from Bob & Tom's Joke of the Day page:

A man follows a woman with a parrot out of a movie theater. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your bird seemed to understand the movie. He cried at the right spots, he was fidgeting in his seat during the boring parts and he laughed at jokes. Don't you find that unusual?"
"I do indeed," she answered. "He hated the book."


A carrot crosses the road and is hit by a car. He is rushed to the hospital, where he goes through hours of surgery.
After surgery the doctor comes into the carrot’s room and says “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
The carrot says, “Give me the good news first, doc.”
The doctor says, “The good news is you’re gonna live.”
“And the bad news?” asks the carrot.
“The bad news is you're gonna be a vegetable for the rest of your life.“