it's world aids day...sad that we still have to have one. aids has been around far too long, i thought we'd have a cure by now. alas we don't. in honor of world aids day, we're asked to "link and think" - to take a moment and think about aids and maybe add a few links in our blog...

so here are some links:
lesbians & hiv
safersex.org - a journal of online safe sexuality
the NAMES project
the us department of health & human services

and the personal stories?

pastor jon was a close friend that died of aids. in the church, we didn't know he was gay, it was never mentioned. of course, all the signs were there, but we chose to be in denial or whatever. he was the leader of our youth group, and i worked with him quite a bit since i was the youth rep to the church board. it just blew me away - why him?!? he was such a good guy - why would GOD do such a thing to one of his servants, a man that devoted his life to Him? i think that was one of the major events that caused my agnosticism - if there is a god, why does he/she/it allow such horrible things to happen to good people?

i worked with indiana cares long ago, when they still existed, a separate entity from icaan...i worked with micheal breese in the stop aids project - we did "bar raids", going to gay bars in town with condom hats on our heads and smiles on our faces, passing out condoms, lube, gloves and safer sex info...it was a lot of fun, and it made the topic of safer sex easier to talk about...i wonder what micheal would say about us now if he were still alive? he'd be very disappointed, i think. all the in-fighting and crap - it disgusts me that this year's garage party raised 39,704.93 and only 4,738.45 ended up going to the cause. that's 8.4%!!! something is seriously wrong there...

i volunteered at parkview manor, a nursing facility for people with aids....no longer exists because the money isn't there for it...wonder where all those people went, how many of them are still around...*sigh*

more thoughts later...

oh, the er wasn't totally horrible - met a cute chick there *smirk*...the "room" i was in was really just one fourth of a room, enclosed by a curtain...not much privacy at all...well, the chick across from me was in cuz she had a terrible headache...then i heard her mention she was a patient of dr. mohan's (my neurologist) and that she was epileptic...when her doc left i made a comment about the lack of privacy and that i heard her mention dr. mohan and so we chatted quite a bit...her name's shirley, she works at wal-mart...got epilepsy and sleep apnea...she told me a bit about what to expect in the video eeg, tho hers was at community north and sounded pretty dreadful...she asked if i'd ever had dr. wallack and i told her it'd been 13 years and she told me he's still an asshole. *8-) then when she left she gave me a few coupons - a woman after my own heart! *8-) guess she has a connection at foot locker and these coupons are for 30% off - whoo hoo! i'm tempted to drop in at wal-mart sometime and look her up - kinda got that queer vibe, but there was a guy there with her...*shrug*

hmmm, think this vicodin's kicking in...

just got out of the emergency room - left work early cuz i was having pains from hell...my gut wasn't very happy with me - a rock-hard fist inside, just cramping and making me miserable...so i went to the er, peed in a cup, got needles stuck in a variety of places...doc said he thinks it's a gall bladder problem, but they don't have an ultrasound available to the night shift so i'll hafta check in with doc english...meanwhile, it's vicodin and clear liquids for me!

argh.

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wow - a blog all about er!

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is there such a thing as fate? what's in charge of what things go on? sometimes it just seems like there are too many coincidences for some things to just "happen" - something drives you to a certain time, place, event...*shrug*

i'm feeling really weird right now...was reading the indy star on the web and one of the cover stories is about crown hill cemetery, and how some tv show's filming there to show some of the historical stuff...so i drift off to the crown hill website. a few clicks, and i find that chuck avery has died, and will be buried there later today. i knew chuck from my days at the thrifty nickel - he was the circulation manager, and the only other queer that worked there. i knew his health wasn't good - last time i saw him he was just recovering from a stroke - but it's still a shock.

it just freaks me out - seems like i was lead to his obituary...i'm not the type of person that reads the obituaries (tho i did as a kid - finding how who the oldest and youngest people were, what people died from - all that macabre stuff fascinated me) so it just seems weird that i'd find this one.

cute - go to the random url site and it'll plug in a random word from its dictionary, add a .com to it and take ya to whatever site might happen...'tis amazing what's out there on the web...

hopefully momma's gonna get out of the hospital today...then she'll be off work another week...she's certainly making use of that short-term disability thang...

talked with her gastro doc yesterday, and he said what i pretty much already knew - adam should get checked for CF, but unless he comes back with a positive diagnosis, i probably don't need to be screened, since i don't exhibit any of the symptoms...

time to try to get some sleep since i have to work tonight...

alrighty, back to that survey:

4 things you would eat on the last day of your life:
oh sheesh, the last day of my life? hmmm....
a jamaican pizza from some guys pizza
mom's fried potatoes - major comfort food!
mac & cheese - the ultimate comfort food
ben & jerry's - either jerry's jubilee or cherry garcia

4 CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:
stuck in the 90's, i guess...
his name is alive - home is in your head
trashcan sinatras - cake
james - laid
ani difranco - not a pretty girl

4 movies that you watch over and over:
dvds are a good thing...
the truth about cats & dogs
american beauty
as good as it gets
gia

4 vacations you have taken:
don't travel too much...
to colorado as a kid with "dad"...
a bifem gathering in kansas...
the big queer march on washington...
to rhode island to see a net.girlfriend...

4 songs you get stuck in your head frequently:
oh god, i don't even want to think about them, lest they get stuck again...
wiper blades - heywood banks
prisoner of love - from the bob & tom show
mahna mahna - from the muppet show
18 wheels on a big rig - heywood banks

4 things you'd like to learn:
urgh, if only i had the time and brain power...
sign language
html
a foreign language - spanish, perhaps?
computer programming stuff

4 beverages you drink frequently:
really, there's only one - i'm a dew addict!
diet mountain dew
diet air (from snapple)
diet a&w root beer
diet pepsi

4 TV shows that you liked when you were a kid:
yes, i'm a child of the 80's, and i'm also a game show addict
press your luck
sale of the century
the price is right
the people's court

4 places to go in your city:
okay, so i'm a bit strange, but crown hill is beautiful...
crown hill cemetery
the children's museum of indianapolis
out word bound bookstore
the indianapolis zoo

4 things to do when you're bored:
blog
sleep
shop
eat

4 things that never fail to cheer you up:
saturday night mah jongg
hanging out with my brothers and sister
great deals at the grocery store
a show at the ten

and your answers are.....????

amazing the twists and turns that can happen on a search for a company logo to go in an ad...i've found findagrave.com - there you can find out where a specific person's buried or see a list of people of note in specific cemeteries - ie Crown Hill ...

well shit, i guess i should get back to work...

i don't know which is worse - getting a song stuck in yer head or a movie quote...saw "as good as it gets" the other day, and good ol' melvin udall's (aka jack nicholson) stuck in my head..."People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch." - a classic!

cute little survey i lifted from another blog:
(i'll hafta post my answers later)

4 things you would eat on the last day of your life:

4 CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:

4 movies that you watch over and over:

4 vacations you have taken:

4 songs you get stuck in your head frequently:

4 things you'd like to learn:

4 beverages you drink frequently:

4 TV shows that you liked when you were a kid:

4 places to go in your city:

4 things to do when you're bored:

4 things that never fail to cheer you up:

alrighty, weird mood time...i obviously need some music to get me through this night of hell - aka work - but i dunno what sort of music i want to listen to...*ponder*

think it's gonna be one of my napster-lifted mixes...perhaps #14:

1. Dreams Are Of The Body His Name Is Alive
2. No Man's Woman Sinead O'Connor
3. Give It Everything Al Green
4. Wild Night John Mellencamp w/Meshell NdegeOcello
5. I Kissed A Girl Jill Sobule
6. The Sweater Meryn Cadell
7. Angel Mine Cowboy Junkies
8. Both Hands ani difranco
9. Wear Your Love Like Heaven Sarah McLachlan
10. Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover Sophie B. Hawkins
11. Me Paula Cole
12. Left Of Center Suzanne Vega
13. 4 Men Kitchens Of Distinction
14. Pictures Of You The Cure
15. Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want The Smiths
16. Fade Into You Mazzy Star
17. Everything Possible The Flirtations
18. Mahna Mahna Mahna Mahna & The Two Snowths

aww fuck, i took the napster cd's outta my backpack...i'm left with some other stuff, the napster discs being at home i presume...urgh...guess it'll be his name is alive, stars on esp, to start off with...

argh...mom's in the hospital again...another bout of pancreatitis...dammit, i hate to see her in such pain - if i could trade places with her, i'd do it in a heartbeat...alas, i'm stuck here at work.

reading some new blogs this morning: instapundit, jonny5alivedotcom, judy's blog and dreaded purple master - why is it most of the blogs i seem to latch on to are written by those of the opposite sex?

hmmm, here's one to check out later - fontlover...

tis amazing all the interesting stuff in people's blogs...here's an interesting pic of NYC and Ground Zero...

i think i'm making this html stuff much harder than it is....

argh...frustration with doctors today...first off, dr. english...i'm not all that upset with her, i just wish she could get a magic wand and wave it and *POOF* all my bad things would disappear...ya know, i'm surprised the damned drug companies haven't come out with one to give out to all the docs, with their prominently placed logos on the handle or something...

so, anyways, she gave me a referral for a dietician - maybe she can help me figure out what i'm doing wrong...

then, this afternoon i called dr. mohan's office to see if i should've received something in the mail about monday's video eeg - ya know, like where to show up, what to bring, etc, etc - like the packet of stuff they sent me before my sleep study...julie told me she'd call me back in a few minutes, and she did - to tell me the equipment in the hospital is broken and they have to reschedule my eeg for december 3rd. oh, so i ask to reschedule it and they can't possibly squeeze me in until late january, but now there's magically appeared a space for me on december 3? at least i found out before the fact - had i shown up at the hospital on monday at 7:30am only to find out it'd be postponed, i'd have been majorly shitty....

my head's still screwy - my attention span is for shit and i keep forgetting if i've printed and/or eps'd stuff...urgh......

ever got the urge to ask the Magic 8-ball a question? now ya can do it on the web!

brain break...it seems i need one, as i'm having a hard time here at work...my brain doesn't seem to want to be here...right now, my short-term memory is for shit...i'll open up a folder and then forget what it was i was looking for or what i was going to do...*shrug*...

kim's talked to us about the holiday schedules and i'm just baffled - they're more fucked up this year because of what day they fall on, etc etc, and i'm just foggy in the head anyways, so that's not helping either...i told her i needed her to write it down for me - perhaps it'll make more sense that way.

what the fuck is wrong with me?!?!? is there a seizure coming? i don't know...i just know i feel really weird and i don't want to be here - i don't want to be anywhere...not saying i want to be dead or anything, i just hate feeling this weirdness coming over me...*sigh*