Million Dollar Baby

mom and i saw Million Dollar Baby today - very good movie. i had my doubts before going in - Mystic River had lots of similar hype about it and i just didn't get it, it seemed as though just because Clint Eastwood did it that it deserved a spectacular review.

so if you haven't seen Million Dollar Baby, quit reading here, cuz there are spoilers to follow...

conservatives like Michael Medved and Rush Limbaugh have gone about giving away the film's ending, because they're so pro-life that a movie that even brings up the possibility of euthanasia is not worth seeing. i disagree. i also disagree with people that say that the message of this movie is that if you're a quadriplegic, you don't have any reason to live. this movie was about Maggie (played by Hilary Swank) and her decision to end her life, with the assistance of Frankie (played by Clint Eastwood) - it was about one character, not a general statement on euthanasia. i think Maggie's life was so crappy before becoming a boxer that boxing was all she had to live for - with that taken away from her, she had nothing else. that's not to say that quadriplegics can't go on to live very productive lives, but this character had no reason to go on.

where have i been?

...definitely not blogging, that's for sure.

still waiting to hear back from Social Security on my disability claim. with my luck, i'll be done with the brain surgery, all healed up and able to work by the time they get back to me. naah, probably not. i don't intend to be on disability the rest of my life, but i'm certainly not able to work at this point.

fiddling around with my medications is oh so much fun. at least now i'm just on the tegretol xr and keppra - no more topamax. being on three seizure meds plus everything else i take was seriously kicking my ass. i suspect i need to adjust the psychiatric meds, but that's not gonna happen now because dr. parrish has left and now i need to find a new shrink. crossing my fingers that the shrink that did my evaluation for the epilepsy surgery also takes patients, but i'm not sure at this point.

making some changes to therapy - the intensive outpatient program with richard wasn't working for me, so i need to figure out what to do next. methinks i need a queer group to discuss some of my issues, or at least one that i can relate to more than the one i've been in thus far. or perhaps it's time to go back to 1 on 1 therapy for a bit.

been volunteering at Hunger, Inc. - a food pantry down the street. it's been very cool, i definitely have needed an outlet for doing volunteer work for a long time. it's not quite the same as IYG or other things i've done, but still doing some good, nonetheless.

other than that, not much going on. i need to get out and do more things, and definitely blog more ;-)

cue sonny & cher...

...took a while to remember, but eventually it came to me - it was "I got you babe" on Bill Murray's radio to awaken him on Groundhog Day.

now i've got that friggin song in my head (or rather just the title snippet played over and over and over and over and over again) and the friggin groundhog says there's 6 more weeks of winter this year. bleargh.

bracelets

if you were wondering what meanings behind the various colors of rubber bracelets out there are, check out this article...

bleargh...

that pretty much sums it up...bleargh.

been doing the intensive outpatient therapy thang for a couple of weeks now - it's helping a bit, but not quite as good as the last time i was there. *shrug* don't quite click with the therapist running the show this time around, i suspect.

think i'm also still adjusting to being on 3 seizure meds at once - hopefully the tegretol level will come back as good so we can start weaning me off of the topamax. i really think being on 3 meds all at once is what's making me a freaking zombie. kat even mentioned it when we went out to dinner tonight, how at one point over the weekend she looked at me and it was like looking at a brick wall. i'm just not quite all there. this crap makes it really hard to fight off the depression.

around the world and again and again...and then some more...

brother informs me that he's logged 80,000+ frequent flier miles on delta in 2004 from his music gigs...pretty impressive, considering he's done quite a bit of stuff that he's driven to/from in the us and that the circumference of the globe is about 25k miles. around the world 3 times in a year - neat stuff. he's looking at doing a gig in japan this year, and he's probably gonna be using his frequent flier miles to take codi along with him - awwwwww.

i have yet to meet their new doggie, i really need to go over there and do that.

who died?

who died? a question both my mother and i had when seeing flags flying at half-staff, particularly in front of the post office and other public buildings. hadn't seen anything about it on the news or anything - well, apparently it's by order of Dubya, in honor of victims of the tsunami.

hmmmm...

a couple more months before i lose my mind (well, a chunk of it, at least)

the brain surgery, originally planned for january or february, is looking to be happening in april now...

seems i have to get my head together before they'll cut it open and take some of it out...

between starting new seizure meds and tapering off the old ones, and doing some intensive outpatient therapy to psychologically get my head on straight (so to speak) we wanna have some calm time before going in and carving things out...

guess i'm okay with that, but i wish i could just hit the button on the remote control and get all this done - i'm ready to get the surgery over and done with, even if physically i might not be ready...i guess i can wait - we want this thang to be a success...

fun fun fun!

yet another exhibit to prove why weblogs are soooo important...

without blogging, there wouldn't be accounts of crucially important world events such as TPIR...

grab the crayolas...

it's the Law & Order coloring book!

First movie seen at the theater this year: Finding Neverland

so, today mom and i went to see Finding Neverland - the Johnny Depp biopic about J.M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan (the Play, not the peanut butter, smart ass!) i'm gonna agree with Roger Ebert's assessment - 3.5 stars...pretty good movie...surprisingly more of a chick flick than i expected...i must say, i find all the references that Michael Jackson makes to Neverland and Peter Pan even more disturbing after seeing this movie - does he use Barrie's interest in this widow's 4 kids as justification for child molestation? Did Barrie himself molest kids? dunno about that stuff...

and on a somewhat unrelated note, we saw posters for an upcoming movie there at the theater - side by side, one with Brad Pitt that said "Mr.", one with Angelina Jolie that said "Mrs." - apparently, they're adverts for the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith - in theaters in JUNE...looking at the website, there are soooo many things wrong with this movie, i'm not even gonna say a word....

WHAT CLASSIC MOVIE ARE YOU?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

errr, not quite...

not sure that i agree with this one, but i'll post it anyhoo:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Mother Teresa?!?!?

once again, molly nails it...

molly ivins is right on - her recap of 2004 says it all...read it at working for change's web site

the final paragraph seems to me exactly how i feel looking back at this year and forward to next:

"Well, friends, the old ball is starting another orbit of the sun, giving us all a chance to do better this time. Let's not blow it, because we sure look like dogmeat after this one."

*yawn*

dunno if it's the change in meds or something else going on, but if sleeping was an olympic sport, these days i would be an olympic gold medalist - setting unbeatable world records, noless.

it ain't brain surgery...

...oh yeah, i guess it is...

met up with a couple more docs at iu on tuesday - dr. pettigrew was first on the schedule - he's an internal medicine doc they sent me to in order to give me a general check-up and clearance for surgery...assuming nothing majorly weird comes back from my lab work (which i don't think will happen), i think i've got his thumbs up...

dr. worth was the other doc i met - he's the doc that will actually be performing the surgery...he gave a general overview of the procedure, mentioned the statistics, all that fun stuff...someone from the office will be calling to schedule the Wada test for me, then the surgery would be a couple weeks after that - now we're looking at february for that to be happening...

meanwhile, the docs are shifting around the seizure meds i'm taking and things are annoying, but there's light at the end of the tunnel...

the weekend...

on friday, mom and i went to see closer - interesting movie, tho it wasn't what i expected - at least now every time i hear the word closer i won't think of the nine inch nails song and automatically think "i wanna fuck you like an animal"

on saturday afternoon kat and i went to see john take his test for tae kwon do - now he's a green belt! kat mistakenly told me last time that he was got his green belt last time, so i had gotten him a matching pair of green panties, so NOW he has a pair of pair of panties to match his tae kwon do belt. heh heh heh, once he gets the black belt, i think we'll hafta go all out and get garters and who knows what else...

then we went to michelle's xmas party last night - took kat and john with me to join in the festivities...i dunno, i'm just not feeling that christmas spirit crap this year...*shrug* it was a very nice party and it was nice to get out and all, but it just seems to take such an effort - guess that's the depression in me talking. *shrug* the seizures are acting up as well, this week's loaded with doc's appointments. and of course kat had to make a big deal to michelle about how i'm not getting out too much to see people - well dammit, part of that's because of being sick and such. i know she means well and all, but part of me was a bit pissed off.

adam's thanksgiving...

while the rest of the family was here in the states eating turkey and doing the rest of the traditional stuff, my brother adam spent his thanksgiving in australia, performing at several gigs - he sent me this link to video from one of his performances...

How evil are you?

How evil are you?

awake - i think?

surreal couple of days - sunday evening i started feeling sickly, nauseous and such - by monday morning i'd been puking my guts out, to the point that at 8am it seemed far too long to wait an hour for the doc's office to open, so we went ahead and visited the emergency room. (not being able to keep anything down is bad when ya take 349085 prescription meds) additionally, i'm sure all the puking dehydrated me - my skull is shrinking by the millisecond, and the pain is almost too much to bear.

so, after seeing a few nurses, physician's assistants and a doctor, they pumped me full of anti-nausea meds and gave me an i.v. bag full of fluids - couple hours later i'm sent home on my merry way with some rx's. right now is the first time i've been somewhat coherent since that time - the drugs i took really knocked me on my ass, to the point that it scared mom. i was just glad to be able to get some sleep and not be puking my guts out...

of course, i would have to be sick for an evening that i have plans...alas, another time...