - if they're too low, that can affect my seizure threshold) and he wants a sleep study and a video EEG - i'd have to spend a few days in the hospital for that. he wasn't happy when i told him about my fucked up work schedule and asked if i could change that. i don't know if that's a possibility or not. maybe 4 10 hour days? oh hell, i don't know what this will end up meaning. it's scary as hell though. seems as though i'm getting all the stuff mom has, only 20 years sooner. *sigh*

starting to feel a bit more human after a nice little 3 hour nap - getting to work early sucked. the meeting was with a woman from Primerica to talk to us about financial planning...er, i'd have some finances to plan if the trader would gimme a nice little raise this year...it does make me think about bumping up the contribution to my 401k though...

i almost cracked up in the meeting...so, we got a little overview of the company, then the lady told us what she'd do for us individually, providing a personal financial analysis, blah blah blah...so she says, "when we do your analysis..." but that's not what i heard - not what cheryl heard either, for that matter, cuz i could hear her chuckle behind me...we heard "when we do urinanalysis..." - i instantly thought 'i ain't peeing in a cup for this!'...*8-)

so, glenn was totally wedged up this woman's ass too, and i went off on him - i asked her a question and he started to answer and i glared at him, pointed at him and told him to be quiet, i didn't ask him. think i was speaking for everyone in the room, he was getting on EVERYBODY's nerves...

very unfortunate i didn't hit that powerball last week...

current discussion topic: sick pets...dogs with brain tumors, putting animals to sleep, et al...er, what the hell? is there a full moon out or something? i work with a bunch of weirdos...of course, i fit right in...

amazing the 2am conversation topics we have here at work - tonight: Potted Meat -- apparently clare had some at her desk - people really eat this stuff? i remember dave barry's column of long ago about the stuff - yich! ingredients include: Mechanically Separated Chicken, Beef Tripe, Partially Defatted Cooked Beef Fatty Tissue, Beef Hearts, Water, Partially Defatted Cooked Pork Fatty Tissue, Salt. Less than 2 percent: Mustard, Natural Flavorings, Dried Garlic, Dextrose, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite. i suppose it's good that someone out there's eating this stuff - less going to waste and all, but...can it really be considered food?!?

those 5:42am blahs....*blah*....tired of working, tired of being here, just tired in general...

busy week ahead...we've got some bullshit masturbatory - er, mandatory - meeting wednesday at 4pm - what a crock of shit! hafta come into work 2 hours early for some HR meeting...and with the labor day holiday happening, we're working a 12 hr shift friday, which is normally a day off...yeah, we get sunday and monday off, but it still sucks to have everything turned upside down...

whine, whine, bitch, moan, complain...

weird ass mah jongg night...we belatedly celebrated greg's birthday...he's sick but refuses to see a doc or even take drugs for it...so he's cranky, and dale's cranky cuz greg insists on being cranky, and i was still cranky about the wreck...but we still ate chinese food and played mah jongg...think we all had improved moods by the end of the night...

i skipped lesbo games night last night cuz i was feeling weird - probably for the best, i think i had another seizure...not a bad one, thankfully...i've kept it to myself though - don't want mom worrying about me more than she already does...

well, i've put a dent in the resale value on my car - literally. out shopping for greg's b-day and running errands and it started pouring down rain. the stoplight at southport & madison was out - am i the only person in indy that knows you're supposed to treat that situation as a 4-way stop? so, i managed to get through that intersection and was going along southport rd when the light at shelby turned red. there were 3 or 4 cars at the stop, i put on the brakes, but the road was wet and i just skidded along....*BAM!*...plowed into the back of a guy...i had tried to get into the turn lane, since there was no one there, but steering was for naught. so i just hit the corner of his car....he pulled up and turned on to shelby - at first i thought he was leaving, cuz he was going pretty fast...but he pulled over and got out and looked at his car...just a bit of a scratch on his back bumper - my car was another story. i asked if he wanted me to call the cops...he told me not to worry about it, it was just a $50 car he drove around. *whew!* so at least i don't have to worry about it fucking up my insurance or anything.

the totally weird thing about it? i had dido in the CD player, and was listening to track #9 - "Slide" and she's belting out "don't sliiiiiiiiiide!" when i plowed into the guy...

now i've got a headache and i'm tired and cranky and ARGH!

met with deb last night, to explain to her that i hadn't dropped off the face of the earth and that i still wanted to be involved with switchboard. i'd forgotten about her whole psych background - she was very...what's the word i want?...not touchy-feely, but a bit more understanding and concerned than other people might be...

so, due to lack of volunteers and such, they're cutting back the switchboard from 7 nights a week to fri-sat-sun...i told her that sucked for me cuz thursday was the night i typically did it - it had worked out for me cuz i'd do switchboard thursday, whatever on friday and mah jongg on saturday...she said she also did thursdays...so, we might do thu-fri-sat-sun now...i need to see how the IYG thing goes, if they're gonna schedule me for specific thursdays or what...

doc english told me what i already knew - i need to get my ass to the neurologist...er, my brain, actually...i didn't know, however, that it could be any one of 'em - so i'll reschedule tomorrow and hopefully get in before mid-september...went and had a tegretol level drawn at the lab - doc said she might get the results tomorrow...seems weird i'd have this seizure now, when i've been better lately at taking my meds than at any point previously...*shrug*

i *FINALLY* finished unloading all the groceries from the HUGE trip to K-roger....because we made the requisite purchases during the month prior, we got a 20% discount on all the groceries we bought this trip. so i had all my coupons and rainchecks ready to go...spent $110, saved $298+ - yeah, i got four hundred bucks worth of groceries for a hundred bucks! it was probably closer to five hundred, cuz Amanda the Kroger Cashier Goddess didn't have to scan half the shit i got that was BOGOF on the rainchecks....ahhhh, BOGOF - think that's my favorite acronym...Buy One Get One Free...had so much shit i filled TWO grocery carts...amanda's totally cool - am i a complete freak for having a crush on the cashier? at first my gaydar was saying "DYKE" but she mentioned she recently got married - to a man. damn. maybe she swings both ways...*smirk* i just have to wonder though - she's a hell of a lot nicer to me than any other customers...

so, i got lots of shit that i'll be able to donate to the Julian Center - i set up a donation drive at work...not quite sure what possessed me to do it, not like i'm a battered wife or anything, but hey, it hit some nerve inside me...so i'll be responsible for collecting donations that my co-workers bring in, from food to clothing and baby items...

got "high art" on dvd....had to get it through ebay - it's not available in the US...apparently this one's from Taiwan...wow, now i can turn on the subtitles and brush up on my Chinese...it's such a freakin' awesome movie - i don't know specifically what it is about it that has touched me, but i just really really like this movie...

got to get some sleep....doc appt in the afternoon, then meeting up with debbie tomorrow night to catch up on things...

funny stuff...

the night crew has determined my nationality - i'm Lesbonian. or is it Lesbonian-American? *8-)

this came about because we were talking about the theory that if you're right handed, your right breast is larger than your left, if you're left handed, yer left breast is larger...

so somebody brought up the idea that if they're the same size, they must be artificially enhanced....donna asked how you could tell if boobs were fake and i answered - "they taste different..." well, she just totally freaked when i said that...it was funny as hell...

ya know, we have discussions like this in our department and just this week they reposted the sexual harassment policy on the board - coincidence?

"You need to listen to your body, because your body listens to you." - words of wisdom from Dr. Phil...

so, now just what in the HELL is my body saying to me?!?

*yawn* well, my eyes are open and i'm out of bed, but i don't know that i'm really awake yet....i fell asleep this morning, so i didn't get to call in to the doc's office...i'll shoot for getting in there on thursday...this is the disadvantage to my work schedule - trying to get anything done M-W is a major pain in the ass...

CSG can suck my dick! not a clue who she/he is - CSG is the initials of some freak of a salesperson in Nashville, but her/his ad layouts are for SHIT! Illegible, incoherent, and annoying as hell - and ya just know this is the first person to bitch that her/his ads are fucked up! argh!!

emily pitt called me! unfortunately, i had to be stuck here at work, but we still managed to have a nice conversation...what a hottie...too bad she's not on bifem any more...i was really looking forward to seeing her in rhode island this weekend...but my brain had other plans, i guess *pout*...sounds like she's doing very well in boston...perhaps i'll catch up with her at Michigan next year - it's something i've always been meaning to do, but have yet to do it...

so i gave clara the address to my blog...and she replied with an email...sometimes it's unnerving, just how right she is...*8-) i suppose some of my freakish dreams of late are epilepsy related, and some are mom related. there has been some added pressure on me lately, since mom broke her foot on the sidewalk in front of my neighbor's - she wouldn't have done it had she not been coming over here to take my ass to the hospital...i'm really good at that GUILT emotion....

amazing the weirdness the web contains: http://www.babysmasher.com

'tis that weird time of night - 1:30, sunday night - technically monday morning...having just gotten home from work an hour ago, i'm sorely tempted to take a nap, but i know better than that, for it'll totally fuck up my schedule...i need to stay up till morning and then sleep all day before going to work at 7pm monday night...sometimes i don't like the weird schedule i work, but for the most part, i really do like it - 3.5 day weekends are cool. almost seems like it would be impossible to go to a 5-day, 9-to-5 job...but would that be better for my brain? is this work schedule part of the problem when it comes to my seizures? wish i knew just what it was that caused this last seizure - it was so much different than ones before. is it even related? and to cause such personality changes in me, for such an extended period of time - just what in the hell is going on? been having really weird dreams lately too - is it related? dreams of fighting with mom - mean, nasty, horrible, hateful fights....or the dream of sleeping and waking up to find i'm lying on pieces of broken glass - i throw them away, only to find more re-appear....is the dream related to my continually cleaning up the broken glass from my trashing my apartment during my seizure? sheesh, i can't even begin to count how many candles and decorations i broke - slivers of glass all over, and just when i think i've swept it all up, i'll find more. so many questions in my mind, about my mind...

Glucophage, Actos, Tegretol XR, Zoloft, Zocor, Naproxen, Ortho-Novum, Minocycline HCL, Noritate, Ocuvite Lutein - i'm a fucking pharmacy. 10 pills in the morning, 5 pills at night, and a cream to apply at bedtime. diabetes, epilepsy, carpal tunnel, polycystic ovary syndrome, depression, high cholesterol, roseacea, crappy eyesight, and who knows what the fuck else is wrong with me. being sick sucks. the seizure i had july 28 has very obviously fucked me up, to the point that i'm still not over it. it's changed me, i'm a different person. they've told me here at work that i'm different - kim's comparing me to neal, saying i'm always bitching about work, that it seems as though i hate my job. i don't hate my job, i've just found that lately my temper is for shit, i don't have the patience to deal with all the fuckups we continually fix...i must get to the doctor to get this shit figured out.

whoo hoo! chinese food for dinner means it's fortune cookie time! "You have a quiet and unobtrusive nature." Yeah. Uh huh. Yuppers. That's me, all right!

whoo hoo! nothing like a nice little nervous breakdown to start off the work week! my brain is doing some seriously fucked up things - my memory is shot to hell. pretty bad when you can't remember how long you've worked at a place, or where the hell the startup button is to freehand on the computer. i've been here 3+ years, for christ's sake! gonna have to bump up my appointment with the neurologist - i've got to figure out what in the hell is wrong with me.

whoo hoo! a night of Dale Bondage comes to a close...an early evening, i suppose - back in the olden days we closed the bars down and were still dancing...getting old sucks. *sigh* oh well...evening went as i suspected - first dinner at Some Guys, then off to see the show at the Ten, then off to dance at Utopia...i figured i'd see some pitch-in/games night chicks at utopia, but i only saw one - Laura...i was getting pretty nostalgic as the night wore on - why can't things be like they were in the old days? *shrug*

whoo hoo! getting ready for some Dale Bondage! greg's left town - and tho i do love the boy dearly - i don't get much time with the Dalester...we're gonna rectify that tonite. *8-) first dinner - hopefully at Some Guys Pizza, i've been having the craving for it! - and then a bit of barhopping...perhaps see a show at the Ten, then dance our asses off at Utopia....all in a desperate attempt to relive those days of old....oh, those thursday nights, after IYG, drinking and dancing away at the Ten...and the nights of Sissy Bingo at Jimmy's...good memories...i know we can't go back in time, but it sure would be nice to do it every once in a while...

whoo hoo! welcome to the 21st century! 'tis about time i've gotten on the web!

so, this blog is an attempt to fill you in on the life of me, Lori, The Pillsbury Dough Dyke. it's also my attempt at keeping a journal, since i find myself at a computer keyboard a hell of a lot more than in front of an actual journal, pen in hand.

who am i? Lori Beth, 28 years old - DOB 9/30/72 (makes me a libra), from Indianapolis, IN - i'm a Production Designer for trader.com. Collect Pillsbury Dough Boy stuff, hence the nickname. Major media junkie. Currently very single. Bleeding heart liberal. Volunteer for a few organizations here in Indy - Gay/Lesbian Switchboard and the Indiana Youth Group, amongst others. more info will emerge, be sure of it! *8-)