ya know, it's pretty fucking stupid that the war hysteria out there forces a damned MUSTARD COMPANY to issue a bulletin that although their name is French's, they're definitely NOT French...so spread the word, lest dumbasses take to bombing French's mustard factories, in the same way they did damage to French Cleaners, a dry cleaner in California...

bummer, had to cancel tonight's plans with angela, diana and other chicks - i was really looking forward to dinner at Marco's then off to see "Dear Mrs. Roosevelt" but i couldn't do it - having difficulties breathing...

alas, i had to go to the doc, who then sent me for a chest x-ray.

thankfully, no pneumonia, but apparently i'm dealing with atelectasis now, which is causing major shortness of breath - i've joined the rest of my family members in the Inhaler club! i've been lucky enough not to have asthma like pooky and mom, but i'm certainly relating to them right now - this sucks...guess i didn't realize how important breathing is...

woah...interesting essay - "George W. Bush manifests all the classic patterns of what alcoholics in recovery call 'the dry drunk.'"

clara, babe, i like your .sig:

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless,
whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism
or the holy name of liberty or democracy? -- Mahatma Gandhi

and don't forget to download john mellencamp's latest "To Washington" at www.mellencamp.com - a little too folky for me, but i give it bonus points for pissing off the republicans! ;-)

so, ready to make that anti-war mix? the song currently running through my head is "Gun Shy" by 10,000 Maniacs...

here's a page of Anti War Songs...then there's the Anti-War Songs, à la Carte page...oh wait, we can't go there, the title has French in it, and we're not supposed to like them anymore...

dunno why i didn't think to put a pic in before - here's me just after surgery on monday:



i've titled it "FrankenLori"...

Thursday - Day Four as Robo-Lori...actually, i feel more like Pez Dispenser Lori...when i was out & about yesterday, it was interesting to see people's reactions to seeing me, particularly children...i was ooooooooooh so tempted to tell one kid with a horrified look on her face, "Do what Mommy says, or she'll try to cut your head off!" - but i refrained! don't wanna be responsible for paying for years of therapy for the kid...

amazing what ya learn about your body after surgery - i tend to sleep on my right side, but doing this changes the position of the VNS - it feels like it's jutting out of my body. don't know that it hurts as much as just plain freaks me out, so i've been sleeping in different positions.

my throat is still very sore, but the coughing up bloody chunks has subsided - now i just feel the urge to cough stuff up every few hours - sometimes i actually will cough something up, other times just coughing provides relief.

it's weird to find myself out of breath so much - it's mom and pooky that have been the asthmatics in the house all these years!!! i've been using the Voldyne 5000 that i picked up at Dr. Young's office yesterday - it's purpose is to help me with deep breathing...hell, maybe i can become a clarinet player after this! ;-)

my voice going back and forth between normal and raspy, sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get any sound out, other times it's just like it was before surgery.

i've been fighting a fever all day, so i suspect i'll head to the doc's office tomorrow - right now i've got a terrible case of the chills - brrrrrr! - but my temp's only 99.4

the left side of my chin is numb - hafta talk to the doc about that, to see if that's something that will be a long-term thing or if it's just temporary - either way, no biggie, just something i've noticed...

went to the mandatory meeting, which wasn't exactly what i was expecting, and ended up getting pretty pissed off - they cancelled the 4:00 meeting but didn't bother calling to tell me. well, they forgot to cancel the interpreter for our deaf co-workers, so i got to sit in on the 4:00 meeting after all. argh. argh. argh. that's about all i can say.

meanwhile, i'm running a fever - think i'll be talking to dr. young tomorrow cuz i'm not sure i'm fighting off the infection like i should be...having difficulties breathing as well - not difficulties, i suppose, just that i find myself short of breath quite a bit...the pain is somewhat tolerable - i just wish i hadn't subjected myself to the typical work bullshit (even if it was for just an hour) and stayed the hell home.

wednesday morning - i'm in some pretty bad pain right now - probably cuz i slept and didn't keep up with doing the painkillers every 4-6 hours. at this point i'm not sure i can make it to the mandatory meeting at work, let alone stay and work a whole shift. i seem to have had a complication from the anesthesia - i've been coughing up lots of nasty bloody stuff. today i'm running a fever as well - 99.9 - somewhat high considering i usually run below the "normal" 98.6...if the fever doesn't subside, it may be time for a trip to the doc...

time for more details about the surgery...

so, Monday, March 17, 2003...St. Vincent's told me to arrive at 10:30, for my surgery that was scheduled at 12:30 - that definitely set the tone: hurry up and wait. Got there at 10:30 and they were surprised to find that all the paperwork they may have needed from me was taken care of when i did the pre-op bloodwork/ekg 4 days prior. so we (that's myself and mom) sit and wait. and wait. and wait. shortly before noon, they called my name and took me back to a pre-op waiting room - they tell me to get totally nekkid and put on the be-yoo-tiful hospital gown, blue hairnet and footies. they ask me yet again to make sure i'm not wearing any jewelry or anything (she actually asked if i had a belly-button piercing!) and i said no - i was only wearing what they gave me to put on. they start an IV on me, the nurse having difficulty finding a good vein - guess they've taken to hiding, what with all the blood donations and tests i've had done over the years! eventually she gets me stuck in my left arm. they checked all the other vital stuff too - my pulse, blood pressure, listened to my lungs, checked my temp, pulse-ox, etc etc...

so they brought mom back into the room and she waited with me until they took me to yet another waiting area, this one with curtains to separate patients rather than actual rooms. i'd see doctors look at me and walk by - how did they know who i was?!? well, apparently there was a dry erase board above my head behind me that had my name on it! i'm curious as to what else it said, because at one point the surgery department chaplain walked by, and stopped by the bed next to mine to talk to the woman having knee surgery. she said hello to me as she walked by, and said "We'll take real good care of you. I promise." was there something on the board above me that let her know i wasn't a religious person? not sure.

after some more waiting, i finally met Dr. Nouri - he told me he was going to be my anesthesiologist and would be putting stuff in my IV to send me off to sleep. then it was off to the operating room!

certainly wasn't anything like you'd see on er - the biggest thing i noticed was all the lights - big round lamps above me. certainly a good thing - i want the docs seeing what they're doing!! that's much more important than mood lighting like they show ya on tv. the other thing i noticed was the drastic temp change in the OR - it was very cool, maybe 60-65 degrees. there were several people scurrying about, getting things ready. as i was sliding onto the operating table from the gurney i'd been on, i saw Dr. Young, said "hi doc!" and that was the last i remember of him. dr. nouri had me slide into position onto the table, put a mask on me and told me to keep taking deep breaths...deeep breaths....deeeeep breaths. told me i was doing very good.

that's all i remember till after the surgery.

the next thing i remember is waking up in the room i'd been in before - everything was blurry. blurry blurry blurry. kept trying to focus my eyes, but it was all just blurry. the nurse was telling me i'd done a great job in surgery and everything was all right. they had put a breathing tube in during surgery, and it was already out when i woke up - my throat was SORE! the nurse fed me ice chips and asked me to rate my pain on the wong baker happy/sad face scale they'd shown me before - told her my pain was between 7 and 8, on a scale of 1 to 10. they gave me some morphine and something else through my iv - an anti-inflammatory whose name i've forgotten, it was something i don't recall having had before. eventually we graduated from ice chips to drinking some diet sprite - i was ambivalent about it at first, the thought of drinking something fizzy put me off, but apple juice and the other options given me didn't sound good either...the diet sprite was great, very refreshing. amazing how the simplest little things can mean so much - freakin ice chips felt like a gourmet meal!

alrighty, time for a break...i'll continue later....

I sent the Indianapolis Star a comment for their column, Let It Out, and it ran in Sunday's newspaper:

A scary concept: outpatient neurosurgery. Nonetheless, I'm going for it on Monday. Wish me luck!

warning - nasty stuff ahead:

it's the day after surgery - pretty danged sore, but good overall...the vicodin's taking the edge off the pain for now...

throat's pretty sore, coughing up nasty chunks of blood/phlegm...moving my head to the right, stretching the part with the scars, is not very comfortable...the neck incision was larger than i thought it would be - when i got out of surgery, docs & nurses were raving about how good it was and how it'd be barely noticeable - it sure as hell is noticable now! looks like someone tried to cut my head off, and got about 1/3 of the job done before giving up.

pills are kickin in - time for a nap...

Rest in peace, Howard Warren.