freaking out...

up at an ungodly hour - spent the last couple tossing and turning in bed...not sure what woke me up, but then i got medicaid on the brain and it's been freakout ever since. this spend-down thing's got me really freaked out - how the hell am i supposed to live on what social security gives me MINUS FORTY PERCENT? six hundred a month is gonna be ROUGH. so i'm trying to think of all these ways to milk the system - doc visits and med refills at the beginning and end of one month, then none the next month - to save money and it's just causing a freaking anxiety attack. and that's just presuming i can keep it together enough to contain my expenditures to every other month - we know i have a tendency to have things pop up, be they seizures or strange mental things...

the New Year's Resolution i made @ Douglas & Dan's party to ring in 2008 was to be more positive - right now it's not feeling too attainable, i'm feeling really negative...grrr...

i wish the extra xanax i just took would kick in - i just wanna go back to sleep...

No change...

just heard from my medicaid caseworker - that $385 spend-down is not gonna change. she also informed me that i would've had a spend-down before, but that my previous caseworker didn't submit the proper information. thankfully, i'm not gonna be penalized for that. this system is all sorts of screwed up.

Volunteering at Hunger, Inc.

on today's agenda: my shift for volunteering at Hunger, Inc. - a food pantry down here on the south side of Indy. not sure what sort of crowd to expect today, with the snow we've had, and the fact that it's the middle of the month, the numbers may be down - the end of the month is usually the busiest time of the month. i actually prefer it when it's busier - the time goes faster and it's not as easy to dwell on how depressing can get at times.

Can you at least pay for the lube, Medicaid?

the new year brings a reaming from Medicaid. the annual cost-of-living increase in my Social Security Disability by $24.00 means that i now must pay $385.00 PER MONTH of my healthcare expenses before Medicaid will pay for anything (it's called a "spend-down"). the magic number is $1022.00 - make under that, NO spend-down - last year i made $1014.00. the new year came and Social Security gave me an increase to $1038.00 - now i make $16.00 more than the limit so i have a spend-down. what i don't understand is how that extra sixteen bucks makes it so that close to FORTY PERCENT of my disability check has to go to healthcare now.

i'm sending some paperwork to my caseworker to hopefully try to lower the spend-down, but she warned me that we're taking a chance - it could actually increase...but that's a chance i guess i have to take

restarting the ol' blog...

i think it's time to get back into the blogosphere...this area under construction...

Which Lolcat Are You? Test

My score on The Which Lolcat Are You? Test:

Cheezburger cat

(65% Affectionate, 53% Excitable, 62% Hungry)

Sure, you deserve one. You helped popularized lolcats from a running gag to an online sensation. Now mainstream media writes asinine columns on this 'phenomenon', students write theses on the topic, programming languages adopt the grammar, and losers write tests about them on dating sites. Now take your cheezburger and never touch the internets again.

To see all possible results, checka &dis.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test
(OkCupid Free Online Dating)

What Brady Are You?

You Are Jan Brady

Brainy and a little introverted, you tend to think life is a lot worse than it actually is. And while you may think you're a little goofy looking, most people consider you to be a major babe.

What Brady Are You?

What Donut Are You?

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

Heidi....HO!

so, Heidi's all moved in and things are going well - i'm really on the fence about crating her though. her wimpering just makes my heart ache, and she doesn't counter surf or anything, so i guess i don't see the need for it. adam says i should do it though, and he's got lots more basset experience than me. *shrug*

getting ready for the roomie!

that's right - i'm gonna have a roommate. she's probably gonna move in next weekend. her name's Heidi, she's tri-racial (black, brown, and white) and has four feet. yeah, she's a doggie! a Basset Hound, to be more specific. i'm so excited!! more info to come...

pink!

that's the color of my hair now! used manic panic's Wildfire after bleaching my hair out...came out pink, with a few blondish streaks...so we used some more red - this time it was Pillarbox Red - still pink, but it's pink consistently. i like it. i'm dye-ing (har har) to get to a place with blacklight, cuz it supposedly glows in blacklight.

Wii!

i've now joined the section of the human race that owns a video game system - this weekend i managed to get my hands on a Nintendo Wii. playing with Adam's while i was doggy-sitting made me want one, and i finally managed to see one in the Target ad and get there early enough to get one before they ran out - whoo hoo!

learning about my condo

the woman who owns the condo across from mine gave me a bit of info that i didn't know...mine was the first one moved in to - she was #2. the guy that moved in here was single and when he found a woman, they moved off to a house on the northside. then Lori moved in - the previous Lori, the one whose death was the reason for the sale of the place...

granted, this isn't majorly interesting stuff, but this is a building built in 2004, not 1904 like some buildings in the city...it's slowly building a history...

time to restart the ol blog...

seems like i've been using twitter more lately as a blog, so i ought to just start blogging again.

right now i'm doggy sitting for adam while he's at the detroit electronic music festival - madison's my bitch, she just loves the hell outta me. milwaukee likes me okay enough - especially when i'm filling her food bowl. i'm supposedly cat sitting as well, but i have yet to see the things since adam and codi have moved into this house, so i'm beginning to wonder if they even exist - they could be playing an evil trick on me to see if i'll continue to feed the cats even tho they're no longer around.

this weekend was lots of fun - aunt joan was in town, so there was lots of fun stuff planned - friday night we went to indiana downs to check out the horse races - didn't win anything, but it was still fun. then it was a family picnic on saturday that we weren't sure about happening because of rain and the fact that we hadn't reserved a shelter at any of the local parks, but it all worked out - the rain went away, the sun came out, and we had a good time. yesterday was a trip to the casino with joan, joanie, george and ashley. this being ashley's first trip now that she's a 21 year old, it was quite a trip - lost some $$, but still had a lot of fun.

been a very busy holiday weekend!!!

the most wonderful godson in the world...

sorry to all you other Fairy Godmothers out there, but I have the cutest godson in the world. Dominic and his brother and sisters and parents went to my cousin's house and we had a little early Christmas celebration. I gave Domi his very first tricycle - he preferred riding it Fred Flintstone-style, avoiding using the pedals and trying to use his feet. Also got him his very first cell phone (okay, not a REAL phone, but one that allowed me to record a message to him telling him i love him) and some clothes. he's such a cutie!

Xmas with dad...

so dad came to visit early for christmas this year - a plane ticket that's $750 during xmas week was $325 last week. he spent a few nights here, coming back this afternoon so we can go to the cemetery with adam before he heads back to Utah tomorrow.

matt and paige and adam and codi were here saturday, we did the xmas with dad thing...i can't believe how grown up my brother and sister are, but i should - it's easy to do the math, after all. matt's 18 now, duh, he's not gonna look like the 10 year old that's stuck in my brain. got the goatee action goin on, playing guitar, working at Home Depot...the typical 18 year old type stuff. paige is her same self - i talk to her a lot more cuz she's always online and we IM each other. things got a bit tense for a while because matt brought up the fact that paige doesn't have her cell phone anymore because she ran up a $900 phone bill from sending text messages! holy crap! i know we all do stupid stuff as kids, but my farkups weren't that expensive!

all in all, a nice visit.

long time no type....

no posts in a long time - not sure if that's a good sign or not - sometimes when the depression lifts, i don't write as much. or perhaps i'm depressed and feeling lazy. probably a combination of the two - get depressed, don't write....feel better, don't write...

so i've pondered closing down the ol' blog, but i just don't know...

Wikipedia Brown, Boy Detective

an interesting combination of those Encyclopedia Brown books of my childhood, and Wikipedia - it's Wikipedia Brown, Boy Detective

somehow, i don't think she'll be able to serve...

i'm still receiving mom's mail, although it should certainly ease up once her estate is closed next month.

today, she recieved a card from the clerk of the marion circuit court - my mother's being summoned for jury duty! errr, sorry folks, she's been dead for almost a year now!! actually, the first day she's supposed to call is the anniversary of her death - how friggin weird.

up at 3:30 for no apparent reason...

perhaps it's the sniffles i'm starting to get - coming down with a cold, perhaps?

saturday's birthday was very nice - joanie, george & brandon came over with a cake...i answered numerous calls and emails from people with birthday wishes...had dinner with kat & john...then on sunday i went to spend some time with dominic - i have the cutest godson in the world, that's all there is to it.

saturday morning, i was filled with a sense of dread - this being my first birthday without mom, i figured everyone would forget and i'd be stuck spending the day alone. nope, not happening - which made me feel very good. i guess people actually DO like me.

reckon i ought to try to go back to sleep now...