depression sucks...

had an appointment with the endocrinologist today - had to face up to her and show her that i didn't lose much on the Weight Watchers program that she financed for me. seems as though it doesn't matter one way or another - losing weight is VERY difficult for me. she gave me a referral to call St. Francis Hospital's weight loss services - maybe they'll have the magic recipe.

it's just sooooo fucking frustrating - all the IF ONLY's are swirling around in my brain - IF ONLY i woulda had this brain surgery a couple of years ago when the doc first suggested it instead of wussing out and going for the VNS surgery. IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY IF ONLY...