ugh, hafta be downtown tomorrow at that ungodly hour of 8am for more pre-surgical evaluation/testing. this time i'm headed to Riley Hospital to meet with a Neuropsychologist - David Kareken, Ph.D. the info that's been sent to me tells me the exam will measure brain functions such as memory, attention/concentration, language and visual perception. fun fun fun!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
slowly getting back to "normal"...
now that i'm outta the hospital, it appears that i'm getting sick - head's all stuffed up and i'm coughing up all sorts of crunchy things in my chest - blech.
yesterday, kat treated me to some belated birthday celebration activities - we went and saw Shark Tale and had dinner at Steak & Ale (wow, that rhymes!)
time for some more sleep...
yesterday, kat treated me to some belated birthday celebration activities - we went and saw Shark Tale and had dinner at Steak & Ale (wow, that rhymes!)
time for some more sleep...
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
HOME!!!
yay! home from the hospital! i was there a little longer than expected, but eventually had the seizures the docs wanted, got them captured on video and now i'm home, 9 days later! i'm gonna be picking glue outta my hair and adhesive off my body for who knows how long now...
amazing how exhausting lying in bed, hooked up to computers and 28429 wires can be. *yawn*
amazing how exhausting lying in bed, hooked up to computers and 28429 wires can be. *yawn*
Sunday, October 10, 2004
line of the day...week...hell, a GREAT line, period.
James Spader's smarmy lawyer Alan Shore on "Boston Legal" (a spinoff of "the Practice") is a trip...i didn't think he could be as weird in a lawyer role as he was in Secretary (that movie ROCKS), but i just may be mistaken...Alan Shore is quite a character...
tonight, as he offered to rub an uneasy co-worker's feet, he said:
"Don't worry, it's nothing personal, it's just a fetish."
might hafta use that line myself sometime - kat liked it so much she wrote it down, we were both rather amused.
Elizabeth Mitchell is playing his crazy ex-wife, apparently in a recurring role - damn, she's hot! and she's got a knack for getting roles with other hot people as well - with angelina jolie in gia, again doing the lesbo thang on er with doc kerry weaver, now the alan shore character...lemme just say the woman can eat crackers in my bed any time she wants...
tonight, as he offered to rub an uneasy co-worker's feet, he said:
"Don't worry, it's nothing personal, it's just a fetish."
might hafta use that line myself sometime - kat liked it so much she wrote it down, we were both rather amused.
Elizabeth Mitchell is playing his crazy ex-wife, apparently in a recurring role - damn, she's hot! and she's got a knack for getting roles with other hot people as well - with angelina jolie in gia, again doing the lesbo thang on er with doc kerry weaver, now the alan shore character...lemme just say the woman can eat crackers in my bed any time she wants...
Saturday, October 09, 2004
courtesy of Aunt Sherry...
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when
they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship
that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female
whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the
same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon
however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were
swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female
"lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse
to swallow the seamen."
they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship
that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female
whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the
same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon
however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were
swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female
"lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse
to swallow the seamen."
dubya, you're leaving the children behind...
Regardless of where you stand on the Iraq war situation, this has to make you stop and think...
i dunno how long the link on Channel 13's website will last, so lemme just cut/paste the story here:
School children get a lesson on soldiers leaving for war
Rich Van Wyk/Education Reporter
Indianapolis, Oct. 8 - Only one person didn't know it really wasn't a Columbus Day celebration. Nine hundred teachers and students pulled a fast one, making Friday Gregory Conley's Day.
A math and science teacher, a friend of students and the father of two small children, he was a man at a loss for words. "How do you say thank you?"
Conely, a sargent in the Army reserves is headed to Iraq.
Students and coworkers have known for weeks, but until Friday kept their emotions under wraps.
This is the second time the Army is calling Conley to duty. After three months in Wisconsin they sent him home. This time he expects to spend more than a year in the war zones of Iraq counseling troops.
"I am completely stunned and overwhelmed how students and staff have shown their support."
Students call Conely a good teacher and a great friend.
And Conely will miss his children as well, all 900 of them.
Reading the story doesn't compare to seeing it on the news (especially since Van Wyk pronounced sargent [sic] correctly) but reading it online sickened me all over again.
Now let's think about this situation for a second: the guy's a teacher, with two small kids, and in addition to this he serves his country in the Reserve. Then go to the Reserve website and take a look at the Mission Statement of the Reserve. Lemme point out a few of the highlights of the Mission of the Reserve and provide some of my own commentary to Dubya:
Maintaining a force that can mobilize rapidly and skillfully at any moment to respond to a crisis or situation, or to defend America's interests at home and abroad.
- George, the key word there is DEFEND, particularly if you're going abroad and sending reservists to do it. Going on a Saddam hunt in the name of 9/11 is OFFENSIVE as both a noun and an adjective.
Implementing national objectives.
- George, weren't you the "No Child Left Behind" guy? Oh yeah, guess now you can change that slogan to "No Teachers Left Behind - We're Sending 'Em To Iraq" - seeing all the kids in the gym hugging and crying and talking about their favorite teacher leaving. Guess it's not your fault George, it's Conley's - by signing on as a Reservist he's decided that he'll be the one to leave the children behind when you want to start wars with other countries
Preserving the peace and security, and providing for the defense of the United States, the Territories, Commonwealths and Possessions, and any areas occupied by the United States.
- George! Once again: the key word is DEFENSE.
Overcoming aggressive acts from nations and terrorist groups that imperil the peace and security of the United States.
- The aggressive acts are coming FROM the United States - we're the ones imperiling the peace and security.
and the last one on the list is the kicker...
Giving back to the community by providing civil support, i.e. food, shelter, safe drinking water and medical attention to our citizens during emergencies and natural disasters.
- The emergencies facing the United States now could probably be resolved if we kept our citizens at home, doing their jobs (those of us that still have them, that is) and stopped trying to bully the rest of the world. While I have no doubt in Sergeant Conley's abilities as a soldier, I suspect that his community/civil support roles would be fulfilled by doing his REGULAR JOB at this time. And as the Reserve motto so eloquently puts it: Army Reserve: It's Not Your Everyday Job - it SHOULDN'T be, but he himself believes he'll be in Iraq for at least a year.
ugh, it's just so damned disgusting...
oh wait, i forgot, Dubya doesn't read the news, so i'm sure he wouldn't read my blog or anything that the Army posted on their website either...oh well...
i dunno how long the link on Channel 13's website will last, so lemme just cut/paste the story here:
School children get a lesson on soldiers leaving for war
Rich Van Wyk/Education Reporter
Indianapolis, Oct. 8 - Only one person didn't know it really wasn't a Columbus Day celebration. Nine hundred teachers and students pulled a fast one, making Friday Gregory Conley's Day.
A math and science teacher, a friend of students and the father of two small children, he was a man at a loss for words. "How do you say thank you?"
Conely, a sargent in the Army reserves is headed to Iraq.
Students and coworkers have known for weeks, but until Friday kept their emotions under wraps.
This is the second time the Army is calling Conley to duty. After three months in Wisconsin they sent him home. This time he expects to spend more than a year in the war zones of Iraq counseling troops.
"I am completely stunned and overwhelmed how students and staff have shown their support."
Students call Conely a good teacher and a great friend.
And Conely will miss his children as well, all 900 of them.
Reading the story doesn't compare to seeing it on the news (especially since Van Wyk pronounced sargent [sic] correctly) but reading it online sickened me all over again.
Now let's think about this situation for a second: the guy's a teacher, with two small kids, and in addition to this he serves his country in the Reserve. Then go to the Reserve website and take a look at the Mission Statement of the Reserve. Lemme point out a few of the highlights of the Mission of the Reserve and provide some of my own commentary to Dubya:
Maintaining a force that can mobilize rapidly and skillfully at any moment to respond to a crisis or situation, or to defend America's interests at home and abroad.
- George, the key word there is DEFEND, particularly if you're going abroad and sending reservists to do it. Going on a Saddam hunt in the name of 9/11 is OFFENSIVE as both a noun and an adjective.
Implementing national objectives.
- George, weren't you the "No Child Left Behind" guy? Oh yeah, guess now you can change that slogan to "No Teachers Left Behind - We're Sending 'Em To Iraq" - seeing all the kids in the gym hugging and crying and talking about their favorite teacher leaving. Guess it's not your fault George, it's Conley's - by signing on as a Reservist he's decided that he'll be the one to leave the children behind when you want to start wars with other countries
Preserving the peace and security, and providing for the defense of the United States, the Territories, Commonwealths and Possessions, and any areas occupied by the United States.
- George! Once again: the key word is DEFENSE.
Overcoming aggressive acts from nations and terrorist groups that imperil the peace and security of the United States.
- The aggressive acts are coming FROM the United States - we're the ones imperiling the peace and security.
and the last one on the list is the kicker...
Giving back to the community by providing civil support, i.e. food, shelter, safe drinking water and medical attention to our citizens during emergencies and natural disasters.
- The emergencies facing the United States now could probably be resolved if we kept our citizens at home, doing their jobs (those of us that still have them, that is) and stopped trying to bully the rest of the world. While I have no doubt in Sergeant Conley's abilities as a soldier, I suspect that his community/civil support roles would be fulfilled by doing his REGULAR JOB at this time. And as the Reserve motto so eloquently puts it: Army Reserve: It's Not Your Everyday Job - it SHOULDN'T be, but he himself believes he'll be in Iraq for at least a year.
ugh, it's just so damned disgusting...
oh wait, i forgot, Dubya doesn't read the news, so i'm sure he wouldn't read my blog or anything that the Army posted on their website either...oh well...
Friday, October 08, 2004
lagging in the blogging department...
yeah, i know, over a week since i've last blogged...lots gone on since i've last blogged - out of intensive therapy, had a birthday, getting ready to go into the hospital for my weeklong video eeg, and so on and so forth...i'll try to do some catching up this weekend before my trip to the hospital commences at 7am monday...
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
cute .sig file, donna... ;-)
I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. ~ Anonymous
Monday, September 27, 2004
last day of the Intensive Outpatient Program...
i graduated this morning - no more of that 3 hours a day, 3 days a week minimum group therapy stuff for me! i'm not cured or anything, but i know i've learned a lot more about myself and others and some valuable coping skills that i didn't have before. i hate goodbyes, but i know it's for the best, and it probably should've been done sooner.
there's a bit of a ritual when someone leaves the program - charles has this basket of stones...the graduate picks out a stone that grabs their attention and it gets passed around the room, each person taking a moment to say something about their experience with the graduate or whatever...meanwhile, the graduate has to remain silent - just shut up and take it...ugh, i can't take a compliment to save my life...it's always interesting to see what people see about other people, what sorts of things make impressions on people...then, after everyone's talked, turnabout's fair play and the graduate has this stone with all these good vibes put into it and can say whatever she/he wants to say. i was just left sort of speechless.
onto the next chapter...
there's a bit of a ritual when someone leaves the program - charles has this basket of stones...the graduate picks out a stone that grabs their attention and it gets passed around the room, each person taking a moment to say something about their experience with the graduate or whatever...meanwhile, the graduate has to remain silent - just shut up and take it...ugh, i can't take a compliment to save my life...it's always interesting to see what people see about other people, what sorts of things make impressions on people...then, after everyone's talked, turnabout's fair play and the graduate has this stone with all these good vibes put into it and can say whatever she/he wants to say. i was just left sort of speechless.
onto the next chapter...
September 14 was a rather expensive day...
thirteen days - not even two weeks - and IU's sent me a bill for my day of pre-surgical testing...the MRI/interictal SPECT/PET scan combo...not a bill, really, just a warning of what they're sending to the insurance company.
$4,114.00
sheesh. and we still have a weeklong video EEG and the neuropsychological testing to go through. damn, i'm expensive.
$4,114.00
sheesh. and we still have a weeklong video EEG and the neuropsychological testing to go through. damn, i'm expensive.
*twiddle*
'nother bout of insomnia has kicked in - probably anxiety about today being the last day of IOP...i can't turn my brain off.
i've always been this way - impending changes freak me out...the first day of school was always huge, i never got sleep the night before - i'd lie in bed, awake, pondering what the new school year would bring. wish i knew how to just turn the anxiety off (well, i figure 3 or 4 xanax would do it, but i need to be coherent in a few hours, so i shouldn't try that)
i've always been this way - impending changes freak me out...the first day of school was always huge, i never got sleep the night before - i'd lie in bed, awake, pondering what the new school year would bring. wish i knew how to just turn the anxiety off (well, i figure 3 or 4 xanax would do it, but i need to be coherent in a few hours, so i shouldn't try that)
Friday, September 24, 2004
monday - graduation?
it looks as though monday's the day i'll be out of the intensive outpatient program at behavioral care south - my level of craziness has subsided to the point that they think i can handle just an hourlong group once a week now, with an occasional visit to the psychiatrist. i've got mixed feelings about this - i've been oh so ready to get out of it several times, and then some crisis pops up and there's no way i can leave...now i think i'm ready to go, even though there are some pretty major events heading my way in the coming weeks that may test me and my mental status.
assuming monday's the last day, i was in the programs (the Partial Hospitalization Program and the Intensive Outpatient Program) a total of 18 weeks and 1 day. pretty fucking crazy. these people have been a foster family to me, we've gone through a LOT of shit together, and they know a lot more about me than a lot of people do - it's going to be weird not having them around all the time.
assuming monday's the last day, i was in the programs (the Partial Hospitalization Program and the Intensive Outpatient Program) a total of 18 weeks and 1 day. pretty fucking crazy. these people have been a foster family to me, we've gone through a LOT of shit together, and they know a lot more about me than a lot of people do - it's going to be weird not having them around all the time.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
dammit, ru...
ya know, RuPaul, it's awfully nice of you to come to visit us in Naptown and have a concert at Talbott Street and all, but couldn't you have scheduled it the week that i wasn't scheduled to be in the hospital with electrodes glued to my head and a video camera a few feet away from me?!?
i suppose if you wanna make it a really special birthday #32 for me, you could drop by the Neurology unit at Indiana University Hospital while you're in town - i'm sure that would probably induce some sort of brain activity that the docs would like to see!!!
i suppose if you wanna make it a really special birthday #32 for me, you could drop by the Neurology unit at Indiana University Hospital while you're in town - i'm sure that would probably induce some sort of brain activity that the docs would like to see!!!
Monday, September 20, 2004
the fortune in my fortune cookie...
"You will conquer obstacles to achieve success." - let's hope this one's right on the money...
Saturday, September 18, 2004
today's horoscope....
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You're starting to see how one choice led to another to land you exactly where you are. You'll probably scrutinize a relationship sideways, backward and upside down.
yeah, sure. story of my life. hell, they could run this horoscope every friggin' day and it'd be 100% accurate for me.
yeah, sure. story of my life. hell, they could run this horoscope every friggin' day and it'd be 100% accurate for me.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
ativan - yummy!
i must say, ativan's a spiffy drug. prior to today, my most recent experience with an MRI machine left me this close I--I to a complete and total freakout. to avoid that, we had a dose of meds prior to today's tests, and i think they helped greatly. i haven't generally had severe claustrophobia in the past, but the MRI and similar machines that they like to cram the fat girls into and then leave the room while they turn on to make loud noises and shake seem to have awakened something in me, something that didn't like being awoken. so now we put it back to sleep with ativan.
got to the doc's office at 8:30, to get the vagus nerve stimulator turned off (seems the VNS and the MRI don't like each other too much) 9am was MRI time! The Interictal SPECT (Single-photon emission computed tomography - as if you didn't already know that!) was at 11am. and 2pm was the PET scan. the weeklong video EEG is scheduled for october and i don't yet have a date on when they're doing the neuropsych evaluation stuff. if all the tests give them the appropriate answers, they'll go in and carve out the fucked-up part of my brain that's causing my seizures (just the seizure-causing part - if they took all the fucked-up parts, there wouldn't be any left!!)
dunno when i'll get the results of tests they did today, but at least the tests themselves are done...
got to the doc's office at 8:30, to get the vagus nerve stimulator turned off (seems the VNS and the MRI don't like each other too much) 9am was MRI time! The Interictal SPECT (Single-photon emission computed tomography - as if you didn't already know that!) was at 11am. and 2pm was the PET scan. the weeklong video EEG is scheduled for october and i don't yet have a date on when they're doing the neuropsych evaluation stuff. if all the tests give them the appropriate answers, they'll go in and carve out the fucked-up part of my brain that's causing my seizures (just the seizure-causing part - if they took all the fucked-up parts, there wouldn't be any left!!)
dunno when i'll get the results of tests they did today, but at least the tests themselves are done...
Monday, September 13, 2004
crumbling...
that seems to be the word that describes how things feel around me - feels as though everything around me's crumbling. and, silly me, i go to a friend, hoping for some friendship, and get told i'm "emotionally needy" - ummm, yeah. didn't seem to be such a big issue when the roles were reversed.
argh.
life sucks.
argh.
life sucks.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
neurologically speaking...
saw the neurologist friday afternoon, a followup visit to find out any results from the overnight video EEG i had a couple of weeks ago...
the bad news: no major activity for them to see...
the good news: it looked a lot better than the one i had done 3 years ago...
*shrug*...
so, we're making a few medicine changes (argh! the frustrating thing is having to write all the shit out for each day cuz ya can't just start or stop a med, you have to slowly increase/decrease the dosages) and proceeding with the surgical evaluation - 3 tests next tuesday!
meanwhile my sleep patterns are fucked up and i need to talk to the shrink cuz the sonata's too damned expensive at $40 a prescription...drugs drugs drugs!!!
the bad news: no major activity for them to see...
the good news: it looked a lot better than the one i had done 3 years ago...
*shrug*...
so, we're making a few medicine changes (argh! the frustrating thing is having to write all the shit out for each day cuz ya can't just start or stop a med, you have to slowly increase/decrease the dosages) and proceeding with the surgical evaluation - 3 tests next tuesday!
meanwhile my sleep patterns are fucked up and i need to talk to the shrink cuz the sonata's too damned expensive at $40 a prescription...drugs drugs drugs!!!
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
pretty obvious...
think it's pretty obvious by that last blog entry that lori's hit another bump in the road as far as the depression goes...entirely too much shit going on in my life that's bumming me out and i'm not handling it as well as i have been in the past few weeks...time for a meds change? dunno, might hafta see if i can get in to see the shrink earlier than my next scheduled appt. *sigh*
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