Friday, September 21, 2001

another interesting lesson to come out of this terrorist mess - Flag Etiquette. it sucks that it's taken something like this to bring up the topic, but at least now it's being discussed. and it appears that things have changed over the years - as a kid i remember hearing it was completely unacceptable to fly the flag at night. apparently, this has changed. "When a patriotic effect is desired, the flag may be displayed twenty-four hours a day if properly illuminated during the hours of darkness." same goes for flying the flag in the rain - with the advent of flags made of nylon and such, it's not such the taboo. "The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is inclement, except when an all weather flag is displayed."

here's one i hadn't heard: "The flag should not be draped over the hood, top, sides, or back of a vehicle or of a railroad train or a boat. When the flag is displayed on a motorcar, the staff shall be fixed firmly to the chassis or clamped to the right fender." So, where does that leave all these people out there with the little flags hanging off the side of their cars?

and the best of all? "The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard." uh oh. at work last week it seemed as though every freakin client we had wanted a flag background in their ad. and we all know Wheels & Deals and The Trader are definitely for temporary use and discard!
just got home from community hospital, where i had my sleep study done...basically, they tape wires to your legs, tape wires to your chest, glue wires to your head, stick tubes in your nose, stick a monitor on your finger, put a belt around your chest and one around your belly, add a few more wires in for good measure, turn on the video camera, then tuck you into bed to act like nothing's out of the ordinary. easy as pie. though i was tired, it seemed to take FOREVER to get to sleep...then i woke up to pee and it seemed to take FOREVER to get back to sleep - i didn't think i was going to go back to sleep, but once i did, WHAM! i was out. susan, the lab tech, has quite an interesting job - let's sit around and watch people sleep all night! it is pretty fascinating though, when she woke me up this morning, she said she could tell i was dreaming - i was in rem...and i just barely remember dreaming - though if it's about work shouldn't it be considered a nightmare? it'll be 1-2 weeks before Dr. Mohan gets results...

Wednesday, September 19, 2001

been reading other blogs from blogger.com - Victor and Dan are interesting...

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

good food for thought from Michael Moore, posted 9/14/01 on alternet.org:

"The man who occupies the White House cried today. Good. Keep crying, Mr. Bush. The more you cry, the less you will go to that dark side in all humans where anger rages to a point where we want to blindly kill. Your dad's and Reagan's old cronies -- Eagleberger, Baker, Schultz -- are all calling for you to bomb first and ask questions later. You must NOT do this. If only because you do not want to stoop to these mass murderers' level. Yes, find out who did it. Yes, see that they NEVER do it again.

But GET A GRIP, man. "Declare war?" War against whom? One guy in the desert whom we can never seem to find? Are our leaders telling us that the most powerful country on earth cannot dispose of one sick evil f---wad of a guy? Because if that is what you are telling us, then we are truly screwed. If you are unable to take out this lone ZZ Top wannabe, what on earth would you do for us if we were attacked by a nation of millions? For chrissakes, call the Israelis and have them do that thing they do when they want to get their man! We pay them enough billions each year, I am SURE they would be happy to accommodate your request.

But I beg you, Mr. Bush, stay with the tears. Go today to comfort the wounded of New York. Tell the mayor, a guy most of us have not liked, that he is doing an incredible job, keeping the spirits of everyone up as high as they can be at this moment. Being there for a city I believe he loves, his own cancer still with him, he goes beyond the call of duty.

But do not declare war and massacre more innocents. After bin Laden's previous act of terror, our last elected president went and bombed what he said was "bin Laden's camp" in Afghanistan -- but instead just killed civilians. Then he bombed a factory in the Sudan, saying it was "making chemical weapons." It turned out to be making aspirin. Innocent people murdered by our Air Force.

Back in May, you gave the Taliban in Afghanistan $48 million dollars of our tax money. No free nation on earth would give them a cent, but you gave them a gift of $48 million because they said they had "banned all drugs."

Because your drug war was more important than the actual war the Taliban had inflicted on its own people, you helped to fund the regime who had given refuge to the very man you now say is responsible for killing my friend on that plane and for killing the friends of families of thousands and thousands of people. How dare you talk about more killing now! Shame! Shame! Shame! Explain your actions in support of the Taliban! Tell us why your father and his partner Mr. Reagan trained Mr. bin Laden in how to be a terrorist!

Am I angry? You bet I am. I am an American citizen, and my leaders have taken my money to fund mass murder. And now my friends have paid the price with their lives.

Keep crying, Mr. Bush. Keep running to Omaha or wherever it is you go while others die, just as you ran during Vietnam while claiming to be "on duty" in the Air National Guard. Nine boys from my high school died in that miserable war. And now you are asking for "unity" so you can start another one? Do not insult me or my country like this!

Yes, I, too, will be in church at noon today, on this national day of mourning. I will pray for you, and us, and the children of New York, and the children of this sad and ugly world. "
an email i sent to clara, replying to her msg...kinda sums up some of the feelings i've been having lately...

hey darling...*big hugs*

>I'm *way* at a loss for words. I didn't actually *see* any of this
>unfold -- I was already at work when I heard it was happening (no tv)

i was asleep when it happened - woke up about 2pm to see it on the tv...then the tv stayed on till it was time to go to work...once at work, we listened to msnbc through our computers...

>we turned on our little weather radio, but no *visual* input -- I don't
>think it's really *registered* on me, on that subterranean level that
>causes me to *feel* something.... Does that make sense?

yeah, it makes sense...

>I haven't
>watched tv much since then, either, it's all been commentary on
>commentary on someone else's commentary....

and everybody's certainly had commentary, haven't they? i've kept my mouth shut, for the most part...

>And I find myself thinking things like: "There are other buildings in
>New York. There are other people in New York. Give 'em a month, and
>everything will be back running smoothly.

i dunno if that's gonna be the case or not...these were some BIG fucking buildings...lots of people are gonna be displaced (well, the ones that aren't dead, at least) and businesses are gonna have to relocate...my fear is that after a month everyone's just gonna go back to the attitude that prevailed before sept 11 - the very shortsighted, "it's all about me" sort of thoughts...especially with the whole air travel thing - yeah, people are okay now with the added wait at the airports and extra tight security going on, but will they continue to see the necessity for it in a few months or years? i'd like to think that this will really change people, but somehow i think we'll just go back to the way it was after things cool down a bit...

>If they *really* wanted to
>damage us, they shoulda gone for the bridges over the Mississippi or
>something. It would take a couple of *years* to replace those
>bridges...."

eh, middle america doesn't count for much...guess that's one benefit to living here, eh?

>And Falwell's comments.... God, let's not even *go* there.

yeah...what a dipshit...amazing to see he's sort of apologized for it, in his own way...he (rightfully) got a lot of bad press about it...

>I also find myself thinking: "This was way too organized. Way too long
>in the planning. There had to be people on the inside, as it were. And
>there has to be a full, functioning *government* behind this, cuz one
>buncha towel-heads couldn't set this up *and* follow through with it...."

i dunno about the government theory...bin laden has at least $300 million of his own money at his disposal, not to mention all the money the us gave him over the years when the soviets were our "enemy" and he was fighting them...the guy's a total wacko...and there's nothing we can do to make peace - he wants nothing but the complete destruction of the united states and anyone that even remotely sympathizes with us...the only thing we can do is blow the fucker away before he does it to us...

>I started to make some kinda comments onlist, then I thought, what's the
>point? A couple of my animal lists have people *leaving* because they've
>gotten so *Christian* about all this.

the christian thing's bugged me a bit too...all the "god bless america" stuff has me a bit uneasy. i can understand the patriotism, but does it all have to be tied into religion?

i've always been an on again/off again believer, agnostic type, but this shit makes me wonder if there really is a god - if there is, how could she/he/it let this happen?!?

>One pagan woman on the rabbit
>list, a member for over 6 years!, has left because someone chewed her ass
>*onlist* about being partially responsible for all this because she
>doesn't believe in God!

sheesh...goes along the same lines as muslims here in the states getting harrassed and threatened - it's just so fucking crazy the amount of prejudice and stupidity out there...

>Me, I blame Dubya. Not that he has anything to do with it, probably, but
>he's such a dork.... ; )

amazingly enough, i'm okay with how Shrub's handling things...i was surprised he didn't just decide to blow all the fuckers up and ask questions later...definitely a dork, but i'm okay with how he's handling things thus far...

the way it looks now, i guess it's inevitable that we're gonna end up in a war, with the taliban telling people to prepare for a holy war with the us...what a fucking waste...can't we all just get along? guess not...

*sigh*

lori

Sunday, September 16, 2001

time is just c r a w l i n g ...it doesn't seem as though it's been five days since the terrorist attacks...

seems people are getting more and more antsy about taking action...it's pretty obvious it's the work of osama bin laden's group, but i think that we've secured everything to the point that we can take some time to make sure that the actions we take are the right ones. just dropping a bomb on the middle east isn't the way to go about this.

this certainly has been a learning experience...

for instance: learning other religions' views on blood and organ donation (interesting - jehovah's witnesses are opposed to blood transfusions, but organ donation is okay if no blood is transferred) Various Religious Viewpoints

also: a geography lesson on afghanistan and the middle east (turkmenistan? tajikistan? kyrgystan? uzbekistan? they don't get much air time, but they've been mentioned a few times in the news now), it's clear that we americans are very shortsighted and concerned with that which only directly affects us. if anything good can come of this tragedy, perhaps it's that we become a bit more aware of the rest of the world.

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

just woke up...scared to turn on the TV - what's happened now? it's just such a mind-numbing situation - there aren't adequate words to express the confusion, the fear, the sadness...

one of the images on the tv that really blew me away was of the American flag - flying upside down. and it's completely appropriate, we are in a state of dire distress. *8-(
what a surreal day...9/11/01 - the bombing of the world trade center buildings and the pentagon...*sigh* why? it's so senseless. international terrorism? things are pointing that way, but that's also what they said when mcveigh bombed oklahoma...there've been lots of comparisons to pearl harbor, but that was a MILITARY action - these people killed tuesday were innocents, not a thing to do with whatever conflict the enemy - whoever that is - has with the united states government...weird watching the news - they report something, then retract it a few minutes later...it's so fucking confusing. bush says the terrorists and whoever harbors them will pay - what if it's US that's been harboring them? is it osama bin laden? deep down, that's my suspicion. right now they're saying the hijackers didn't have guns, they just used ceramic knives and shaving kits to threaten people on the plane - can this really be?!? how is this going to change our system of national security? it's all just such a confusing, painful experience.

Sunday, September 09, 2001

*yawn* i'm tired, and of course this fucking night is going S L O W E R than mole asses. in trying to make my sleep schedule more consistent, i seem to have fucked it up even more...slept too much friday, then not enough yesterday and today...so now i'm tired and i'll go home and sleep, only to fuck up my schedule even more. grrr...
paige had a soccer game today - 'lil #22 didn't score any goals, but her team did win 1-0...karen, the ex-stepmonster, irked the shit out of me. practically all she said the whole time was "sit down and shut up, matt"...yeah, he was a bit annoying at first, giving play by play of whatever it was he was playing on his game boy, but later on he was just standing up talking to me and adam, not being obnoxious or anything. i don't know what she's got stuck up her ass, but damn!

so pooky and i did lunch at the abbey before going to the game...i also got a copy of his latest disc, it's pretty cool...he's a good brother.

Saturday, September 08, 2001

well, i've been somewhat productive this weekend...the oil is changed, the hair is cut, the apartment is half cleaned...

pooky and i are going to paige's soccer game tomorrow - perhaps i can arrange a time with the stepmonster to have the kids for my b-day...i think pooky was a bit freaked to realize he's about to have a 29 year old sister...

got thelma & louise on dvd for ten bucks at wal-mart today...what a kick-ass movie...

Friday, September 07, 2001

cleaning the apartment is such a pain in the ass...i'm such the pack rat - all this shit, crammed into the closets and every nook and cranny...JUST IN CASE i might need it someday...yeah right...maybe i can use this donation drive for the Julian center to my advantage and get rid of a ton of stuff...

Thursday, September 06, 2001

whoo hoo, another work week bites the dust...i'm gonna TRY to be productive this weekend...lots of shit to do - clean the apartment, get the oil changed in my car, get my hair cut (pondering doing the blond thing again, too)...

on tuesday, kim said i was starting to seem a bit like my old self...until i got stuck with that fucking hubler dodge ad - neal went on to other stuff and left me stuck with it, i was soooooooooo pissed...kim told me she was making a note of it for when raise time comes...good, even with only using half my brain i'm way ahead of mr. weedhead. he definitely made #1 on my shit list this week.

at one point during work, i was boasting about how wonderful i am and kim said she wished i really believed that - maybe then i'd get a girlfriend. yeah, a little self-confidence and those chicks will be all over me.

Monday, September 03, 2001

whoo hoo...happy labor day!...ya know, with my work schedule, holidays are screwed...had to work friday - normally a day off - for 12 hours...but in exchange for that i'm off sunday and monday...so now i just have to work tuesday and wednesday, then it's off for another 3.5 days! of course, i'm sure this is precisely the shit the neuro doc wants me NOT to do...so i'm gonna try to stick to a night shift schedule all week long, even on my days off...i don't think i have a problem switching to a normal human schedule on my days off, but who knows, maybe my brain doesn't agree.

3 weeks 6 days till my final birthday - yup, after 29, i'm not having any more. it's kind of weird to think about it, it seems as though these last few years have zoomed by - it was just yesterday i was in college. er, no - it wasn't yesterday, it was 1994.

paige called tonight...we only got to talk for a few minutes because karen wanted the phone...she says she'd like to get together with me and adam and linda...interesting how she includes linda...i guess it's cool that she's attached to her, since it's not like dear ol' "dad" is around...perhaps we'll get together soon...

talked with kim on friday, because i'm going to have to take 3 days off of work to do the video eeg the neurologist wants - luckily the sleep study can be done on a thursday/friday, so i won't need to take off work for that. i explained to her yet again that i'm really not trying to fuck off, that there's really something wrong going on in my head and i'm doing everything in my powers to get it taken care of. i might have to make a schedule change, but i'm going to try to do what i can without disrupting things at work. i also mentioned to her that i was very upset that this shit was happening right as we're getting ready for annual evaluations and raise time - i was kicking some serious ass at the beginning of the year and it seems as though it's all gone down the toilet. she told me not to worry, she knows i'll be getting a good raise this year. a bit of a relief, but still, i worry. worrying is one thing i'm definitely good at.

Friday, August 31, 2001

just got back from the neurologist - i'm even more scared now, i think. he needs more tests, obviously. said that the amnesia and personality changes sound more like a sleep disorder than being seizure-related...mentioned sleep apnea as a possibility. shit. thanks mom. so i need a bunch of blood tests (B-12 and sodium levels - if they're too low, that can affect my seizure threshold) and he wants a sleep study and a video EEG - i'd have to spend a few days in the hospital for that. he wasn't happy when i told him about my fucked up work schedule and asked if i could change that. i don't know if that's a possibility or not. maybe 4 10 hour days? oh hell, i don't know what this will end up meaning. it's scary as hell though. seems as though i'm getting all the stuff mom has, only 20 years sooner. *sigh*

Thursday, August 30, 2001

starting to feel a bit more human after a nice little 3 hour nap - getting to work early sucked. the meeting was with a woman from Primerica to talk to us about financial planning...er, i'd have some finances to plan if the trader would gimme a nice little raise this year...it does make me think about bumping up the contribution to my 401k though...

i almost cracked up in the meeting...so, we got a little overview of the company, then the lady told us what she'd do for us individually, providing a personal financial analysis, blah blah blah...so she says, "when we do your analysis..." but that's not what i heard - not what cheryl heard either, for that matter, cuz i could hear her chuckle behind me...we heard "when we do urinanalysis..." - i instantly thought 'i ain't peeing in a cup for this!'...*8-)

so, glenn was totally wedged up this woman's ass too, and i went off on him - i asked her a question and he started to answer and i glared at him, pointed at him and told him to be quiet, i didn't ask him. think i was speaking for everyone in the room, he was getting on EVERYBODY's nerves...

very unfortunate i didn't hit that powerball last week...

Wednesday, August 29, 2001

current discussion topic: sick pets...dogs with brain tumors, putting animals to sleep, et al...er, what the hell? is there a full moon out or something? i work with a bunch of weirdos...of course, i fit right in...

amazing the 2am conversation topics we have here at work - tonight: Potted Meat -- apparently clare had some at her desk - people really eat this stuff? i remember dave barry's column of long ago about the stuff - yich! ingredients include: Mechanically Separated Chicken, Beef Tripe, Partially Defatted Cooked Beef Fatty Tissue, Beef Hearts, Water, Partially Defatted Cooked Pork Fatty Tissue, Salt. Less than 2 percent: Mustard, Natural Flavorings, Dried Garlic, Dextrose, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite. i suppose it's good that someone out there's eating this stuff - less going to waste and all, but...can it really be considered food?!?

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

those 5:42am blahs....*blah*....tired of working, tired of being here, just tired in general...

busy week ahead...we've got some bullshit masturbatory - er, mandatory - meeting wednesday at 4pm - what a crock of shit! hafta come into work 2 hours early for some HR meeting...and with the labor day holiday happening, we're working a 12 hr shift friday, which is normally a day off...yeah, we get sunday and monday off, but it still sucks to have everything turned upside down...

whine, whine, bitch, moan, complain...

Sunday, August 26, 2001

weird ass mah jongg night...we belatedly celebrated greg's birthday...he's sick but refuses to see a doc or even take drugs for it...so he's cranky, and dale's cranky cuz greg insists on being cranky, and i was still cranky about the wreck...but we still ate chinese food and played mah jongg...think we all had improved moods by the end of the night...

i skipped lesbo games night last night cuz i was feeling weird - probably for the best, i think i had another seizure...not a bad one, thankfully...i've kept it to myself though - don't want mom worrying about me more than she already does...