Beakman...

just in case you were wondering whatever happened to Beakman (aka Paul Zaloom), from Beakman's World (no, not the Muppet - that's Beaker!) - apparently he's a "solo political satirist (hunh?), puppeteer (Flavor of the Month!), and performance artist (the Mime of the '00's?), who lives and works in fabulous Los Angeles."

i always did think that Beakman kicked Bill Nye the Science Guy's ass...

oh yeah, and he's queer too. *8-)

I'm gonna be President!


Get your position here

miscellaneous stuff from the web...

a posting of links of interest that i found today...

From SomethingAwful: With 250 billion dollars the United States could have purchased...

Mahna Mahna - the video!

Interesting facts about Mahna Mahna!

WalmartDotGov: Scrimping Our Way Toward a Prosperous Future

World Jump Day

Family reunion...

i really didn't mean for it to happen this way...

all i wanted was a little picnic on race day - like we did when i was a kid - at eagle creek park. i mentioned this idea to my cousins...joanie has now turned it into a huge family reunion, with a luau theme and a list of 42891202 things to do between now and the day before memorial day.

so we got together at marian's today, to get invitations together. well, at least it was another excuse to see Dominic - i feel so sad for all the other godparents out there, thinking their godchild is the cutest, when in fact it's ME that has the cutest of all! and i'm turning into the Human Pillow! i swear, he just loves how squishy i am, and apparently i have some sort of sleep-inducing qualities. he was really cranky, nobody could get him to go to sleep...so i held him and within two minutes he was OUT...

alas, there've been some storms rolling through tonight and i shouldn't be on the computer...

My wonderful godsons...

Saturday was the 1st birthday of my Godsons Dominic and Dametri - it was an occasion full of mixed emotions, for a variety of reasons. the fact that Dametri didn't make it to his first birthday was in the back of my mind, as was the fact that Mom wasn't there either (she's also Godmother to Dominic and Dametri)

it was still a good time though. Dominic (aka Swami) had lots of presents to open and there was family around to watch him attempt to open presents (i say attempt because, although he could slowly remove wrapping papers, it wasn't fast enough - especially when you're surrounded by an older brother and two older sisters. i think Atreyu, Alanis and Alivia played with Dominic's toys more than he did.

The Pacers outfit i got for him fit well, and even though his Dad initially balked at the headband that came with it, he changed his mind when he saw it on his head. Swami's got a bit of a big head, but the headband didn't really accentuate that.

after opening presents, it was time for cake! woo hoo! except Dominic isn't really big on the sweet stuff, apparently. and he was a bit tired as well (we'd had to wake him up from a nap so we could get the party started!) so we sang Happy Birthday and gave him his very own cake to get as messy as he wanted - problem was, he didn't want to. so his Daddy tried to move things along, and that got him really grumpy! he did NOT like the mess! so, being the Fairy Godmother that i am, i proceeded to tell him "Don't worry, your Fairy Godmother will take care of mean ol' Daddy" and then covered his face with cake frosting - ha ha - gotcha back!

so here's a pic of us - birthday #1!

Awesome idea...

Prepixelated Clothing!

A kick in the pants...

well here's a kick in the pants - i've got eleven and a half years to live...

yup, i'm kicking the bucket at 45...

well, at least that's what this Life Expectancy Calculator says...

some more details:

Results
Based on your answers to the above questions, your current life expectancy is 45 years. If you're not happy with the result, consider that by adopting a healthier lifestyle and avoiding various risk factors, you can increase your life expectancy by up to 15 years.

Your "ideal" weight for maximum longevity is: 139 lbs.

The three biggest positive factors that you have going for you are:
1. Age
2. Gender
3. Smoking

The three biggest negative factors that you have going for you are:
1. Family health
2. Weight
3. Diet



i guess it gives me pause to think about changing some habits and living healthier...as for making it to 139 lbs? uh....no. even with radical dieting, surgery AND crazy gluing my mouth shut, that ain't gonna happen...

Current Terror Alert...

what's your inner hair color?

Your inner hair color is brunette.

On the inside, you're mysterious and alluring. You're more likely to ask personal questions than reveal personal information. Your inner self has really nice eyelashes, and you know a good wink is worth a thousand words. Emoticons bug you, because ; ) is such a poor substitute for the real thing. If you're attracted to someone, you'd rather share 30 seconds of intense eye contact than spend an hour chatting on IM.

Funny Quote of the Day, courtesy of google...

"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."

- Jay London

Your place in humor 3-space

interesting test, i suppose...


the Cutting Edge
(57% dark, 42% spontaneous, 31% vulgar)
your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK


Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

pic o the day...

from Yahoo

Kill the Care Bears

Take down as many of those obnoxious Care Bears as possible in this game.

back online...

so i was offline cuz the laptop crashed but am now back, since i have internet service and a new desktop system up and running!

images from livejournals

Toothpaste for Dinner's got a random generator of images culled from livejournal pages - interesting to see what pics people put in their journals...

quote of the day:

"If you’re going to masturbate with the help of heavy machinery, for crying out loud, use the buddy system."

- from the article titled "Ouch! With sex injuries, love really hurts" on msnbc.com

where do they come up with this stuff?

so i got the walls painted over the weekend...the living room a shade called "White Palace" (a very light grey), the dining room and kitchen are another color i forgot to write down (a pale pale yellow), and in the bedroom i have an accent wall of "Royal Attire" with the other walls painted in "Fairy Glitter"...i'll leave it to you to guess what those colors are. ;-) dunno how they come up with all these names, but they are amusing to read...

doing grown-up things...

got new carpet on friday, then over the weekend josh came over and painted most of the place (didn't see a need to paint the office or bathrooms, but now that the rest of the place is done, i think i've changed my mind in that regard)...the sofa arrives tomorrow. i'm excited and drained, all at the same time - i just wanna snap my fingers and have it all done.

'nother psych exam on wednesday for disability - i tell ya, if they'd just call up my docs and most of my friends and family, it'd be obvious that i'm too c-razy for the real world

busy busy busy...

today was my psychological testing for my social security disability application. woo hoo. since i was already downtown, i figured i'd make the most of my time out and about and went to see my godson Dominic and the rest of his family. i'd talked to Sherry (my aunt/his grandmother) last night and she'd told me about how big he's getting, and how he's crawling a lot now - says he looks like a little bull dog when he crawls. yup, she's right. that little boy is sooo special to me, and i know the rest of the family doesn't realize it. being a Fairy Godmother's a position i take very seriously.

afterwards, went to the cemetery to see my other godson Dametri and my Mom. i've always been the type that rips off the scabs - at least physically - and that's precisely how it felt when i got to the cemetery, like a huge scab had been ripped off my heart. i can't believe i've been without mom for three months now - i'm just so totally blown away by the whole thing.

Morse Code Translator

just in case someone sends ya an email in Morse Code - here's a link to a handy-dandy translator

OMG!

Jared Leto's a leprechaun!

i'm now a homeowner!

er, well, it's a CONDO actually, but still...

started moving in yesterday. more to write when i have time....busy busy busy!!

scared to get outta bed...

i find myself awake much earlier than usual, so i start up the laptop and log in. now i'm scared to get outta bed, after finding a personal hero has died...then i read further and read of the death of a cool woman.

Nam June Paik died Sunday - the man's art just blows me away.

then there are 2984 links submitted to TotalFark about Coretta Scott King's death as well. In a rush to be the first to submit the link, it's interesting how her age gets changed around - 78, 79, 64 (?!?)

:-(

urgh...

shoulda known when i got up this morning that it would be a seizure day - between 3-8 am i kept waking up approximately every 20-30 minutes. i'd see the clock, roll over, and go back to sleep. took 4 trips to the bathroom in those hours. i finally got outta bed a bit before 10. thought perhaps taking a bath would make me feel better - did that, and sat in front of the tv and watched Fried Green Tomatoes - right around "hog boilin' time" was when i found myself rocking in the recliner and unable to control myself - i can remember my head turning to the right constantly and my eyes rolling. then i dunno what happened - wasn't a very severe seizure since i didn't wet myself (i'm sure joanie appreciates me not pissing on her furniture!) but damn if this headache ain't a bitch.

Which random phallic object are you?

Which random phallic object are you?
Quiz by Andrea.

Kat-Napped

what started as just a little trip up to U of I to pick up a check turned into a full-fledged Kat-Napping today.

'twas good to spend some time with my bestest friend - we went to the cemetery to see Mom (still haven't purchased her headstone, it's been on my "To Do" list for a while now)...the weather was beautiful - near 60 degrees in january?!? i suppose i should be scared - these crazy damned climate changes can't be good - but instead we enjoyed the day.

after the cemetery, it was off to pick jacob up - couldn't find any movies that we all wanted to see, so we headed out to play Putt-Putt - yes, miniature golf in January!! things got a bit tense between jake and kat - makes me realize that sometimes i'm glad i don't have kids, and it's good to be an innocent bystander.

after that, we did some roaming around - borders to look for stuff, then linens-n-things and bed bath and beyond to look for new covers for the new bed she's getting. looking at all the housewares freaks me out a bit, cuz i know i'll be unpacking and/or shopping for that type of stuff in the near future...

danny gave me a list of 90 different condos that i may be interested in looking at - i've whittled it down in half. seems that staying on the south side might be my best bet - stuff downtown is so expensive AND small - why pay 50% more and get something half the size?

no major decisions to be made on that stuff till at least after wednesday, when i meet with a lawyer to discuss my disability case and a few other issues. my aunt joan is in town from ohio to work on momma's estate. the plan is to have everything outta the house by the weekend - crazy, but i think it can be done - i just have to pack stuff up and get it moved and go through it later - for now, sifting through boxes and being flooded with memories is just making the task that much harder and slower.

No Pants!!!

damn, i wish i was in NYC today! Improv Everywhere had their 5th annual No-Pants Subway Ride.

i love not wearing pants, and to share the joy of being pantsless with everyone else in the city would be spiffy!

wonder if indy would be ready for something like this some time in the next millenium....

informative article on Photographer's Rights

here's a snippet from, "New digital camera? Know how, where you can use it" by Andrew Cantor, USA Today, 12/25/05

If you can see it, you can shoot it

Let's get the easy stuff out of the way. Aside from sensitive government buildings (e.g., military bases), if you're on public property you can photograph anything you like, including private property. There are some limits — using a zoom lens to shoot someone who has a reasonable expectation of privacy isn't covered — but no one can come charging out of a business and tell you not to take photos of the building, period.

Further, they cannot demand your camera or your digital media or film. Well, they can demand it, but you are under no obligation to give it to them. In fact, only an officer of the law or court can take it from you, and then only with a court order. And if they try or threaten you? They can be charged with theft or coercion, and you may even have civil recourse. Cool. (For details, see "The Photographer's Right.")

It gets better.

You can take photos any place that's open to the public, whether or not it's private property. A mall, for example, is open to the public. So are most office buildings (at least the lobbies). You don't need permission; if you have permission to enter, you have permission to shoot.

In fact, there are very few limits to what you're allowed to photograph. Separately, there are few limits to what you're allowed to publish. And the fact that they're separate issues — shooting and publishing — is important. We'll get to that in a moment.

You can take any photo that does not intrude upon or invade the privacy of a person, if that person has a reasonable expectation of privacy. Someone walking in a mall or on the street? Fair game. Someone standing in a corner, looking at his new Prozac prescription? No. Using a long lens to shoot someone in an apartment? No.

Note that the limits have nothing to do with where you are when you take the shots; it's all about the subject's expectation of privacy. You can be on private property (a mall or office-building lobby), or even be trespassing and still legally take pictures. Whether you can be someplace and whether you can take pictures are two completely separate issues.

What Famous Leader Are You?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

*woof woo-hack, cough*

i'd say i'm sicker than a dog, but that underplays how crappy i feel...

i was asking Kat for suggestions yesterday on sharp objects used for decapitation, because the kids in the daycare that joanie runs from her home have been coming in with a variety of ailments (head lice, pinkeye, runny noses and colds) but now instead of decapitating the kids, i think i'll use it on myself - my head feels swelled up to about 290 times its normal size, and i can't friggin breathe. it's not just in my head tho, i can feel the nasties rattling around in my chest.

ugh.

What does YOUR name mean in Kabbalah?

according to www.kabalarians.com, Lori:

makes you very idealistic and generous, with the strong desire to uplift humanity leading you into situations where you can express your desire to serve others. You want to assume responsibilities and to look after people; however, you can become too involved in other people's problems and tend to worry. Your name gives you a natural desire to express along artistic and musical lines. You desire a settled home and family life, and are expressive and attentive to your loved ones.

Although the name Lori creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the nervous system, worry, and mental tension.

hmmm...

Teddy vs Dubya

amusing comparison of Theodore Roosevelt and George W. Bush

WooFarkinHoo!

once again i'm a TotalFarker - Fark's the one website on the net that i pay for. Yeah, just a regular ol' FarkLite Farking isn't so bad, but TotalFark rocks!

Dontcha hate it...

Dontcha hate it when you're chatting with someone about a thing ya recently heard about and your mind goes completely blank about a term that's integral to what you're talking about? i think it was a couple of months ago that this happened with me - i believe it was kat that i was talking with, we were discussing tattoos. i made a comment about those trendy tattoos that the youngsters are getting these days in the area of the small of their backs - told her there was a term for that, but that i couldn't remember what it was, just that it was two words that rhymed together.

and then my mind went blank. doh. and blank it stayed, for a couple of months. 'til i saw the term in a fark discussion - Tramp Stamp - yeah, duh! Tramp stamp!

Hello 2006...

first post of the new year - woo hoo!

ringing in '06 was nice, went to a party at angela & diana's - a festive time was had by all.

been keeping busy with a variety of appointments - trips to the doc or therapist, checking out some real estate, blah blah blah...

so i got my half of mom's life insurance policy, which is what is enabling me to look at real estate - big decisions to make in the near future - do i wanna go back downtown, or stay here on the southside? i know that owning a home isn't for me, so do i get an apartment, or go condo? joe everhart's listing some condos in the renaissance tower building - one unit's too small for me, but buying two units and combining them is too expensive for what i want. i have a good vibe about the place though - we'll see what happens.

the check engine and coolant lights are coming on in my car - saturn wants $800 to fix the issue, tho they say it's still safe to drive - is this a sign i need to go car shopping as well and get new wheels? and do i buy or lease? i know suze orman says leasing is stupid, that it's for people that want to drive cars that are more expensive than they can afford - but mom could've easily afforded to buy the saturn she drove and leased it instead - my situation with a car is similar to the real estate issue, i guess...i could now afford it, but do i want to make that sort of commitment?

i guess mom's death has made it clear to me how silly most personal possessions are - in the grand scheme of things, they're so totally unimportant. i don't have any major desire to own a home, and it's not like i'm gonna have any offspring to pass things along to, so why buy? when it comes down to it, we're all mortal and it's all rental while you're on this planet anyhoo...

Mikhail Saakashvili - wtf?!?

so, this link on fark takes ya to a facial recognition site, where you can see what celebrities you resemble. i plugged in the pic from xmas of my brother and our brother and sister...
results:

i most resemble Mikhail Saakashvili, president of Georgia (apparently, to a lesser extent, i also resemble Albert Einstein, Alec Baldwin, Alanis Morrisette, and Saddam Hussein)

adam most resembles Kimi Raikkonen, race car driver

paige resembles singer Shania Twain

matt resembles musician Charles Aznavour

alrighty then...dunno what i think of those results, but hey, at least i learned about a couple people i didn't know about before i uploaded that pic... *8-)

learning lessons...

throughout this experience of my mom's illness and subsequent death, i've learned quite a few things - things about myself, things about other people, family & friends, yatta yatta yatta...

i've found that some of the bonds i have with people are stronger than i ever imagined - my cousin joanie's been such a tremendous help to me. not just in putting a roof over my head (yeah, i could stay in momma's house if i wanted, but i don't wanna) but also just being such a tremendous emotional support. i'm damned lucky to have her.

then there are people that i didn't know cared so much about me - friends that showed up at the funeral home or called just to tell me they were thinking about me and offered to do anything i needed. sometimes i get all wrapped up in feeling crappy and feel utterly alone - this experience has proven to me that NO, i am NOT alone.

and there are a few people, people i considered friends, that haven't said a word to me throughout. guess those bonds of friendship weren't what i thought they were. *shrug* regardless, i'm damned lucky to have the friends and family that i do have.

playin games...

joanie's dad & stepmom got me a spiffy card game for christmas - Tri-Virsity - it's a combo of rummy and scrabble, really, a card game in which you spell words and try to run out of cards before your opponents. definitely gonna play this one again.

Merry Christmas!

i've had as nice a christmas as possible, considering it was without mom. joanie and her family have been soooooo wonderful to me, making sure i'm feeling included in the holiday festivities. yesterday afternoon i went to adam's and met up with him and codi and matt and paige - sheesh, the disconnect adam and i have from matt and paige really sucks. they don't know me too well, and that makes me feel like shit. *sigh* all i can do it work to make it better from this day forward...

after adam's, i came back to joanie's and had festivities with her in-laws - they even had presents for me. we baked cookies, had a nice ham dinner, and then opened presents.

this morning, we all opened more presents - i'd told ashley yesterday that once xmas was over i wanted her to help me get some new shoes at the store she works at, since i'd seen some really spiffy chuck taylors and vans there - well, there's no need now, cuz i got em for christmas!

joanie headed to her dad's while i invited kat and jake over for presents - now i'm just soooo tired i don't think i'll make the trek out to the east side to meet up with joanie's family. i'm wiped out...

this morning's rain and sleet mix has now turned to snow - for a while it wasn't sticking, but now it appears to be doing so...

*yawn* time for a nap...

*yawn*

sitting in the dark and writing to the blog, cuz i can't sleep right now, got too many thoughts running through my mind. it's a good thing i've got an appt with the therapist tomorrow (as well as one with the shrink) because i've got a lot of things on my mind and i need to unload...

busy busy busy...

settling mom's estate...trying to figure out where to live...re-applying for disability...and in the midst of it all, the holidays...*sigh*

long time no post...

been staying at my cousin's in Whiteland since Mom died - i know that going back to the empty house i shared with Mom would NOT be good for me at this point. i just need to get everything packed up there and moved into storage until the estate is settled. ugh, packing sucks when you WANT to do it, but to do it now when i'll be bombarded with memories...it just seems too hard to bear.

got a lot of decisions to be making in the near future, and it scares the hell outta me. i'm somewhat confident that i'll make good decisions, but that doesn't stop me from feeling completely insecure.

if only Mom were here to help me get through it...*sigh*

still crazy...

shrink appt today - not EVEN gonna try fiddling around with my meds after all that's happened. i think it's good that i'm staying at my cousin's house, being around people - were i to stay at home, i know i'd totally lose it.

sleepless...

awake at this ungodly hour cuz i can't sleep. the calling was very nice yesterday - i knew a lot of people would show up, but not this many! i just hope mommma had an inkling of how much she was loved and respected. i miss her so much already - thinking of the funny stories and goofy things that were shared, on the way back to joanie's i kept thinking of things i wanted to tell mom about - but that wasn't gonna happen, at least not in the way i'd wanted to.

she's my best friend and i miss her so...

*sigh*

momma's obituary was in the paper today - there are times when it seems real, and other times that it just doesn't seem possible.

Linda C. Gravelie Southerland 57 of Indianapolis, passed away November 26, 2005. She was born May 14, 1948 in Indianapolis. She worked as a program analyst for Naval Avionics later known as Raytheon Technical Services Corporation for 30 years. Survivors include her children, Lori Beth and Adam J. Southerland; two sisters, Joan B. Starline and Sherry A. Postma; one brother, Thomas A. Gravelie and two God Children, Ashley M. Butler and Dominic Williams. Her parents, Andrew T. and Marian F. (Farnham) Gravelie, her sister, Susan F. Short and her God Son, Dametri Williams all preceded her in death. Funeral services will be conducted at 11:30 a.m. on Wednesday, November 30 at Resurrection Lutheran Church, 445 E. Stop 11 Rd. Visitation will be from 4:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. on Tuesday, November 29 at G.H. Herrmann Madison Ave. Funeral Home, 5141 Madison Ave. and from 10:30 a.m. until the time of service Wednesday at the church. Burial will be at Crown Hill Cemetery.

reading that in the newspaper made it seem less real, for some weird reason. visiting the therapist today (it was a regularly scheduled appt) seemed to help me, and i have no doubts momma would've been pissed if i'd canceled the appointment, like i wanted to do.

my mother's gone.

Linda Christine Gravelie Southerland died yesterday, Saturday November 26 at 6:50 am, after a battle with cancer.

there aren't words to describe my feelings right now.

Pat Morita

bummer to read that Pat Morita died recently - makes me wanna watch Karate Kid again

*sigh*

Haven't blogged much, because things have been pretty depressing - i should know, it's more important to blog at times like this, but it's just so damned hard. i did start a blog of stuff relating to my Momma and have posted a few things there, but i've just found it hard to find the words to adequately describe what i'm feeling...

Spiffy song of the day...

from the Fark discussion of If you were only allowed to listen to one album (CD) for the rest of your life, what would it be? i found this cool song - check it out!! "I'm a Hippopotamus with Noodles on my Back"

not only is it catchy, i'm pretty sure it would be approved by the Flying Spaghetti Monster!!!

Link of the day...

Sister-Out-Law Codi sent me this link, and it definitely amused me: Pregnancy Test

Deserve...

there's a word i've been hearing a lot lately, and it's really irritating the shit out of me.

DESERVE

people saying they deserve this, they deserve that...

the definition provided by Webster's says deserve is "to be worthy of : MERIT"

ehh, not much help there.

i guess what bugs me is that this use of deserve that's been going around is akin to "i have the right to..." - and then people rattle off a list of things that really aren't "rights"...

Alrighty, work's crazy, your home life is even crazier and you want to take a paid vacation and get away from it all - you don't DESERVE it. you might want it really bad, but that doesn't mean you DESERVE it.

Yeah, sure, you want a job making fifty grand a year that will work around your schedule and acquiesce to your needs, but you don't DESERVE it.

hell, the more i think about this crap, the more i begin to wonder what any of us really deserves...

*shrug*

What Your Underwear Says About You

What Your Underwear Says About You

You have a lucky pair of underwear. And you wear it more than you should. You're not afraid to lay around resting your hand in your pants.

The Underwear Oracle

How Many Condoms Can You Wear at Once?

er, well, not YOU personally - i'd never ask such a personal question of you! How Many Condoms Can You Wear at Once? is the question posed at myscienceproject.org (which also did an interesting study on how much alcohol you can get into a jello shot)

a very amusing experiment, particularly the photos - somehow i suspect they'll end up in a Fark Photoshop contest...

can't think of a title...

lot's gone on since my last post - 2 days after the baptism, mom was moved from the transitional care unit at st. francis to manor care healthcare center - the nursing home that my grandparents lived in about 20 years ago. now the insurance company's urging us to get mom home and use hospice care, forget about the rehab treatments and all. i know that it's all a matter of numbers - the cancer doc's looking at statistics and life expectancies and such, and the insurance company's looking at the bottom line, what's cheapest for them, but dammit, she's not giving up, so why are they insisting that she do so? alrighty, so her cancer's advanced and it's incurable, but that does NOT mean that she's dead now - why treat her that way?!?!?!? she wants to keep going on! she's not able to stay at home alone in her current condition, that's why she needs to stay at the nursing home (yeah, i'm here living with her, but considering my epilepsy and the fact that we don't know when my next seizure's gonna happen, i can't be reliably counted on to care for her) and it's all just a big headache. she's thanked me and my aunts and cousins for all we've done, but we've told her that we're doing it so that she can focus on herself, making herself comfortable and living the way she wants.

*sigh* dammit, this is hard.

i'm a godmother!!!

today was the baptism of my godson Dominic (as well as his brother Atreyu and sisters Alanis and Alivia) and so it's now official, i'm a fairy godmother! ;-)

yeah, i've joked with everyone about the fairy godmother thing, what with my lesbo status automatically adding the FAIRY to my godmother title, but i do take the responsibilities very seriously. i am going to be there for Dominic, to guide him and teach him the ways of being a good person. and while my faith has waxed and waned over the years, be it religious or agnostic or atheistic, i feel that it doesn't matter what a person's beliefs are, as long as there's a mutual agreement to support and guide my godson in leading a good life, and i'm going to be there for him, no doubt.

dametri was there in spirit as well, i just wish he could've been there in person to join in the festivities.

not gonna say it...

i've determined that i'm NEVER EVER again going to say "sheesh, things can't possibly get worse!" because i'm continually proving that wrong.

it's bad enough my mom's got cancer and 1-3 months left as a prognosis...my cousin joanie was in the ER last night and was diagnosed with a pseudotumor behind her eye - holy crap! the neurologist she saw today thinks it's treatable, but still, the combination of head and tumor is NOT good.

*sigh*

fark's a godsend...

nothing like fark.com to take your mind off real life...it can take you all over some scary corners of the internet...for instance, until this fark thread about mapping sex offenders in your community, i didn't know a thing about Ohio sex offender Brian Peppers - farker Vin Diesel showed me this page featuring photoshops of the guy...and Brian Peppers even has a page on Snopes about him...so of course i hafta check out recent postings to Snopes while i'm there, and read this link about an advice column story of a boy and his searching out "camel toads", which of course ends up sending me to The Camel-Toe Report...

sigh...

momma's still in the hospital, they moved her to the Transitional Care floor this evening...she's not well enough to go home, she needs to get some more physical therapy. her final radiation treatment is tomorrow as well.

we spoke to her oncologist this morning, and i asked that question that everyone wants the answer to but nobody wants to ask: "How long's she got?" 4 to 6 weeks was the initial diagnosis, but then she said 1 to 3 months - FUCK. i knew things were bad, but still....

the cancer that she's got in her brain cannot be treated with chemo, and radiation will only lessen it for a bit - it can't be eliminated. so we go through the course of radiation and hope for the best. chemo for the lung cancer is not going to do anything but wear her down all the more - the bad crap she's going through is from the cancer in her brain, not her lung.

this royally sucks.

Let It Out...

Let It Out's always good for a laugh...since i've been offline, i wasn't able to read the snarky comments from fellow Hoosiers...a few that i just caught up with:

The quicker I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up!

I weigh a lot less in metric.

I hate to admit when I'm wrong, so I don't.

If everybody in the world is weird but you, wouldn't you be the weird one?

another sigh...

no posts for a long time cuz the internet got cut off - paying the bills is a new responsibility i've assumed. problem is the gaping holes in mom's filing system - can't really pay the bills if i don't know they exist, and i don't know what's set up for automatic bill pay or whatever. at least i know the mortgage is paid, the electricty is too, and we've got internet - guess i don't hafta worry about anything else, right? har har har, dare to dream...

momma's in the hospital yet again - had to take her to the ER yesterday because of some abdominal pain, and her complete lack of strength. she's having bowel problems now. i think she needs to stay in the hospital until her radiation treatments are completely done, because as it is we're missing treatments and dragging things out longer and longer. if she can stay in the hospital and get through these last 3 or 4 treatments, perhaps she'll get a bit stronger once they're done so that we can get ready for chemo - and who the hell knows what sort of consequences that stuff will have on her.

sigh...

this whole week's just been a flash...seizures at the beginning of the week had me in the hospital...now momma has taken it upon herself to be the one in the hospital - a urinary tract infection, combined with the radiation she's going through has just completely sapped her strength - we had to call an ambulance yesterday because she couldn't get off the toilet. this royally sucks. i know i can't take care of her the way she needs taken care of, and yet i don't want to say "alrighty, off to the rest home you go" *sigh*

lots of huge life decisions going to be made in the near future - and i fucking hate it.

a guaranteed winner...

think i'm gonna buy 146,107,962 lotto tickets so i'm guaranteed to win the $205 million Powerball jackpot - that leaves me with $58,892,038...of course, with my luck, this would be the week that the jackpot gets split 92 ways....

never a dull moment...

*sigh* monday i took mom to her radiation appointment...after we saw the doc, i went go get the car. waiting outside the St. Francis Cancer Center, i decided there wasn't nearly enough excitement going on and while waiting for mom, i had a seizure. one feature on my mom's car that irks me is that when ya get in the car, it locks you in. thankfully, i wasn't driving the car, i just had it in park, so it was just a matter of security getting a slim jim to break into mom's car. then it was off to the emergency room. fun fun fun.

today i slept the whole day, and still i find myself exhausted. i definitely don't need this shit right now.

a buck twenty two...

i swear, i should be the poster child for Coupon Clippers Anonymous - LoBill (the el cheapo Marsh grocery outlet store) had good prices on Prego spaghetti sauce and Hamburger/Tuna Helpers this week. with my coupons added to the good prices, i made out like a bandit. and it's really cool cuz these are items that are in high demand at the food pantry - i can't give em oodles of cash donations, but i can clip coupons like a mofo and spend a little time to give em goods that are needed just as much as cash.

Purchased:

10 jars of Prego spaghetti sauce
6 boxes Tuna Helper
2 boxes Hamburger Helper
1 2 liter bottle of Orange Soda (Tropicana sent me a coupon for a freebie)

After coupons, i paid:
$5.72

then the register spit out three separate coupons for $1.50 each off my next purchase of anything there at the store, making my net cost a grand total of $1.22. not too bad.

next stop - kroger. *8-)

how are you doing?

"how are you doing?" that's what several friends and family members have asked me today - well, the answer has been "Fine" - fine until you asked. then i want to just completely fall apart. i was a bit on edge because at 3pm Mom was scheduled to meet a lawyer, to do all those legal things, draw up a will, etc...

didn't happen. at mom's regular 2pm radiation treatment the medical staff noticed she wasn't doing too good - her breathing's really labored and she has no strength at all. sent her for a chest x-ray and to the emergency room, not particularly because it was a major emergency but because they'd find out what was going on faster than if they sent her to her pulmonary doc and then he ordered tests, blah blah blah... so, at the er we find out that she's not holding her oxygen very well, they're giving her breathing treatments and gonna keep her overnight. she was having some pain, so they gave her a little bit o morphine - i'm praying it was the morphine that had her in la-la land. she was talking to me, and i asked her to speak up - "Flanner & Buchanan?" she said. now, even if it is just the drugs talking, when Mom babbles about funeral homes, i'm FREAKING OUT.

so i came home to get her meds so that we can tell the hospital precisely what dosages of what she's taking (why she doesn't have a list of hers printed out like i do mine, i dunno) and now i'm waiting for the hospital to call and tell me what room they've put her in so i can go to her.

this is so damned hard.

friday nite!!

this thing's weird....

Guess the Dictator or Television Sit-Com Character - i have yet to stump it, it's guessed all the sitcom characters i've recollected - Kip Wilson, Marge Simpson, Cliff Huxtable, Peter Brady, Mork, Fonz, Balki, Arnold Drummond, and on and on and on...

Northern Sun...

i'm not sure which i find more obnoxious - the plethora of Lance Armstrong bracelet knock-offs or all the of magnetic car ribbons out there nowadays. not sure if the magnets started with the yellow ribbon "support our troops" message, but nowadays there's something for everyone...

got a Northern Sun Merchandising catalog in the mail today, and literally laughed out loud when i saw this magnet:



too bad i can't stick magnets to my made-of-plastic saturn...

StumbleUpon...

StumbleUpon is a cool utility for surfing the web, finding websites you didn't know existed but are spiffy...

apparently someone on fark has similar StumbleUpon prefs to mine, cuz there have been fark discussions about things i've recently seen and/or mentioned - ie the Speech-Bubble Stickers in NYC...

obnoxious...

...yet it still made me laugh. Republican Women vs Democrat Women

speech bubbles...

this looks to be cool project, tho the results probably wouldn't be as spiffy if we tried duplicating this in indianapolis - alas, we don't have as many signs (or creative/funny/mischievious people) in Naptown as they do in NYC...

wandering around...

amazing the stuff you can stumble upon while wandering around the internet...

i found this updated version of American Gothic when i stumbled upon this website while digging up info for freeway blogging projects...

one liners/goofy shit culled from the net...

Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

An old person is like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

How do you circumcise a whale? You send down four skin divers.

What is brown and lives in a bell tower? The lunch bag of Notre Dame.

Why do fire departments have Dalmatians? So they can find the hydrants.

I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

I almost fell in love with a psychic, but she left me before we met.

I am a kleptomaniac, but when it gets really bad I take something for it.

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you may get repossessed.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.

Rehab is for quitters.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Out of my mind - back in five minutes.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

I have the body of a god. Buddha.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

flowers...

it was really nice of all of mom's friends to send these beautiful bouquets and baskets of flowers while she was in the hospital, but it's made me realize something - i fucking HATE carnations. they're pretty enough, but the smell just reminds me of death. perhaps because they're predominant in funeral arrangements? i dunno, but the arrangements that have carnations in them are gonna be gone sooner rather than later.

cool online kaleidoscope...

a neat thing to take a mind off of a crappy life:

http://www.zefrank.com/dtoy_vs_byokal/index.html

topsy-turvy...

i tell you, things seem soooo different nowadays...i guess it's like being Alice in Wonderland, i'm looking through the Looking Glass and everything is just soooooo - i don't even have the words for it.

one thing i've noticed is how completely ABSURD things seem.

i'm noticing lots of ironic things as well...case in point: i'm a non-smoker, smoked only socially in college, might every once in a while have a clove cigarette. when kris and i were together and she worked at bars that tobacco reps visited (primarily the Slippery Noodle) and we'd fill out a card and get some little prize - i've gotten cigarette coupons in the mail for YEARS although i don't smoke. friends i've had that smoke tons never get coupons and i get stuff in the mail all the time. so now i've got a mom with lung cancer, most likely from her smoking. yesterday's mail brought a package addressed to me from Marlboro - "On your big night nothing beats LIVING IT UP with a full house" says the outside of the box - inside there's a note that says "Here's to a year full of action - Happy birthday from Marlboro" and a deck of playing cards included.

it's gonna be a less full house these days, with me taking mom to radiation treatments for the next month.

as for the "year full of action" - that seems a bit fucked up, because the small amount of research i've done on mom's cancer says that she's got a year or two to live. yeah, guess we'll be making the most of that year, since that might be all she's got.

so, they have to put the surgeon general's warning on the box, even tho there are no cigarettes in the package: "Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health." Mom quit smoking about eight years ago.

i know it's just chance that this stuff would come in the mail the week of my mother's lung cancer diagnosis, but sheesh...

*sigh*

so i just brought mom home from the hospital - the story is that she's got lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. 3 tumors in her brain, 1 in her lung, and we're waiting on results from the bone scan to tell if it's anywhere else.

if there's anyone out there reading, please say a prayer (be it to god, the flying spaghetti monster, whoever your higher power may be) for my momma - she's a damned good woman.

reading stuff on the net has its good and bad qualities - i always think it's good to be well-informed, but then again, do i really want to read "Prognosis typically is poor...Patients with the best prognostic indicators often die within 18-24 months."?

there just aren't words for what i'm feeling right now.

shattered

just got home from taking mom to the emergency room this evening - we found out why she's been feeling so awful these past few weeks...cancer. after numerous blood tests, an ekg, more blood tests and more tests came back with nothing, the doc ordered a cat scan. the cat scan's showed multiple lesions on her brain. "is it cancer?" i asked the doc? because i have lesions on my brain that cause my epilepsy, but they're not cancerous, they just scramble my brain with seizures. yes, he told me, the probably were cancerous, but were not brain tumors, they probably have come about from cancer elsewhere in her body - possibly her lungs, of which the x-ray came back abnormal.

i just can't fucking believe it. thankfully, mom was a bit drugged up when the doc made the announcement, so she didn't go off the deep end like i did. and i so did not want to freak out - this isn't the end of the world, we still have a lot more learning to do, but it's just sooooo....there aren't words for it.

so many kinds of wrong...

so you know i love it - check out JesusDressUp!

The George W Bush Speechwriter

maybe if Dubya used this site himself, he wouldn't have to spend so much time removing his foot from his mouth...The George W Bush Speechwriter

head yer ass on down to Fountain Square tonite!!

K-A-T-R-I-N-A, Laura, it's Hurricane Katrina

apparently Laura Bush thinks it's Hurricane Corrina's aftermath that we're dealing with now - this link goes to video of her mispronunciating it...

i'm going to have to FORCE myself to stop thinking "things can't get any more surreal" as far as this shit goes, cuz as soon as that thought enters my head, shit gets more surreal...

attention Pastafarians!

It's time to play the Flying Spaghetti Monster game

Hurricaine Katrina benefit in Indy on Friday nite...

THIS FRIDAY September 9th - Synthesis Entertainment Benefit For Hurricaine Katrina Victims @ Radio Radio - 1119 E. Prospect Street (Fountain Square)

Synthesis Entertainment and Evolving Records DJs Adam Jay, TFA, Seth Nichols, John Mack, Dave Owen, and Johnny Utah will mix tunes as attendees raise funds. Numerous prizes and gift certificates, donated to the event by local companies, will be given away in a drawing. For every $5 donation, attendees will have their name added to the drawing for the prizes that are donated. Starts at 9 p.m.

Matching funds: KB Homes will match, dollar for dollar, all the money raised.

info here

oh yeah, and my brother takes the stage at midnight - another reason i'm required to attend. *8-)

Katrina and other bitches...

har har har, that was entirely too easy a joke to make...somebody slap me.

anyhoo, the Bassett Waddle that i posted about to hit people up for funds on August 6 has decided to work even harder to collect funds, to help make sure that their sister organization down in Louisiana has money to help doggies affected by the hurricane, so just a reminder to PLEASE send your spare change to my niece's favorite charity!

click here for donation info

oh crap...

codi, my sister-out-law (kinda like a sister-in-law, 'cept she and my brother aren't married) has put me in her blog under the "blogs i like" category - eeeek, what kind of scary freaky weirdos will she have perusing my musings?!?!?

tho i must say, i don't think any people reading her blog could be scarier or freakier than her...

;-)

missed Lori Beth's birthday!

going thru some old boxes, i found a journal from 1995. i forgot about an important anniversary - it was june 12, 1995 that i went to court and had my name legally changed - goodbye lori southerland, hello lori beth! yeah, on occasion it's been a pain in the ass - people ask my last name, i reply "beth" and they say "no, your LAST name"...otherwise, no regrets whatsoever. it was very empowering, particularly because i went to the library, researched the information and drafted the papers myself - no lawyer necessary.

Donate to Katrina relief via Fark.com

cute username...

from The Huffington Post:

Club Seals, Not Sandwiches

depression sucks...

had an appointment with the endocrinologist today - had to face up to her and show her that i didn't lose much on the Weight Watchers program that she financed for me. seems as though it doesn't matter one way or another - losing weight is VERY difficult for me. she gave me a referral to call St. Francis Hospital's weight loss services - maybe they'll have the magic recipe.

it's just sooooo fucking frustrating - all the IF ONLY's are swirling around in my brain - IF ONLY i woulda had this brain surgery a couple of years ago when the doc first suggested it instead of wussing out and going for the VNS surgery. IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY...

$1723.36

One thousand seven hundred twenty three dollars and thirty six cents. That's the sum total of all the prescriptions i filled at the pharmacy over the weekend - 11 of those had my $3.00 copay, 3 others had no copay.

sheesh.

cute little saying...

when i was at Out Word Bound on Friday before games night, i saw a cute little notebook...on the cover, it read:

Sex is the new Love

heh heh heh...

Roger Ebert gives us a Thumbs Up...

sheesh, here i just dogged Ebert for his review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and now he compliments some people in Naptown. from last Sunday's "Answer Man" column:

Q. Re "Deuce Bigalow": You guys always seem puzzled how stuff like that gets made. Ya' know, there's a huge audience for this crap in America. That's why it keeps getting made. And yes, I'll admit that even these crap movies can have their funny moments. I live in Indianapolis and I know there's a bunch of Deuce Bigalow fans in this town. They're beer-guzzlin', dope-smokin', truck-drivin', pit-bull-ownin', head-shavin', ball-cap-wearin', crime-committin', jackass psychopaths whose parents (if there were any) didn't want to bother with the job of teaching and controlling them. Garbage in, garbage out, so the parents are probably just like their offspring. The United States is rife with them. It's ugly and it's increasingly one of the causes for the ruination of a once civilized, safe nation.
Tom McCullough, Indianapolis

A. Indianapolis also harbors many heroic, civilized and cultured citizens, as befits the home office of Steak n Shake.

in the midst of an interesting weekend...

after a near nervous breakdown on thursday (inflicted by "mental health care professionals", no less) i hit the pause button on that crap and decided to get out and do some things.

first off, i had kat re-color my hair - instead of adding purple to some of the blonde highlights that were already there, it's all purple. a deep and intense purple - i really like it.

friday night was girls games night - 'cept steph, stephanie and i were the only girls that showed up. was still fun, we played a game called Zobmondo - it's a game full of would you rather-type questions...examples from the website:

Would you rather drink a glass of your own day-old spit or your own sweat?

Would you rather have to suck snakebite poison out of your dad’s hairy armpit or out of your mom’s belly button?

now, they're not all nasty like that, but they do make ya think, that's for sure...

friday night was also Fark party night - we all met up at the Old Point Tavern...i did better than at the previous Fark party that i attended at Maggiano's a couple of years ago - i actually talked to quite a few people and remembered their names afterwards! then saturday i attended a cookout that the organizer of Friday's party invited me to, where i met Drew Curtis, Fark's creator. it was very interesting to meet some of the people behind the scenes of fark.

not sure what's goin on for sunday, have a few options for plans, i just hafta decide what i wanna do...for now, sleep is on the agenda...

Which Famous Homosexual Are You?

Which Famous Homosexual Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

the philosophies of fellow Hoosiers...

so, the Indianapolis Star has a column called "Let It Out" that allows readers to call/fax/email "a comment about life, love, politics, whatever?" - some are really deep, some are really whiny, some are funny...i wonder if people from other states have columns like this in their newspapers and what they say...and what they would say about us Hoosiers if they read comments like:

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends on the carpeting!

Walkin' the streets with Soldiers & Sailors...

kat said it was girls' nite out, so we went walkin around downtown - i came up with the fancier title: Walkin' the streets with Soldiers & Sailors...

in the past, we've made several walks around the canal...that gets a bit old, so we decided to change it around a bit. we ended up checking out the war memorial and university park, and soldiers & sailors monument it was very nice, i just wish it hadn't been so humid - tho i didn't feel excessively uncomfortable (the Indianapolis Star thermometer read 85 degrees at 8:30) i was sweating buckets - by the time our walk was over, it looked as if i'd dunked my head in one of the fountains at the park, and not just my feet (ahhhh, so refreshing!)

during the walk, it was very obvious that Gen Con is in town - gamers all over!!!

we'll definitely hafta go back downtown during daytime - i have a bad feeling about the pix she took, i think it was too dark for them to turn out halfway decent. we'll see...

website i've stumbled upon - celebatheists.com

celebatheists.com seems to be a wikipedia section dedicated to pointing out athiests, agnostics and such...you definitely have to take a look at the comments attributed to people to determine just how accurate the description is.

for instance, Kathy Griffin's listed as an atheist because of her quote “I’m sick to death of Jesus. I feel that Jesus and Paris Hilton are both overexposed. I’ve seen enough of both of them. And I think I’m getting more atheist because of the way the country is getting more into Bible-thumping.” - Actress Kathy Griffin (“Suddenly Susan”) to Sacramento’s gay Outword Magazine, Dec. 23 [2004].

now call me crazy, but i think this comedian was making a joke - more a joke about the crap that Dubya lovers have inflicted on this country rather than real, authentic Christianity (not to mention that whole overexposed aspect)

nonetheless, it's interesting to read the quotes...

brain surgery...

the brain surgery's still on hold for me until i lose enough weight for the neurosurgeon's liking (prolly about 25 lbs)...meanwhile, a co-worker of mom's has a nephew in california that had a very similar surgery, and there was an article in their paper that she sent the link to (gonna go ahead and copy/paste in case their links don't last too long)...

Surgery helps Alameda teenager eliminate epilepsy, medication
14-year-old enjoying normal life after recovery
By Kristin Bender, STAFF WRITER

ALAMEDA — Daniel Burlingame is a far different kid today than he was two years ago.
His eyes are brighter, and he's more animated. He isn't groggy or bloated from his epilepsy medications.

And he no longer takes handfuls of seizure medication or struggles with pounding headaches that left him drained.

Daniel can now swim and bike and do normal teen things without the fear of a seizure.

His grades have jumped up dramatically, and he even got a volunteer summer job at an Alameda preschool.

There, no one even noticed the scar on his head, where doctors sewed 21 stitches. It's barely visible.

It has been nearly two years since Daniel, now 14, had part of his brain removed in a last-ditch effort to stop the epileptic seizures that had plagued him nearly all his life. He hasn't had a seizure since the surgery and has been off his medications for a year now.

"This is how well Daniel should have done. There is a very high success rate for this surgery," said American pediatric neurosurgeon Dr. Benjamin Warf, a family friend of Daniel's parents, Bob and Esther Burlingame, who recommended the surgery three years ago.

Warf moved from the United States to Africa five years ago toperform neurosurgery on the poorest of the poor children at CURE Children's Hospital of Uganda. But when he met Daniel and his family while on a holiday in the states in 2002, Warf quickly recommended the surgery.

"What is essentially removed during this surgery is bad brain. Even when a seizure is not going on actively, there is disorganized electrical activity that can interfere with learning and thinking," said Warf, a Harvard graduate.

The Burlingames had inquired about surgery before meeting Warf, but doctors at Children's Hospital Oakland said it wasn't an option because Daniel hadn't tried some available medications, Esther Burlingame said. Kaiser wasn't recommending surgery either, she said.

"Even neurologists tend to under-refer for that procedure," said Warf, who was in Alameda last week visiting his in-laws and saw Daniel for the first time since he had the surgery and has been seizure-free.

"He looks good. He's grown, his face has thinned out," said Warf, who also performs the brain surgery on children at his hospital in Uganda.

With the surgery, doctors claim there is a 60 to 75 percent success rate for curing epilepsy and a nearly 90 percent success rate of drastically reducing it. Daniel had the surgery at Lucile Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford University, and doctors there have given him the OK to only return annually for checkups, Esther Burlingame said.

That's all fine with Daniel. He'd still rather play with his dog, Jason, or ride his bike than talk about epilepsy or medications or doctor stuff.

He's better, but he's still a kid of few words on the subject.

But when asked what the best part of his life is now, he doesn't hesitate.

"Being off the medications," Daniel said.

Daniel had his first seizure in 1992 when he was 10 months old, following a fever that quickly rose to 106 degrees. That seizure lasted 45 minutes, but he didn't have a second one for five years. At that point, doctors determined he had epilepsy, which 30,000 children are diagnosed with each year.

In 1998, he had a seizure on his school playground that was so bad Daniel didn't know his own name or where he was after the episode.

More seizures followed.

So did more medications.

Different medications.

Different combinations of medications.

When Daniel went under the knife in September 2003, his parents didn't know what to expect.

They were told Daniel might have problems with speech, movement and memory because those functions are controlled by the part of the brain that was removed — the hippocampus.

Doctors warned that he might have problems recalling shapes or remembering directions.

Surgeons were removing the anterior temporal tip, a part of the brain about the size of a matchbox and the right hippocampus, about the size of a thimble, and the scarred portion that had been causing Daniel's seizures.

The five-hour surgery went well and Daniel emerged groggy and somewhat disoriented, but healthy and strong. He stayed on the medications for a year just to be safe, but was seizure-free during that trial period.

His health, general well-being and school work steadily improved.

"He was below grade level before (on standardized tests)," said Esther Burlingame. "Since the surgery, he's caught up three grade levels on the tests."

Daniel has a twin brother, Matthew, who has never suffered from epilepsy or seizures.

Having the twins on an "even playing field" is helping Daniel make progress — physically and emotionally, his parents said.

"It's still going to take some time to even out completely, but I can see him making that gain," said Esther Burlingame.

His parents said the biggest blessing is that Daniel, like Matthew, now has a chance at normal life. He will be able to get a driver's license in a couple years, study in the field of his choice and enjoy sports and leisure activities without worrying about having a seizure. "He won't have any restrictions put on his life," said his father Bob Burlingame, 45.

These days, Daniel is spending three mornings a week with a group of 10 4-year-olds at an Alameda city parks and recreation pre-school class.

"He's been a pleasure to have in class. The kids love him," said pre-school teacher Gloria Garcia, who said she didn't know Daniel had previously suffered from epilepsy or about the surgery until he told her a day before a reporter and photographer visited him in the classroom.

"We had no idea," she said. Garcia said she is just happy to have Daniel to help out with play time, recess and crafts. He brings toys from home — bristle blocks and books — and sits on the floor with the group teaching and talking.

It is with children, at the pre-school, at his church and in his neighborhood, that he seems to be the most at home. "He's a sweet kid," Garcia said.


-30-


so, there are a lot of things in common with my situation, and there are a lot of differences, as well. i don't think the hippocampus will be involved in my surgery, it's just my temporal lobe that's problematic. (as an aside, i must say, i've always found hippocampus to be a rather amusing word - it gives me a visual of the place that a hippopotamus would go to get an education)

i really wish i would've taken the neurologist's advice a couple of years ago and had this surgery then, but the whole idea of BRAIN SURGERY freaked me out and i pushed for the Vagus Nerve Stimulator surgery as a compromise. *sigh* oh well, can't change the past, i just have to get the weight lost and get this surgery done so i can get back to maybe being a productive human being...