From the Total Fucking Surprise Department: Jenna & Heidi Are Gonna Strip for Playboy - now if they REALLY wanted to do something different, get Christy to pose - hell, I'd buy a subscription to see that!!!

funny or scary? not sure which wins out here: Inimitably Profound Presidential Quotations on whitehouse.org

i really threw codi for a loop just now:

LBthePDD: will you tell pooky to gimme a call? i need to talk to him about when/if we're gonna get together for little bro matt's birthday (today)

bitch eras3r: done :-)

LBthePDD: donkey shoes!

bitch eras3r: donkey shoes?

LBthePDD: yeah, ain't that german for thank you or something like that?

bitch eras3r: danke schoen

bitch eras3r: :P

LBthePDD: :-D

bitch eras3r: dork

LBthePDD: hey, you're the german student, not me.

bitch eras3r: so!?

LBthePDD: *rofl*

bitch eras3r: :P

LBthePDD: wow, do a google search for "donkey shoes" and a link to nordstrom comes up....

bitch eras3r: oh god

bitch eras3r: NOOOO

LBthePDD: damn, nothing on ebay tho - "0 (Estimated) items found for donkey shoes"

bitch eras3r: awe

still working on getting back to "normal"...made it to work today - not quite normal though, i showed up early because my sleep schedule's been so farked up this past week that i figured i'd better get in here and do some work while i was still awake...

i thought this cortisone shot was gonna alleviate some of the pain in my wrists - i think right now it hurts more than it did before. allergic reaction, perhaps? feels swollen and achy...

got a big o' needle full o' cortisone stuck into my wrist today, in hopes of alleviating some of the carpal tunnel symptoms - it feels weird, my whole hand's numb, and it feels like it's swollen, tho i don't think it is...i'd still prefer this sensation to some of the carpal tunnel pains...let's hope this just means no surgery!

i'm slowly getting back to "normal" - well, normal by lori standards...still not feeling quite right, but getting better as time goes by...man those seizures fucked me up.

i tell ya, it's times like this when ya find out who your friends are - lemme just take a minute to thank everyone that's peeked in on me and sent me good thoughts...i got flowers and a card yesterday from a woman that works with my mother, for pete's sake! people can be really nice...

Happy Birthday Angelina Jolie!

Well well well, she's got a blog for her USA for UNHCR ambassadorship...

A woman brought a very limp parrot into the veterinarian.

As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away".

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something?"

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador.

As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his
head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out but returned a few moments later with a cat!

The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry; but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100% certifiably, dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.

The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but.........what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."

why is it all the books i put on hold come in all at once at the library?

right now, i have:

You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant : 101 real dumb laws - Koon, Jeff

Culture jamming : the uncooling of America - Kalle Lasn

Stupid white men-- and other sorry excuses for the state of the nation! - Michael Moore

What liberal media? : the truth about bias and the news - Eric Alterman

Refrigerator rights : creating connections and restoring relationships - Dr. Will Miller

101 survival secrets : how to make $1,000,000, lose 100 pounds, and just plain live happily - Rich Hatch

Second acts : creating the life you really want, building the career you truly desire - Stephen M. Pollan

The truth is-- : my life in love and music - Melissa Etheridge

The wisdom of the enneagram : the complete guide to psychological and spiritual growth for the nine personality types - Don Richard Riso

Your own worst enemy : breaking the habit of adult underachievement - Kenneth W. Christian

got the first 4.5 of them read - meanwhile, more are coming in at the library! waiting to be picked up are:

Photoshop 7 : killer tips - Scott Kelby

A collaboration with nature. - Andy Goldsworthy

at least i've got plenty of reading material to keep my mind busy....

it's pretty bad when you're terrified to go to sleep because you don't know if you'll wake up in the same place that you fell asleep in, or if you'll wake up at all.

do i just shut up and take a sleeping pill and hope it kicks in? i've probably actually gotten enough sleep lately - literally all day and all night saturday, and most of sunday as well. i just can't seem to turn my head off to go to sleep, but i don't know if not sleeping will make things even worse...

my my my, what a weekend! alas, it went NOTHING like i'd planned...

saturday was jam packed - fever game, go to a party & then go see adam's gig at fusion....alas, none of it happened because i spent all day saturday and most of sunday in the hospital because of seizures - i had FOUR on saturday. this is unheard of - i'll usually just have one. mom used the magnet on me, but obviously there's something else going on here. i'm gonna hafta give a few people a more intense lesson, apparently - mom said it's really hard to use while i'm convulsing.

it's really strange to wake up and not have a clue where you are or how you got there. apparently they loaded me up with valium in the er when i started my 4th seizure on saturday, and they they had me stay the night. i hate putting mom through this - especially after seeing brenda's (i think that's her name) seizure at the softball field last month - that really put things into perspective for me. i generally just have to deal with a bitch of a headache when i come out of a seizure - meanwhile mom's freaking out. i hate putting her through this.

i think it goes without saying: epilepsy sucks.

for the record, Office Max's CD inkjet sleeves SUCK ASS (and not in a good way)...trying to assemble a unique b-day present and this stuff sucks! figured a cardboard sleeve would be better then sending more plastic crap out into the world - alas, the office max dumbasses don't bother to provide a template, or even measurements, so i had to just eyeball it since avery doesn't seem to have a similar product...i was pretty close, but not as close as i wanted to be...grrrrr...

perhaps it's time for some sleep...

hrmmmm....we'll hafta see about this one:

The Bravo cable network is going where no television dating show has gone before: matchmaking gay men.

"Boy Meets Boy," a six-episode series that will premiere in July, also twists reality show conventions by secretly including straight men among the pool of dating prospects.

...

It appears "Boy Meets Boy" will handle it in a lighthearted, non-exploitive way, he said.

...

Already, the Traditional Values Coalition plans to alert its 43,000 member churches to protest the series, said Andrea Lafferty, the Washington-based group's executive director.

"Clearly, they've hit a new low," Lafferty said. "What's next after `Boy Meets Boy'? `Boy Meets Sheep'?"

hrmmm, well the fact that the TVC is protesting it means i'll definitely watch it, and encourage everyone else to do so, and to email Bravo that they like the fact that they broadcast programming for everyone, queers included.

UPDATE: interesting comments in the Fark discussion of this thang - now i'm not sure what i think of it...is it good to add straight guys in the mix of potentials, or are we setting things up for another Jenny Jones episode? probably not that severe, but i wouldn't put it past a major 'phobe to act like a queer-supportive straight guy to get in there and cause some trouble...*shrug*...yay to Bravo for including queers, but do we really wanna be included in ALL the things straights are, including trashy "reality" tv??

i suppose a strange mix of things has combined to flip my lid...

Recipe:
A reading of Culture Jam: How to Reverse America's Suicidal Consumer Binge-And Why We Must by Kalle Lasn...
A visit to the Culture-Jammer's Encyclopedia at sniggle.net, particularly the Creative Use Of Anagrams in the Vandalism section...
A visit to the pranks page at cockeyed.com...
A visit to the Busy Marquee...
A general desire to do something totally crazy (silly-crazy, not psychotic-crazy)

So ya take all those ingredients (and then some!) and the result is THIS...

so i guess it's all heterosexual married or single men on IPD, right? cuz the website for spouses of IPD officers is www.ipdwives.com - not ipdspouses or something like that, and we know them damned gay people can't do the marriage thing do have a husband or wife...

it appears the last thing on the page is an out and out lie, so i don't know how much else we can believe...

"You are visitor number
001720
since March 9, 2003.

And this counter only counts each computer ONCE no matter how many times you come back!"

wrong - every time i reloaded the page the number went up by one, and i doubt the site's getting flooded by hits at 3:30am...

yikes - scary pics! i guess we don't appreciate nearly enough just how much our hands do for us...

note to self, get info on Dupuytren's Disease for debbie

nice memorial day - been out in the back yard, getting the patio all ready for summer festivities...i wish it would warm up though! too cold to get into the pool - well, the ambient temp is okay, but it hasn't gotten hot enough to warm up the water - i think it's about 50 degrees in there - i suppose we could have a Polar Bear club meeting...

alas, there's lots of cleanup that needs to happen INSIDE as well, but i think it'll all be good for me to host the july women's pitch-in...why oh why do i have to be such a clutterbug?!?!?

incredible movie. Andy Goldsworthy's art and discussion of it makes me wanna dig out the ol' art supplies and get to creating...

woulda been even nicer if i hadn't been stood up, but oh well...

there are a lot of VERY interesting movies coming to Key Cinemas...i might look into coordinating a mutual friends movie night for the next few weeks or so - we'll see...

on my way to go see Rivers & Tides at Key Cinemas - hope the whole movie is as mesmerizing as the preview for it was...

I love Let It Out - granted, most of the comments people send in to the Indy Star to be printed in the paper are stupid, but every once in a while there's a funny one in there...

The difference between a cubicle and a prison cell is that the cell is bigger and it has a bed!

yo - if you're a co-worker of mine reading this entry, don't read it - or don't tell the evil powers that be about it, at the very least. ;-)

re: the sexual harassment i might inflict upon my co-workers for the month of june...

first, a little background info - last year, we had these big meetings about how to make our workplace more productive, blah blah blah - one thing that came out of it was that we were encouraged to make things less sterile - we could personalize our cubicles, etc...

so, they've decided to sub-lease half of our building, and of course my department's in the half that gets moved to the other side of the building...last week the move took place - at the end of our shifts wednesday, we boxed up all our personal effects and moved them to the other side of the building.

one thing i've had on my overhead box in my cubicle is a calendar - a Queer As Folk calendar - i wanted a month at a glance type calendar and hey, QAF is a favorite show, so there ya go...

this week the boss tells me she needs to talk to me - she knows i'm gonna be pissed, she's pissed about it too...she shows me an email from Human Resources (er, shouldn't it just be Human Resource, since there's only one in the department? of course, i'm beginning to doubt her on both counts - not very much of a resource, and i'm beginning to wonder if she's human - but i digress) - seems HR "person" was roaming our new workspace and saw my calendar. she decided to flip through it - June's photo is a pic from Episode 4 of Season 2 of Queer As Folk - in the episode, Ted & Emmett get Michael to go to the Pride Parade in drag. here's the pic:



Michael was determined not to go to the Parade, but Ted & Emmett put the dress on top of him and were talking about how a few alterations and it'd be all his!

However, HR "person" saw this pic and determined that all these fags were doing something dirty and sexual - playing with michael's penis, perhaps? - therefore, my displaying this pic will be in violation of our company's sexual harassment policy.

So, now what do i do - i'm tempted to put a couple strips of duct-tape on pertinent portions and write a smart-ass comment on them (me? smart-ass? i know, hard to imagine, but i'll try!)...but i certainly wouldn't wanna do something to get myself fired...*ponder*

it's funny, i think my boss is more pissed about it than me - i just think it's STUPID and SILLY...whatever...

beware Flipwit! - it's addictive!

Quote O De Day, courtesy of Indiana Jones himself:

Is there a practical use for a whip?
Depends on your girlfriend.

amusing quote, till ya realize his gf's Calista Flockhart - eewwwwww! oh well, everyone's got their own preferences, i guess...

well, i've got little more than week to decide just what in the hell i'm going to do about sexually harassing my co-workers...if i do it, it will be for the entire month of june...details (and pix) later...

Ya know, it's cool that MSNBC is doing a story on the VNS and all, but they coulda come up with a better headline, I think - "Shock therapy makes a comeback" - excuse me?!? well, maybe they were intentionally going for the (no pun intended - yeah, right) "shock effect" of a headline like that...but the Vagus Nerve Stimulator i have implanted in my neck is NOT anything like shock therapy of the old days...

woo hoo! Duck Hunt, now online! sheesh, was it really almost 20 years ago that this was out on the original nintendo NES?!?

the star had a story about a new get together - the "Quiet Party." - hmmm....wonder if organizing one of these for Mutual Friends would gather any interest...

every once in a while, an asshole on fark will post a completely inappropriate picture...people are talking about spyware, bringing up some good advice, and then we see THIS picture....woah.

so, are your immunizations up to date? i'm not sure about all mine - with all the new docs i've been seeing lately, they ask me about them and i'm not sure...had flu and pneumonia shots last fall, but when was my last tetanus? haven't a clue...

alrighty now Steph, don't be doggin' the Practice - Camryn Manheim's on the Crackers List - she can eat crackers in my bed anytime she wants! and i guess i'd let Dylan McDermott watch - he's not too bad lookin', for a GUY... ;-)

anywhoo, i don't generally get to watch the first run episodes (used to be on sundays, now they're on monday nights) - however, channel 6 shows reruns of previous seasons' episodes at midnight sunday (saturday night too, actually) - so there's actually something halfway decent on tv when i get home sunday night after work (my shift's supposed to be 4 to midnight, but i usually get home around 11ish)...yeah, i know the sopranos and six feet under are on sunday nights, but i'm slaving away at work when that stuff's on...thank god for dvd's, eh?

good to know that whole amber alert thing worked out, but they definitely need to be a bit more organized the next time they wanna use it...

so i'm writing out the check at the doc's office today and notice that the pen's for Diastat - it's a form of diazepam - hmmm, isn't that valium? yup, it is. the interesting thing is the form of diazepam - diastat is diazepam rectal gel - eeek! ass valium! the diastat web page is interesting - want to stop seizures without going to the emergency room? it says - oh, so ya need one of your homies to give ya your dose of ass valium...

so, i'm watching the sunday night repeat of The Practice on channel 6 and the tv goes freaky - buzzing and making weird noises...then at the top of the screen there's an announcement about a Civil Alert for all of Indiana from 12:00 till 5:00am - what the hell? A little while later, there's a box in the corner that says it's an Amber Alert - go to the Indy Star website - nothing...go to the Channel 6 website - nothing...you'd think the damned channel that announces something like this would have the info on their website!!!

so i track down the Amber Alert page -

apparently there's something happening in Gary, Indiana...

if this is how the system's supposed to work, it ain't gonna work. by the time people figure out what the hell it is that's going on, a kidnapper's gonna be long gone or well hidden...

wonder if the newly installed signs on the highways were used for this....

Gaye Males in real estate? whodathunkit?

ya know, i'm amazed at the number of people i've talked to lately that don't know anything about the Hyperfix project that will completely close down the downtown portions of I-65 and 70 from May to August - the Hyperfix website's here and a FAQ is here and info about the Park & Ride service is here...

stuck at home alone on a saturday night, idly wasting the hours at the computer? well, check out some Furniture Porn...

Japan -
Viewed as the technological powerhouse of the 21st
Century, it has lived a reletively solemn and
singular history.


Positives:

Technologically Advanced.

Economic Superpower.

Healthy Populace.


Negatives:

Small.

Isolated and Sometimes Ignored.

Unlucky with Disasters.



Which Country of the World are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

not sure who Kelley Kramer is, but she or he has provided Dubya with a resume - pretty scary...

George W. Bush's Resume
By: Kelley Kramer - 04/25/03

I recently had an email exchange with a right-winger from my local newspaper, and of course the war with Iraq came up pretty quick. But he said something in defense of George Bush that really surprised me. In defense of the attack on Iraq he said 'between Hussein and Bush, Hussein is the bad guy'.

My first response was ... So your guy is better than a third world dictator, Wow! what an accomplishment! Does he put that on his resume?

And with that in mind, I started wondering ... what would a George W. Bush resume look like exactly? Listed below is what I came up with.

George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:

Ran for congress and lost.
Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as president:

Attacked and took over two countries.
Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.
Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.
Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).
First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References:

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
Refused to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.
For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

this is more than just your typical online personality test - the enneagram is a scientifically validated test...


free enneagram test

i've been reading a book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types, and am amazed and how right-on this stuff appears to be...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

i love it - the text-only version of Where's Waldo!

damn, why do all the cute ones hafta be hetereosexual, married, or both?

aha! so this explains it all...

Yes, it's time for another Mercury Retrograde! This one, which occurs in Taurus, is a bit longer than usual -- 25 days instead of the usual 21-22 days. During this Mercury Retrograde period, which lasts until May 20, we're cautioned to plan ahead even for simple travel, to watch our words carefully, to listen closely to what others say and to pay careful attention to subtleties like body language and gesture. Without this caution and attention, we're bound to get tied up -- both in traffic and with our tongues. Still, slowing down and really paying attention is hardly a bad thing; we all can benefit from a less frantic pace.

CONGRATULATIONS DONNA & MICAL!

saw Bowling for Columbine this evening. very depressing movie. i know not to take everything Michael Moore says at face value, that he tends to exaggerate, but even knowing that and discounting a bit of what he said, it shows a portrait of America that alternates between being sad and disgusting...

met the new family doc (actually, she's an internal medicine doc) today - Dr. Wisler seems nice enough, but i want my old doc back! ugh, insurance sucks ass. anyhoo, she's referring me to Dr. Vidyasagar Tumuluri - a hand surgeon - to see about what to do about this evil carpal tunnel crap.

behold the power of google - never met this guy, but already i know he's Hindu and he's got lots of cash - he's given $50k or more towards a Hindu temple here in Indianapolis...granted, his being a hand surgeon would prolly guarantee the money thing, and the name would give ya a hint that maybe he could possibly be Hindu - still, it's interesting to type in a person's name and see what pops up...

argh - the carpal tunnel's getting worse - wearing the brace and taking the naproxen doesn't seem to provide much relief...guess we'll add this to the list of stuff to talk to the new family doc i'm meeting with on thursday...woo hoo

it's Monochrome Monday!

SODOMY TOUR 2003 - i'll hafta read the whole article when i'm not at work, but just reading the first page reminds me of Michael Moore's "Sodomobile" on The Awful Truth...

hmmmm...Friday is No Pants Day - wonder what the ladies would say if i showed up to the Mutual Friends softball game in my boxers?

heh heh heh, the ones i bought at the outlet mall last weekend would be especially appropriate - Sponge Dog No Pants!!

You Should Wear Boxers! Boxers are a good choice for you. They are always funny, and they keep your genitalia hidden from view. Find out which No Pants Day outfit YOU should wear! No Pants Day is May 2nd, 2003. To find out more about No Pants Day, visit www.NoPantsDay.com

dammit, christy got voted off survivor tonite - argh! i was rooting for her - she's a hottie!

Cool! Penguin Warehouse! I'm gonna get me one and name him Opus!

Jesus H Christ - Talk of brainstorming 'may offend epileptics' - ummm, no it doesn't. ya know what? i'm epileptic and i can brainstorm with the best of 'em! i've NEVER associated the word brainstorm with anything to do with my seizures, and i suspect i'm in the majority there...like the article says, i'd be more irked if someone asked me if the term offended me...

the followup discussion on fark was amusing as well - all the requisite epileptic jokes, of course:

Q: What do you call an epileptic holding a glass of milk?
A: A milkshake.
Q: What do you call an epileptic in your bathtub?
A: A jacuzzi.
Q: What do you call an epileptic in your garden?
A: A seizure salad.
Q: What's the ultimate doom for a leper?
A: An epileptic fit.
Q: What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a blonde with diarrhea?
A: One shucks between fits.
Q: What do you call a stoned epileptic?
A: Shake 'N Bake

since Queer As Folk's been such a hit on Showtime, now they're gonna try it with the lesbos - The L Word (previously titled Earthlings) is set to premiere in January...

Still time to do some Target shopping - it's J Lo & Ben's Wedding Registry!

He wears name tag to make world a better place - i hafta agree with Scott, nametags are a good thing. i bring em to mutual friends events that i coordinate, primarily cuz i'm MUCH more likely to remember your name if i see it written down - just a brain thing, i guess. but i think it also makes ya seem more open to meeting people - always good for the shy gals out there...

useless trivia time: During menstruation, the sensitivity of a woman’s middle finger is reduced.

hrmmm.....

this blog's DNA looks like:



go to http://www.edwinek.com/txtgrfshow.php to find yours or the DNA of other sites you frequent...

Hispanics changing the culture of the city - interesting article. seems particularly relevant to me these days - personally i LIKE diversity, learning about new and different cultures, yet i find the people around me still stick to racist, dumb hick ideas...

a woman at the flower power cookout yesterday made a STUPID comment about "grass" yesterday - she said not to use that word around the mexicans, because they'll assume you're talking about the stuff you smoke, not the stuff you mow. excuse me?!?!? what was even worse, she said this with maggie sitting right across from her. maggie is hispanic. she handled it very well, speaking to whatsherface in espanol and making it pretty obvious that she didn't appreciate her comment. maggie made a good point when we talked about it later - in this town, it's usually the mexicans doing the lawn care. not only was it a rascist stereotype, it was one that had no basis in reality.

and then there's work. apparently there's a large hispanic population in nashville tennessee as well, because we publish a special insert in our version of the trader down there - it's all in spanish. my boss made a comment once about "morally objecting" to working on it, because if they come to our country, they should speak our language. never mind the fact that we all speak english and not native american.

one argument i've heard before is that the u.s. is the Melting Pot - if they're gonna come here, they should assimilate completely with how we live, speaking our language and such. what a crock. i don't think the melting pot means everyone should melt completely - ya lose lots of flavor when that happens.

today was the Mutual Friends Flower Power Cookout - great weather for it too! sunny and 70 degrees - a couple hundred queers invading Eagle Creek Park, having hamburgers and hot dogs and playing tug o' war and just chillin. i wish Indy Pride could be more like this, where it's not all about buying and selling stuff (tho there was a little of that goin on today) and more of a place to take the kids - today's picnic had dozens of kids - and doggies too! some of the stuff ya see at the so-called pride celebrations is definitely not for the kids to see. and i understand there's a time and place for that, i just wish we could have more family oriented stuff out there - in both senses of the word family.

to maximize my hooky-playing from work (okay, it wasn't really hooky, since i had previously arranged to be off work and took paid time off for it) i also went to see Chicago this evening with Maggie - pretty good movie...long in parts, but i liked it MUCH better than Moulin Rouge - still don't understand why everybody liked that one soooo much...

now i can't get Catherine Zeta-Jones outta my head - she keeps singing "and all that jazz" over and over - not the whole "all that jazz" song, just those 4 words...."and all that jazz"..."and all that jazz"..."and all that jazz"..."and all that jazz"...

and queen latifah just needs to come out once and for all and be my love slave - hubba hubba! that woman can eat crackers in my bed any time!

even more collectible than those iraqi playing card decks, here's a deck for the U.S. governing regime...it cracks me up that Shrub is only the four of clubs...

bummer - i lost rob cockerham's ebay auction - coulda had me a Briefcase of Diamonds!!

Man with 5 calves in Toyota Camry jailed - no, the guy doesn't have three extra legs, the man had FIVE BABY COWS in his 1996 TOYOTA CAMRY! i've owned a couple of toyotas in my lifetime, and yeah, you do seem to be able to get LOTS of stuff in em, but 5 COWS?!?!? and why would ya take a toyota camry to a livestock auction with intentions of buying?!?!?

Quote of the day, from prankster Jim Moran, courtesy of The Museum of Hoaxes (the book i'm currently reading):

"It's a sad day for American capitalism when a man can't fly a midget on a kite over Central Park."

ummm, Julie, thanks for sending me the info on Indiana Bicycle to Work Day on May 16, but i don't think i'll be making that 27 mile journey on a bicycle... ;-)

hell, i can't even get a BUS to go from home (southport) to work (fishers) and you expect me to hop on a bike? dangerous not only for me, but dangerous to the general flow of traffic on the Dave Letterman Expressway (aka I-465) from me causing 249-car pileups because people stop to gawk and collapse into hysterics upon seeing the Pillsbury Dough Dyke on a Pillsbury Dough Bike. *8-)

if you're looking for Haywood Jablome's phone number, you'll find it on the Funny Name Server...

joke of the day...courtesy of MY MOTHER!

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

A: The mace!

yup, my mother told me that one...

woo hoo - the irs gave me back 909 of my hard earned dollars today, direct deposited into my checking account...no big plans for it, just pay more bills - woo hoo...

maybe i should go out and have a kid - i hear ya get bigger tax refunds that way...

LEVEL 5 -- TOMBOY


(see 'em all here)

omigod - dionne warwick really is psychic!!

Joke of the day:

Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

A: Because, silly, if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

My Blogger Code is:
B6 d- t- k s u- f i o x e l++ c-

a VNS update - you'll notice i haven't said much about it lately...that's because everything's just fine and dandy with it. i'm noticing the regular pulses even less and less - on occasion, when it catches me off guard, i have to cough, but otherwise i'm fine. i'm also doing well with keeping my magnet with me and away from my credit cards and sensitive stuff *knock on wood* ...everyone tells me they're amazed at how quickly my incisions have healed up...i think my lungs have recovered from the atelectasis, though now i'm fighting off an evil cold and find myself short of breath on occasion...

oh my - adam's gig at club fusion last night was cool...

i got all festive, with the boys doing my hair...the blue hair gel didn't really show up cuz my hair's too dark, so we added in some white, and then more blue and made it spiky spiky spiky! then dale topped it off with some glitter, in addition to the other glitter that greg had applied on my arms and face...greg told me 9348 times that i should do the spiky hair thing all the time, cuz it matches my personality - perhaps if i can find some stuff that doesn't make my head so crunchy...

it was a bit of a family affair - my brother on stage, my cousins marian and josh and their partners there, as well as adam's gf...marian was amazed to see that i was drinking booze - it was funny to see her reaction when she saw me with a drink in hand...we don't typically have lots of booze at the family gatherings and i'm not much of a beer drinker...it's always interesting when you find out someone's perception of you isn't totally accurate...

josh's wife amanda got along with greg - amanda says half her friends are gay, so she wants to go barhopping with us sometime...she's a character, that's for sure...

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz

I'm from Hufflepuff!

Hogwart's Sorting Hat Quiz

made by The Genki Gang

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

Interesting discussion on Fark about an article on Salon about re-code.com - Re-code encourages you to do "an act of tactical shopping" - ya print out new bar codes for different products, so that ya pay less for stuff than it should ring up. hrm, the ol' price switcheroo, updated for today's technology. re-code says the site is "satire" and "We in no way endorse the theft of products or services" - um, okay. but they seem to focus on putting cheaper barcodes on more expensive stuff - that's theft. i think they should go at it with more of a culture jammer's insight - rather than encouraging people to steal (you're only stealing a couple dollars of the stuff instead of all of the stuff) they should focus on just putting undetectable bar codes with just totally crazy stuff on and letting them run through the registers. ie, instead of my going through and getting a $24.99 dvd for $6.99, just put stickers on stuff that should ring up $1.49 with a new price tag that scans at $149.99 and let other people run it through the registers...

My brother, aka Adam Jay, is a busy musician:

This weekend's gig, "HARD" is at Club Fusion

He's also got a regular thang happening at 745 Bar & Grill coming up - Monochrome Mondays

eeek! deboritoe wrote to tell me that this site "cracks my ass sideways" - ouch! i hope you don't expect me to pay for that, deb! i'm not even sure where you'd go for sideways ass-crackage repairs...is that a plastic surgeon type thing, or a proctologist thing? yeowch!

regardless, thanks for the nice compliments. *8-)

gapingvoid.com is a website of "cartoons drawn on the back of business cards" by hugh macleod - cool stuff...

tomorrow's the day most of the rest of the country springs their clocks forward cuz of daylight saving time. perhaps it's just cuz i'm a dumb hick from indiana whose known nothing different, but i don't understand daylight saving time - it doesn't matter what the clock says, there's always the same amount of daylight! and we've turned into a 24 hour society anyways, so does it really matter what the clock reads? why bother setting it forward an hour only to reverse it 6 months later? just doesn't make much sense to me...and the argument that indiana should do it because everyone else does doesn't hold much weight with me either - as moms are wont to say, "if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too..."

my bro is so cool...

I got turned on today!!! and not in that nasty, perverted way that my cow-orkers snickered at - I got the Vagus Nerve Stimulator activated!!! we're starting it out low - he set it to pulse at 25, with the magnet pulsing it at 50 - i need to call in and get the specific numbers, i think i was a bit confused about them...

anyhoo - it's set low enough that it's not affecting my voice (not yet, at least) - the sensation is like someone's got a hand around my throat, and it's throbbing...somewhat uncomfortable, but definitely not painful...and hey, if it prevents or lessens a seizure, it's well worth it! i'm sure i won't even notice it after a while...

the neurologist wants to see me again in a month to see how things are going - meanwhile i'll continue to take the same dosage of dilantin that i've been taking...i think they say to stay on the regular dose for 3 months after activation before tinkering around with lowering the pharmaceuticals - i'm still excited, regardless! here's to no seizures!!

FRED PHELPS IS A COCKSUCKER...and i don't mean that in the good, faggy type way...Mr. Rogers is in hell?!?!? ugh, Phelps just disgusts me...

So yesterday was my followup with Dr. Young (the neurosurgeon)...he checked out my incisions, said everything looked pretty good. he got some forceps and scissors and cut off the little dangly strings coming out of the end of my incisions. he said one of his techs in the OR likes to close up that way, but damn if those little dangly strings didn't bug the hell outta me! i just wanted to pluck them off - not a good idea though! they're gone now!! doc said there was a little abcess but it's fine now. i asked about the fact that the VNS is moving around when i lie down, and how that freaks me out, and he told me there's a stitch in there to hold things in place, and that it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. still a bit freaky to see a bulge where there wasn't one previously. doc says to stay outta the sun until the pinkness fades away because i'll be much more susceptible to getting it sunburned - ouch!!

i go to dr. mohan to get it turned on tomorrow at 10:30 am.

meanwhile, in today's mail...

a letter from St. Vincent's (the hospital where I had the surgery) - they're just writing to let me know that they're billing my HMO and they'll let me know how much I owe after the HMO pays...so I didn't get an itemized bill, but they did have the account balance on the letter:

$22,989.12

WOAH!!!! man, imagine if this had been inpatient!!!

happy april fool's day!

how's about a few more somewhat related links...

The Museum of Hoaxes

Discover.com

Crank Yankers

ya know, i'm alternating between being amused and offended by this Big Dogs shirt...they've definitely gotten racier with their shirts this year...

i'll hafta put this one on my "books to check out at the library" list: The Day My Butt Went Psycho!

"House approves national day of prayer and fasting" - err, whatever happened to that separation of church and state notion?

just had the weirdest strangest coolest spiffiest experience, and so i just have to share....

it's a beyootiful day outside, very springy with a nice breeze...so i'm at the grocery store, wandering around while they fill my Rx, and i see it - a KITE!!!!! it's perfect kite weather!!!

so i got the kite and then proceeded to head over to the first wide open space i can think of - the elementary school near my house - 5 o'clock, all the kids will be long gone...well, i was wrong about that one, there must be an after school program or something...

then it seems strange - what are these people gonna think of a 30 year old butch dyke out by herself flying a kite near some children? will they instantly think "CHILD MOLESTER" and call the cops? of course, if i go over to the supervising adults and say "hey, just so you know, i'm not a child molester" they'll instantly think that i AM. so i just stayed away from the kids. the kids, however, could not stay away from me. or the kite, rather. soon i'm surrounded by 4 kids. so i just let them hang out, but don't ask names or anything that might make it seem like i've got any sort of intentions other than to fly my kite...

one boy 8 or 9 years old (didn't get his name), immediately asks to fly the kite and i tell him we'll take turns...he asks me "are you a boy?" and i tell him no...he asks me "are you a girl?" and i tell him yes...then he says "i'm sorry i called you a boy, it's just hard to tell." and i told him it was okay, i know sometimes it's hard to tell - he was very polite about it, so i didn't get pissed or anything, and i WAS pretty butched up today...so he takes a turn at flying the kite and then his dad shows up and he leaves...

then one of the girls proceeds to tell Kevin (another boy, probably 7 or 8) that what i have is called a kite - he doesn't know what that is, she tells me, because he's from China (mom had a good point when i told her this - "i thought that's where they came from!") so he's never seen one before, and doesn't even know the word for it. so we all take turns flying the kite, or throwing it in the air for someone else to fly.

of course, as soon as we go to actually fly the kite, the wind dies down, or we get short bursts of wind. the kids, however, were way impressed with getting it to fly 10 feet in the air - you'd have thought the thing was 10 miles up in the air!!! their giggles and laughs will beat a prescription for zoloft ANY day!!

in the midst of flying, i get introductions - i've met kevin, and with him are brianna and brittany - brittany even offers a handshake with her introduction!! these kids crack me up! it's brittany's birthday, she's 8 years old today. i think brianna's 9 or 10, but she didn't offer that information. it's obvious the two B girls are best friends.

brianna starts chatting with me, and tells me "i think i'm a tomboy or a tomgirl or whatever you call it - i like everything." ROFL!!! am i wearing something that is telling these kids, "hey, come talk to me about your gender identity issues!!!"??? first, the polite kid that can't tell if i'm a boy or a girl APOLOGIZING for presuming i was a boy, then brianna tells me this stuff, totally unprovoked...

it was really cool, but overshadowed a bit by the fact that i had to stop and consider the fact that people might think i had bad intentions - it's so sad that in this day and age kids have to be fearful of strangers - that everyone has to be fearful of everyone, actually. people really suck sometimes, but hanging with those kids for a while today gives me hope for the future...

they're still investigating the guy set on fire thang - Channel 6 has a more up to date story than the star...i'm thinking it's one of 2 things - an out & out hate crime cuz the guy's middle eastern (from afghanistan, actually) or he's made the story up to garner sympathy - sounds crazy, i know, but there are fucked up people out there that do shit like that...i'm leaning towards the hate crime theory right now tho...

this one from totalfark made me laugh - Cup holders, anyone? Yet another reason to ditch Internet Explorer

uh oh...."Man in critical condition after restaurant fire"...this fire seems awfully suspicious...the Eastern Kitchen Buffet hasn't been open too long, it's in the strip mall on emerson across from the supertarget - did some evil bastard decide a guy named Abdullah Naderi working at the Eastern Kitchen Buffet wasn't american enough and try to torch the place...the star says the story will be updated...i don't have a good feeling about this, seems like a hate crime...

people suck.

surely inspired by Letterman's regular segment, "Dr. Phil's words of wisdom" - now you can go to the Dr. Phil Random Quote Generator! get wonderful inspirations such as: "You don't need to work out to take a big swim in Lake Jackass."

Despot or Sexpot? cute, tho i don't think many ppl would consider Ron Jeremy a "sexpot"

i scored 13 outta 16...

there's a thread currently on fark about this article, linking temporal lobe epilepsy and holy visions...pretty interesting article...

The Propaganda Remix Project is cool...they've also got a shop at cafeshops to sell stuff - check it out!!

my lungs still aren't happy with me - it just slowly builds up, then all of the sudden i'm winded...you can hear it in my voice too - i think i'm talking fine and dandy, yet it comes out as a whisper. keeping up with the Voldyne 5000 and using the inhaler, but i suspect i'll need another trip to the doc next week if things don't start getting a lot better soon...