Saturday, September 17, 2005
flowers...
it was really nice of all of mom's friends to send these beautiful bouquets and baskets of flowers while she was in the hospital, but it's made me realize something - i fucking HATE carnations. they're pretty enough, but the smell just reminds me of death. perhaps because they're predominant in funeral arrangements? i dunno, but the arrangements that have carnations in them are gonna be gone sooner rather than later.
topsy-turvy...
i tell you, things seem soooo different nowadays...i guess it's like being Alice in Wonderland, i'm looking through the Looking Glass and everything is just soooooo - i don't even have the words for it.
one thing i've noticed is how completely ABSURD things seem.
i'm noticing lots of ironic things as well...case in point: i'm a non-smoker, smoked only socially in college, might every once in a while have a clove cigarette. when kris and i were together and she worked at bars that tobacco reps visited (primarily the Slippery Noodle) and we'd fill out a card and get some little prize - i've gotten cigarette coupons in the mail for YEARS although i don't smoke. friends i've had that smoke tons never get coupons and i get stuff in the mail all the time. so now i've got a mom with lung cancer, most likely from her smoking. yesterday's mail brought a package addressed to me from Marlboro - "On your big night nothing beats LIVING IT UP with a full house" says the outside of the box - inside there's a note that says "Here's to a year full of action - Happy birthday from Marlboro" and a deck of playing cards included.
it's gonna be a less full house these days, with me taking mom to radiation treatments for the next month.
as for the "year full of action" - that seems a bit fucked up, because the small amount of research i've done on mom's cancer says that she's got a year or two to live. yeah, guess we'll be making the most of that year, since that might be all she's got.
so, they have to put the surgeon general's warning on the box, even tho there are no cigarettes in the package: "Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health." Mom quit smoking about eight years ago.
i know it's just chance that this stuff would come in the mail the week of my mother's lung cancer diagnosis, but sheesh...
one thing i've noticed is how completely ABSURD things seem.
i'm noticing lots of ironic things as well...case in point: i'm a non-smoker, smoked only socially in college, might every once in a while have a clove cigarette. when kris and i were together and she worked at bars that tobacco reps visited (primarily the Slippery Noodle) and we'd fill out a card and get some little prize - i've gotten cigarette coupons in the mail for YEARS although i don't smoke. friends i've had that smoke tons never get coupons and i get stuff in the mail all the time. so now i've got a mom with lung cancer, most likely from her smoking. yesterday's mail brought a package addressed to me from Marlboro - "On your big night nothing beats LIVING IT UP with a full house" says the outside of the box - inside there's a note that says "Here's to a year full of action - Happy birthday from Marlboro" and a deck of playing cards included.
it's gonna be a less full house these days, with me taking mom to radiation treatments for the next month.
as for the "year full of action" - that seems a bit fucked up, because the small amount of research i've done on mom's cancer says that she's got a year or two to live. yeah, guess we'll be making the most of that year, since that might be all she's got.
so, they have to put the surgeon general's warning on the box, even tho there are no cigarettes in the package: "Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health." Mom quit smoking about eight years ago.
i know it's just chance that this stuff would come in the mail the week of my mother's lung cancer diagnosis, but sheesh...
Thursday, September 15, 2005
*sigh*
so i just brought mom home from the hospital - the story is that she's got lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. 3 tumors in her brain, 1 in her lung, and we're waiting on results from the bone scan to tell if it's anywhere else.
if there's anyone out there reading, please say a prayer (be it to god, the flying spaghetti monster, whoever your higher power may be) for my momma - she's a damned good woman.
reading stuff on the net has its good and bad qualities - i always think it's good to be well-informed, but then again, do i really want to read "Prognosis typically is poor...Patients with the best prognostic indicators often die within 18-24 months."?
there just aren't words for what i'm feeling right now.
if there's anyone out there reading, please say a prayer (be it to god, the flying spaghetti monster, whoever your higher power may be) for my momma - she's a damned good woman.
reading stuff on the net has its good and bad qualities - i always think it's good to be well-informed, but then again, do i really want to read "Prognosis typically is poor...Patients with the best prognostic indicators often die within 18-24 months."?
there just aren't words for what i'm feeling right now.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
shattered
just got home from taking mom to the emergency room this evening - we found out why she's been feeling so awful these past few weeks...cancer. after numerous blood tests, an ekg, more blood tests and more tests came back with nothing, the doc ordered a cat scan. the cat scan's showed multiple lesions on her brain. "is it cancer?" i asked the doc? because i have lesions on my brain that cause my epilepsy, but they're not cancerous, they just scramble my brain with seizures. yes, he told me, the probably were cancerous, but were not brain tumors, they probably have come about from cancer elsewhere in her body - possibly her lungs, of which the x-ray came back abnormal.
i just can't fucking believe it. thankfully, mom was a bit drugged up when the doc made the announcement, so she didn't go off the deep end like i did. and i so did not want to freak out - this isn't the end of the world, we still have a lot more learning to do, but it's just sooooo....there aren't words for it.
i just can't fucking believe it. thankfully, mom was a bit drugged up when the doc made the announcement, so she didn't go off the deep end like i did. and i so did not want to freak out - this isn't the end of the world, we still have a lot more learning to do, but it's just sooooo....there aren't words for it.
Monday, September 12, 2005
The George W Bush Speechwriter
maybe if Dubya used this site himself, he wouldn't have to spend so much time removing his foot from his mouth...The George W Bush Speechwriter
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)