Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
An old person is like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
How do you circumcise a whale? You send down four skin divers.
What is brown and lives in a bell tower? The lunch bag of Notre Dame.
Why do fire departments have Dalmatians? So they can find the hydrants.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I almost fell in love with a psychic, but she left me before we met.
I am a kleptomaniac, but when it gets really bad I take something for it.
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you may get repossessed.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
Rehab is for quitters.
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
I have the body of a god. Buddha.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment