Mom and i helped Marian make more arrangements today - we met with people at Crown Hill to arrange the burial, went and ordered flowers from a florist, and bought Dametri an outfit to be buried in. finding an outfit was especially difficult because he's sooooooo small - even christening gowns we found were obviously going to be too big, although they're SUPPOSED to be too big. eventually we found an outfit at a boutique in greenwood.
the funeral is tuesday - i just want it to be over and done with - the pain's obviously not going to go away, but just to be able to hit the FFWD key on the remote control of life just a bit would be a good thing, it seems...
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Friday, April 15, 2005
family emergency
on thursday morning, mom and i received a phone call - my cousin Marian had prematurely given birth to twin boys less than 3 weeks prior, and she'd finally gotten the smaller of the two home the day before. now, less than 10 hours after getting him home, he was dead.
Dametri Bernard Williams was barely 20 days old. the funeral's on tuesday.
they're still sorting things out, but it appears that his cause of death is being poor - it seems that Medicaid babies are shuttled out of the hospital a bit sooner than others. perhaps that's paranoia, but he was barely FOUR POUNDS when sent home, and when he was in the hospital he'd had problems with eating and a variety of other issues.
Dominic Edward Williams went home several days before Dametri - he'd not had nearly the number of problems his twin brother had, tho he's still a preemie in a very delicate state.
this hits me and my mother especially hard because Marian asked us to be Dominic & Dametri's godmothers. i actually haven't seen Dametri - when he was born, i had a cold or some bug, and knowing how fragile they were as preemies, i knew to stay the hell away from the hospital, even though i so desperately wanted to see my godsons. now the only chance i'll get to see Dametri is shortly before they bury him on Tuesday. we got together today to take care of some of the arrangements, and i got to meet Dominic - he's sooooo tiny!!! a 0-3 mos. sized sleeper is enormous on him.
it's too much - i'll have to blog more later
Dametri Bernard Williams was barely 20 days old. the funeral's on tuesday.
they're still sorting things out, but it appears that his cause of death is being poor - it seems that Medicaid babies are shuttled out of the hospital a bit sooner than others. perhaps that's paranoia, but he was barely FOUR POUNDS when sent home, and when he was in the hospital he'd had problems with eating and a variety of other issues.
Dominic Edward Williams went home several days before Dametri - he'd not had nearly the number of problems his twin brother had, tho he's still a preemie in a very delicate state.
this hits me and my mother especially hard because Marian asked us to be Dominic & Dametri's godmothers. i actually haven't seen Dametri - when he was born, i had a cold or some bug, and knowing how fragile they were as preemies, i knew to stay the hell away from the hospital, even though i so desperately wanted to see my godsons. now the only chance i'll get to see Dametri is shortly before they bury him on Tuesday. we got together today to take care of some of the arrangements, and i got to meet Dominic - he's sooooo tiny!!! a 0-3 mos. sized sleeper is enormous on him.
it's too much - i'll have to blog more later
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Dr. Ana Priscu - in a class all by herself.
so, today i went to my appointment to see Dr. Ana Priscu - a regularly scheduled 6-month checkup with the endocrinologist. all my labs looked okay, except i'm still having problems with my cholesterol, so we're gonna up the Zocor dosage.
it started off on a bad note - my appointment was scheduled for 11:45, i get there at 11:40 only to find a variety of insurance problems. so we get things somewhat sorted out and i sit and wait for my appointment...and i wait...and i wait...it's 12:50 before i get into an exam room. i'm seeething, ready to just yell and scream at whoever walks in the door.
next person to walk in the door, dr. priscu. no yelling and screaming tho - she asks how i'm doing, and i burst into tears. tell her about my trying to lose weight and about the evil bastard neurologist at the neurology clinic that told me to tape my mouth shut. i mean, this guy has my medical history in front of him, including a diagnosis from his office's psychiatrist of me as having bulimia, as well as notes from my regular doctor and endocrinologist about my diabetes and other health issues, and he tells me to stop eating altogether. i think, if one wanted to get really nitpicky about it, what he said could qualify as malpractice. so anyway, i tell dr. priscu about this and we talk about my options. she looks at my chart, sees that it's not like i'm gaining weight, i've been very stable - just fat. perhaps going on the medically supervised weight loss program my mother's been on would work, using a nutrition supplement in lieu of food while learning how to change your eating habits et cetera for the better. i tell dr. priscu i probably can't afford the program, because all i have now as far as income goes is food stamps and i've taxed my mother financially enough as it is so i can't ask her to pay for it. dr. priscu tells me that she'll waive her fees and can probably get the supplement to me at a discounted rate. then she realizes what i'd told her earlier -- that i'd been diagnosed as bulimic by a psychiatrist -- disqualifies me from the program. having an eating disorder and trying this program would probably cause depression (enough of which i have already) and people with eating disorders tend to focus soooo much on the numbers that bad things can happen - purging, etc. she tells me that weight watchers would probably be a good alternative. then she asks me if she can help me with this and pay my fees to go to weight watchers. yes, a doctor GIVING money to her patients. i tell her i can't possibly accept, i have a hard enough time accepting help from my mother, i'm not about to ask anyone else for help. she tells me about coming from romania years and years ago and not having any money but now she's got plenty and she wants to help me. she tells me i'm young, i'm smart, and that i DESERVE this neurosurgery. (why the hell can't i get MYSELF to believe those things??) then she leaves the office and returns a few minutes later with an envelope - in it is $140 in cash, which will cover enrollment fees and 12 weeks of the program.
she's just so fucking wonderful - and i don't say that just because she gave me money, but because she's so honest and encouraging and respectful of her patients. she just blows me away.
it started off on a bad note - my appointment was scheduled for 11:45, i get there at 11:40 only to find a variety of insurance problems. so we get things somewhat sorted out and i sit and wait for my appointment...and i wait...and i wait...it's 12:50 before i get into an exam room. i'm seeething, ready to just yell and scream at whoever walks in the door.
next person to walk in the door, dr. priscu. no yelling and screaming tho - she asks how i'm doing, and i burst into tears. tell her about my trying to lose weight and about the evil bastard neurologist at the neurology clinic that told me to tape my mouth shut. i mean, this guy has my medical history in front of him, including a diagnosis from his office's psychiatrist of me as having bulimia, as well as notes from my regular doctor and endocrinologist about my diabetes and other health issues, and he tells me to stop eating altogether. i think, if one wanted to get really nitpicky about it, what he said could qualify as malpractice. so anyway, i tell dr. priscu about this and we talk about my options. she looks at my chart, sees that it's not like i'm gaining weight, i've been very stable - just fat. perhaps going on the medically supervised weight loss program my mother's been on would work, using a nutrition supplement in lieu of food while learning how to change your eating habits et cetera for the better. i tell dr. priscu i probably can't afford the program, because all i have now as far as income goes is food stamps and i've taxed my mother financially enough as it is so i can't ask her to pay for it. dr. priscu tells me that she'll waive her fees and can probably get the supplement to me at a discounted rate. then she realizes what i'd told her earlier -- that i'd been diagnosed as bulimic by a psychiatrist -- disqualifies me from the program. having an eating disorder and trying this program would probably cause depression (enough of which i have already) and people with eating disorders tend to focus soooo much on the numbers that bad things can happen - purging, etc. she tells me that weight watchers would probably be a good alternative. then she asks me if she can help me with this and pay my fees to go to weight watchers. yes, a doctor GIVING money to her patients. i tell her i can't possibly accept, i have a hard enough time accepting help from my mother, i'm not about to ask anyone else for help. she tells me about coming from romania years and years ago and not having any money but now she's got plenty and she wants to help me. she tells me i'm young, i'm smart, and that i DESERVE this neurosurgery. (why the hell can't i get MYSELF to believe those things??) then she leaves the office and returns a few minutes later with an envelope - in it is $140 in cash, which will cover enrollment fees and 12 weeks of the program.
she's just so fucking wonderful - and i don't say that just because she gave me money, but because she's so honest and encouraging and respectful of her patients. she just blows me away.
Monday, April 11, 2005
heh heh heh...
You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!
What kind of kiss are you?
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